Monday, October 27, 2008
Fucking A
You couldn’t get a job at McDonalds and become district manager after 143 days of experience.
You couldn’t become chief of surgery after 143 days of experience of being a surgeon.
You couldn’t get a job as a teacher and be the superintendent after 143 days of experience.
You couldn’t join the military and become a General after a 143 days of experience.
You couldn’t get a job as a reporter and become the nightly news anchor after 143 days of experience.
BUT…. ‘From the time Barack Obama was sworn in as a United State Senator, to the time he announced he was forming a Presidential exploratory committee, he logged 143 days of experience in the Senate. That’s how many days the Senate was actually in session and working.
After 143 days of work experience, Obama believed he was ready to be Commander In Chief, Leader of the Free World, and fill the shoes of Abraham Lincoln, FDR, JFK and Ronald Reagan. 143 days? We all have to start somewhere. The senate is a good start, but after 143 days, that’s all it is - a start.
AND, strangely, a large sector of the American public seems to feel comfortable with this and campaigning for him. We wouldn’t accept this in our own line of work, yet some are OK with this for the President of the United States of America?
Come on folks, we are not voting for the next American Idol!
http://smallbitsandpieces.blogspot.com/
You couldn’t become chief of surgery after 143 days of experience of being a surgeon.
You couldn’t get a job as a teacher and be the superintendent after 143 days of experience.
You couldn’t join the military and become a General after a 143 days of experience.
You couldn’t get a job as a reporter and become the nightly news anchor after 143 days of experience.
BUT…. ‘From the time Barack Obama was sworn in as a United State Senator, to the time he announced he was forming a Presidential exploratory committee, he logged 143 days of experience in the Senate. That’s how many days the Senate was actually in session and working.
After 143 days of work experience, Obama believed he was ready to be Commander In Chief, Leader of the Free World, and fill the shoes of Abraham Lincoln, FDR, JFK and Ronald Reagan. 143 days? We all have to start somewhere. The senate is a good start, but after 143 days, that’s all it is - a start.
AND, strangely, a large sector of the American public seems to feel comfortable with this and campaigning for him. We wouldn’t accept this in our own line of work, yet some are OK with this for the President of the United States of America?
Come on folks, we are not voting for the next American Idol!
http://smallbitsandpieces.blogspot.com/
Fool me once.....
I snatched a load of clothes out of the dryer and marched them back to the bedroom for folding. I returned only to find one of the Evil Cats curled up inside the dryer enjoying the warmth.
When this happened last year with the same Evil Cat, my ex picked her out of there, held it in her arms and explained (!!!) to it why it shouldn't be in the dryer.
Obviously that didn't work.
I walked over and slammed the door, hit the button and let the dryer go around 3-4 times with the Evil Cat inside, then turned it off and opened the door.
Camoflauge shot out of there yowling and spitting, I laughed and went on about my business.
Problem solved. It will never happen again. Guaranteed.
When this happened last year with the same Evil Cat, my ex picked her out of there, held it in her arms and explained (!!!) to it why it shouldn't be in the dryer.
Obviously that didn't work.
I walked over and slammed the door, hit the button and let the dryer go around 3-4 times with the Evil Cat inside, then turned it off and opened the door.
Camoflauge shot out of there yowling and spitting, I laughed and went on about my business.
Problem solved. It will never happen again. Guaranteed.
Blondie
Girl, I got news for you. No matter how much YOU recycle, you're always going to be trashy if you insist on wearing those earrings.
Why did you have to ask.......
* WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?*
SARAH PALIN: Before it got to the other side, I shot the chicken, cleaned and dressed it, and had chicken burgers for lunch.
BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a change! The chicken wanted change.
JOHN MC CAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the other chickens on the other side of the road.
HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure right from Day One! that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.
GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.
DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?
COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.
BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken. What is your definition of chicken?
AL GORE: I invented the chicken.
JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.
AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.
ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?
SARAH PALIN: Before it got to the other side, I shot the chicken, cleaned and dressed it, and had chicken burgers for lunch.
BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a change! The chicken wanted change.
JOHN MC CAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the other chickens on the other side of the road.
HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure right from Day One! that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.
GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.
DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?
COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.
BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken. What is your definition of chicken?
AL GORE: I invented the chicken.
JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.
AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.
ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?
It's gonna be a White Trash wedding
See my "Wannabe White Trash" post from 2 days ago.
This is True White Trash - Homemade tattoos and tobacco products in the photo.
See? It's not hard to do.
Tara Reid - Straight up White Trash, God bless her
How many other actresses are there that would go to a county fair and go to the livestock exhibit wearing shit-wading boots, bloomers, and a dress? And is that a "Sell me beer - lots of beer" bracelet on her wrist?
I'm in love.....
Sunday, October 26, 2008
A big-ass fish and a mountain lion
I caught my first fish on a flyrod today.
I took my Dad fishing today and headed up to the Sierras to my favorite spot, Frasier Flat. I bought a flyrod a couple of weeks ago but had been too damned busy to try it out and decided that I better do it before the season closed for the year.
Anyways, we put on our waders and I went downstream while he went upstream. Just after getting in the water I looked to my left and saw a mountain lion trotting across the clearing towards Dad. I whistled to him and pointed. He looked, nodded and went right back to fishing. Good man. After 20 years in the Army, 3 tours in Vietnam, being married to my mother for 50 years and raising me on top of all that, it takes a lot to get him excited.
After a few minutes of fucking around and trying to cast to the hole that I knew was holding fish, I finally dropped a nymph right in the middle of it. All of a sudden, WHAM, FISH ON!!!
I had a hell of a time landing it but when I finally got it in it was 16 inches long, about 3 pounds and highly pissed. I was so damned excited - not only was it my first fish on a fly rod, it was also the biggest fish I had ever caught in a mountain stream.
I ended up catching 4 fish, the last 3 were about 10 inches in length. Oh yeah, and I finally got to see a lion, the first one I had ever seen that wasn't treed in all the years I had spent running around up in the woods.
I took my Dad fishing today and headed up to the Sierras to my favorite spot, Frasier Flat. I bought a flyrod a couple of weeks ago but had been too damned busy to try it out and decided that I better do it before the season closed for the year.
Anyways, we put on our waders and I went downstream while he went upstream. Just after getting in the water I looked to my left and saw a mountain lion trotting across the clearing towards Dad. I whistled to him and pointed. He looked, nodded and went right back to fishing. Good man. After 20 years in the Army, 3 tours in Vietnam, being married to my mother for 50 years and raising me on top of all that, it takes a lot to get him excited.
After a few minutes of fucking around and trying to cast to the hole that I knew was holding fish, I finally dropped a nymph right in the middle of it. All of a sudden, WHAM, FISH ON!!!
I had a hell of a time landing it but when I finally got it in it was 16 inches long, about 3 pounds and highly pissed. I was so damned excited - not only was it my first fish on a fly rod, it was also the biggest fish I had ever caught in a mountain stream.
I ended up catching 4 fish, the last 3 were about 10 inches in length. Oh yeah, and I finally got to see a lion, the first one I had ever seen that wasn't treed in all the years I had spent running around up in the woods.
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Best Grill Shop in town
This was an actual ad in the Oakland Tribune about 4 years ago. I found it so damned funny that I clipped and saved it. I just found it a couple of days ago.
Not a painless dentist
German dentist extracts payment from patient
A German dentist overpowered a female patient in her home and yanked out two dental bridges from her mouth because she had failed to pay her bill. The dentist from the Bavarian town of Neu-Ulm is now under investigation for assault and theft after arriving at the woman's home with his medical instruments to perform the unwanted surgery.
According to police, the dentist knocked on the door of the 35-year-old woman on Monday evening and without saying a word forced her into her living room and tied her hands. In a scene reminiscent of the movie Marathon Man, he then forced open her mouth and removed the £320 worth of dental work which the woman's insurance company had refused to pay. According to the victim, he never said a word.
"The dentist is being investigated for assault for the way he forced open her mouth, and theft for taking the bridges," said Christian Owsinski a police spokesman. "The woman was in pain when she showed up at the police station."
Mr Owsinski said the dentist, who has not been named, had not been arrested. If convicted he could face discipline from both the health insurance company and the dental association that could jeopardise his practice.
LINK: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/3079442/German-dentist-extracts-payment-from-patient.html
Wannabe White Trash
While doing an internet search for pictures of my classy White Trash catagory, I ran across this one.
While I know that being White Trash is the new fad, it has to be done right to be effective.
These folks have it all wrong. Let me point out their mistakes.
1) Their clothes are new.
To be pure WT, it helps if you buy your attire at a thrift shop. There is nothing wrong with wearing other people's clothes. The classier WT will wash the clothes after purchasing them but it's not required. The young man in the overalls is particularly offensive - not only are his overalls brand new, but he's wearing a T shirt under them.
2) No grease stains.
Whether it be on the body or the clothing, there has to be grease stains somewhere.
3) The setting appears to be in a suburban setting.
No self respecting WT would allow his picture to be taken anywhere other than in a field, near a body of water, in a forest, at a gun range, saloon, or jailhouse.
4) No tobacco products in use. No cigarettes, Copenhagen, Skoal, or cigars.
5) While it does appear that they are drinking beer, they are drinking from cans which are totally useless as weapons, even when full. Trust me, I know.
6) Headgear. The two in the rear have it right, the two that are seated need to crumple their hats up and dirty 'em up a little.
7) No women in cutoffs and tit tops in the picture. Gotta have 'em.
8) No facial hair. Mustaches and/or goatees are required. Females are excused from this requirement if necessary.
9) No weapons worn or displayed. When posing for a picture, this is a must for all males. It can be a gun or a knife (even in a sheath) but there must be at least one weapon in the picture.
10) No vehicles. THERE MUST BE A VEHICLE SOMEWHERE IN THE PICTURE!!!! It can be a muscle car, a quad, tractor or pickup, but there must be a vehicle in a posed picture. One more thing - it must be American made. No Toyota pickups. Period.
11) There is not a single soiltary dog in the picture. Not only is there not a dog, I can't spot a single pile of dogshit on the lawn.
12) While alcohol appears to be in use, I don't see anybody that is even close to passing out or puking.
And finally:
13) Tattoos. I see 10 bare arms in the picture and no tattoos. And while tattoos with colors fill the requirement, the best ones would be either prison or homemade tattoos with no colors at all.
Okay, I hope that these tips help out. If you wanna be White Trash, be White Trash, not Wannabe White Trash.
-Wirecutter
Friday, October 24, 2008
Start 'em young
I was talking to a friend of mine's little girl the other day. I asked her what she wanted to be when she grew up and she replied, "I want to be President!"
Both of her parents are liberal Democrats and were standing there. So then I asked her, "If you were President what would be the first thing you would do?" She replied, "I'd give houses to all the homeless people."
"Wow - what a worthy goal." I told her, "You don't have to wait until you're President to do that. You can come over to my house and mow, pull weeds, and sweep my yard, and I'll pay you $50. Then I'll take you over to the grocery store where this homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $50 to use toward a new house."
Since she is only 6, she thought that over for a few seconds. While her Mom glared at me, she looked me straight in the eye and asked, "Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him the $50?" And I said, "Welcome to the Republican Party."
Her folks still aren't talking to me.
Both of her parents are liberal Democrats and were standing there. So then I asked her, "If you were President what would be the first thing you would do?" She replied, "I'd give houses to all the homeless people."
"Wow - what a worthy goal." I told her, "You don't have to wait until you're President to do that. You can come over to my house and mow, pull weeds, and sweep my yard, and I'll pay you $50. Then I'll take you over to the grocery store where this homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $50 to use toward a new house."
Since she is only 6, she thought that over for a few seconds. While her Mom glared at me, she looked me straight in the eye and asked, "Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him the $50?" And I said, "Welcome to the Republican Party."
Her folks still aren't talking to me.
The truth hurts
The Kern County, California, Sheriff's Department orders plain white patrol units and has the graphics applied locally.
In this case, what they ordered was not quite what they got. This car was driven for 1 week before an officer noticed what the graphics company employee did on the passenger side of the car.
The employee did this on his last day working for the graphics company before he retired.
Badges? We don't need no stinkin' badges!
So this Department of Water Resources representative stops
at a Canadian ranch in Alberta, and talks with an old rancher.
He tells the rancher, 'I need to inspect your ranch for your
water allocation'.
The old rancher says, 'Okay, but don't go in that field over there.'
The water representative says, 'Mister, I have the authority of
the Provincial Government with me. See this card? This card
means I am allowed to go WHEREVER I WISH on any
agricultural land. No questions asked or answered.
Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?'
The old rancher nods politely and goes about his chores.
Later, the old rancher hears loud screams and spies the water rep
running for his life, and close behind is the rancher's bull. The bull
is gaining with every step.
The rep is clearly terrified, so the old rancher immediately throws
down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs.....
'Your card! Show him your card!'
at a Canadian ranch in Alberta, and talks with an old rancher.
He tells the rancher, 'I need to inspect your ranch for your
water allocation'.
The old rancher says, 'Okay, but don't go in that field over there.'
The water representative says, 'Mister, I have the authority of
the Provincial Government with me. See this card? This card
means I am allowed to go WHEREVER I WISH on any
agricultural land. No questions asked or answered.
Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?'
The old rancher nods politely and goes about his chores.
Later, the old rancher hears loud screams and spies the water rep
running for his life, and close behind is the rancher's bull. The bull
is gaining with every step.
The rep is clearly terrified, so the old rancher immediately throws
down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs.....
'Your card! Show him your card!'
Will the Bail-out work?
Back in 1990, the Government seized the Mustang Ranch brothel in Nevada for tax evasion and, as required by law, tried to run it.
They failed and it closed.
Now we are trusting the economy of our country to a pack of nit-wits who couldn't make money running a whorehouse and selling booze!
Thanks, Kousin Karl
They failed and it closed.
Now we are trusting the economy of our country to a pack of nit-wits who couldn't make money running a whorehouse and selling booze!
Thanks, Kousin Karl
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)