Friday, October 24, 2008
Start 'em young
I was talking to a friend of mine's little girl the other day. I asked her what she wanted to be when she grew up and she replied, "I want to be President!"
Both of her parents are liberal Democrats and were standing there. So then I asked her, "If you were President what would be the first thing you would do?" She replied, "I'd give houses to all the homeless people."
"Wow - what a worthy goal." I told her, "You don't have to wait until you're President to do that. You can come over to my house and mow, pull weeds, and sweep my yard, and I'll pay you $50. Then I'll take you over to the grocery store where this homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $50 to use toward a new house."
Since she is only 6, she thought that over for a few seconds. While her Mom glared at me, she looked me straight in the eye and asked, "Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him the $50?" And I said, "Welcome to the Republican Party."
Her folks still aren't talking to me.
Both of her parents are liberal Democrats and were standing there. So then I asked her, "If you were President what would be the first thing you would do?" She replied, "I'd give houses to all the homeless people."
"Wow - what a worthy goal." I told her, "You don't have to wait until you're President to do that. You can come over to my house and mow, pull weeds, and sweep my yard, and I'll pay you $50. Then I'll take you over to the grocery store where this homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $50 to use toward a new house."
Since she is only 6, she thought that over for a few seconds. While her Mom glared at me, she looked me straight in the eye and asked, "Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him the $50?" And I said, "Welcome to the Republican Party."
Her folks still aren't talking to me.
The truth hurts
The Kern County, California, Sheriff's Department orders plain white patrol units and has the graphics applied locally.
In this case, what they ordered was not quite what they got. This car was driven for 1 week before an officer noticed what the graphics company employee did on the passenger side of the car.
The employee did this on his last day working for the graphics company before he retired.
Badges? We don't need no stinkin' badges!
So this Department of Water Resources representative stops
at a Canadian ranch in Alberta, and talks with an old rancher.
He tells the rancher, 'I need to inspect your ranch for your
water allocation'.
The old rancher says, 'Okay, but don't go in that field over there.'
The water representative says, 'Mister, I have the authority of
the Provincial Government with me. See this card? This card
means I am allowed to go WHEREVER I WISH on any
agricultural land. No questions asked or answered.
Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?'
The old rancher nods politely and goes about his chores.
Later, the old rancher hears loud screams and spies the water rep
running for his life, and close behind is the rancher's bull. The bull
is gaining with every step.
The rep is clearly terrified, so the old rancher immediately throws
down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs.....
'Your card! Show him your card!'
at a Canadian ranch in Alberta, and talks with an old rancher.
He tells the rancher, 'I need to inspect your ranch for your
water allocation'.
The old rancher says, 'Okay, but don't go in that field over there.'
The water representative says, 'Mister, I have the authority of
the Provincial Government with me. See this card? This card
means I am allowed to go WHEREVER I WISH on any
agricultural land. No questions asked or answered.
Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?'
The old rancher nods politely and goes about his chores.
Later, the old rancher hears loud screams and spies the water rep
running for his life, and close behind is the rancher's bull. The bull
is gaining with every step.
The rep is clearly terrified, so the old rancher immediately throws
down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs.....
'Your card! Show him your card!'
Will the Bail-out work?
Back in 1990, the Government seized the Mustang Ranch brothel in Nevada for tax evasion and, as required by law, tried to run it.
They failed and it closed.
Now we are trusting the economy of our country to a pack of nit-wits who couldn't make money running a whorehouse and selling booze!
Thanks, Kousin Karl
They failed and it closed.
Now we are trusting the economy of our country to a pack of nit-wits who couldn't make money running a whorehouse and selling booze!
Thanks, Kousin Karl
Thursday, October 23, 2008
This'll teach you
Woman jailed after 'killing' virtual husband
By MARI YAMAGUCHI , Associated Press Writer
TOKYO —
A 43-year-old player in a virtual game world became so angry about her sudden divorce from her online husband that she logged on with his password and killed his digital persona, police said Thursday.
The woman, who has been jailed on suspicion of illegally accessing a computer and manipulating electronic data, used his ID and password to log onto the popular interactive game "Maple Story" to carry out the virtual murder in May, a police official in the northern city of Sapporo said. He spoke on condition of anonymity because of department policy.
"I was suddenly divorced, without a word of warning. That made me so angry," the official quoted her as telling investigators and admitting the allegations.
The woman, a piano teacher, had not plotted any revenge in the real world, the official said.
She has not yet been formally charged. If convicted, she could face up to five years in prison or a fine up to $5,000.
Players in "Maple Story" create and manipulate digital images called "avatars" that represent themselves, while engaging in relationships, social activities and fighting monsters and other obstacles.
In virtual worlds, players often abandon their inhibitions, engaging in activity online that they would never do in the real world. For instance, sex with strangers is a common activity.
The woman used login information she got from the 33-year-old office worker when their characters were happily married to kill the character. The man complained to police when he discovered that his online avatar was dead.
The woman was arrested Wednesday and taken 620 miles from her home in southern Miyazaki to be detained in Sapporo, where the man lives, the official said.
The police official said he did not know if she was married in the real world.
Bad online behavior is usually handled within the rules set up by online worlds, which can ban miscreants or take away their virtual possessions.
In recent years, virtual lives have had consequences in the real world.
When bad deeds lead to criminal charges, prosecutors have found a real-world activity to cite - as in this case, in which the woman was charged with inappropriate computer access.
In August, a woman was charged in Delaware with plotting the real-life abduction of a boyfriend she met through the virtual reality Web site "Second Life."
In Tokyo, a 16-year-old boy was charged with stealing the ID and password from a fellow player of an online game in order to swindle virtual currency worth $360,000.
Virtual games are popular in Japan, and "Second Life" has drawn a fair number of Japanese participants. They rank third by nationality among users, after Americans and Brazilians.
By MARI YAMAGUCHI , Associated Press Writer
TOKYO —
A 43-year-old player in a virtual game world became so angry about her sudden divorce from her online husband that she logged on with his password and killed his digital persona, police said Thursday.
The woman, who has been jailed on suspicion of illegally accessing a computer and manipulating electronic data, used his ID and password to log onto the popular interactive game "Maple Story" to carry out the virtual murder in May, a police official in the northern city of Sapporo said. He spoke on condition of anonymity because of department policy.
"I was suddenly divorced, without a word of warning. That made me so angry," the official quoted her as telling investigators and admitting the allegations.
The woman, a piano teacher, had not plotted any revenge in the real world, the official said.
She has not yet been formally charged. If convicted, she could face up to five years in prison or a fine up to $5,000.
Players in "Maple Story" create and manipulate digital images called "avatars" that represent themselves, while engaging in relationships, social activities and fighting monsters and other obstacles.
In virtual worlds, players often abandon their inhibitions, engaging in activity online that they would never do in the real world. For instance, sex with strangers is a common activity.
The woman used login information she got from the 33-year-old office worker when their characters were happily married to kill the character. The man complained to police when he discovered that his online avatar was dead.
The woman was arrested Wednesday and taken 620 miles from her home in southern Miyazaki to be detained in Sapporo, where the man lives, the official said.
The police official said he did not know if she was married in the real world.
Bad online behavior is usually handled within the rules set up by online worlds, which can ban miscreants or take away their virtual possessions.
In recent years, virtual lives have had consequences in the real world.
When bad deeds lead to criminal charges, prosecutors have found a real-world activity to cite - as in this case, in which the woman was charged with inappropriate computer access.
In August, a woman was charged in Delaware with plotting the real-life abduction of a boyfriend she met through the virtual reality Web site "Second Life."
In Tokyo, a 16-year-old boy was charged with stealing the ID and password from a fellow player of an online game in order to swindle virtual currency worth $360,000.
Virtual games are popular in Japan, and "Second Life" has drawn a fair number of Japanese participants. They rank third by nationality among users, after Americans and Brazilians.
Womanspeak
(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.
(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay mea ns she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' ... that will bring on a 'whatever').
(8) Whatever: Is a women's way of saying SCREW YOU!
(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.
(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.
(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay mea ns she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' ... that will bring on a 'whatever').
(8) Whatever: Is a women's way of saying SCREW YOU!
(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Calling in sick
A guy works a new job on Thursday and Friday. On Monday he calls in and says, "I can't come in today. I'm sick."
He works the rest of the week, but the following Monday he calls in and says, "I can't come in today. I'm sick."
The boss asks the foreman about him, and the foreman says, "He's great. He does the work of two men. We need him."
So the boss calls the guy into his office, and says, "You seem to have a problem getting to work on Mondays. You're a good worker and I'd hate to fire you. What's the problem? Anything we can help you with? Drugs? Alcohol?"
The guy says, "No, I don't drink or do drugs. But my brother-in-law drinks every weekend, and then beats on my sister. So every Monday morning, I go over to make sure she's all right. She puts her head on my shoulder and cries, one thing leads to another, and the next thing you know, I'm fucking her."
The boss says, "You fuck your sister?"
The guy says, "Hey, I told you I was sick."
He works the rest of the week, but the following Monday he calls in and says, "I can't come in today. I'm sick."
The boss asks the foreman about him, and the foreman says, "He's great. He does the work of two men. We need him."
So the boss calls the guy into his office, and says, "You seem to have a problem getting to work on Mondays. You're a good worker and I'd hate to fire you. What's the problem? Anything we can help you with? Drugs? Alcohol?"
The guy says, "No, I don't drink or do drugs. But my brother-in-law drinks every weekend, and then beats on my sister. So every Monday morning, I go over to make sure she's all right. She puts her head on my shoulder and cries, one thing leads to another, and the next thing you know, I'm fucking her."
The boss says, "You fuck your sister?"
The guy says, "Hey, I told you I was sick."
Yeah, I know. Everybody keeps reminding me
The other day I sent a partner of mine a photo that I had also posted here ("LMAO - I know, I have issues" on 10/18/08) and today I got a reply from him. Here it is:
Man, YOU ARE FUCKED UP!!!!! Say it to yourself over and over. I AM FUCKED UP!!!
I had to re-check the sender. For a minute there I thought it was Mom again.
Man, YOU ARE FUCKED UP!!!!! Say it to yourself over and over. I AM FUCKED UP!!!
I had to re-check the sender. For a minute there I thought it was Mom again.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Naw, Race doesn't have a thing to do with it
Audio recording - no video
From the Howard Stern Radio show:
A Stern co-hort went to Harlem and recorded some interviews with residents and asked them who they’d vote for and why? He then asked how they felt about Obama’s political positions, but inserted McCain’s actual positions instead …. including switching the VP’s as running mates. Very scary indeed.
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