Pages

Thursday, December 31, 2009

Happy New Year's, Fuckers!!!

May you shoot straight, catch a shitload of fish and eat bacon every damned day.
Oh yeah. And I hope you get laid a lot.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

He's not a terrorist?

You know what? It pisses me off that this motherfucker that attempted to blow up a plane on Christmas Day isn't considered a terrorist. True, he wasn't able to actually blow the plane up, thanks to passengers and Air Marshalls, but what he did was accomplish an act of terrorism.
If some poor asshole (or assholette) gets sick and tired of their spouse's shit, loses their temper and threatens to harm said spouse, the law charges them with terrorism. Yet a muslim tries to blow up a fucking airplane with 300+ souls on board and he didn't commit an act of terror?
Hey, him and his organization may not have killed anybody that time, but they have managed to thoroughly disrupt air travel, scared the dogshit out of the passengers on that flight, and piss me the fuck off all in one stroke.
Fuck you, Obama. Get off your ass, take this seriously, quit trying to make nice with our enemies, and put an end to this garbage.
Show them we're sick and tired of this shit.
Level Yemen. I mean it. Level that motherfucker. Make that country cease to exist. Point damned near every non-nuke missile we have at it and create the world's biggest sandstorm with a Time-on-Target strike - one big boom. Sand, shrapnel and camel parts everywhere.
But save a couple of them for Nigeria - I'm tired of getting spam from 'em.
Then make a shitload of more missiles for the next country that fucks with us.

Homeless Wirecutter


Hard as nails, Stud


-Yolo

Political cartoon from the 1930s


Ckick to enlarge and read the sign at bottom left.
Sound familiar???
-LT

Saturday, December 26, 2009

My Christmas

Well, I had a pretty nice Christmas. I didn't do much but drink beer and sleep my ass off. Kinda funny how those things go hand in hand, huh?
I woke up at 4 AM to head up to the lake in search of the ever elusive BAT, but really wasn't in the mood to drive for an hour and then freeze my ass off for a few hours to reel in a bunch of itty bitty 3 pound trout so I went back to bed.
I finally crawled out of bed about 7 - God, it felt SO good to sleep in! - and cleaned house for a bit, then napped for a couple of hours.
I finally got up and around for good then headed to Mom and Dad's place for a fine meal of ham, turkey, bacon, (Bacon. Mmmm...... bacon) and 47 different kinds of pie.
Dad gave me a new reloading manual which was much appreciated as my old one was so beat up and full of notes that I could barely see the loading data anymore. Thankee Pops, thankee.
I hung out as long as I dared, then hit the road before any relatives showed up. Fuck 'em, they don't want to see me any other time of the year, why should I act glad to see 'em Christmas day? Shit, I had a nice time listening to Mom tell me niece horror stories about my younger days (Fuck, I wish she'd catch that Alzhiemer's) and Dad telling war stories, I didn't need to listen to a bunch of relations dig into my business, you know what I mean? So I split early.
Anyways, I got home, loved on my Punkindog and fed him leftover pork and turkey.
Yeah, it was a good day excepting for not pissing nobody off.
But what the fuck, it was Christmas......

Thursday, December 24, 2009

I owe me!

If you have visited this blog more than once, then it you owe it to yourself to check this out.
http://www.antiobamashop.com/
And we ALL need to thank Woody for passing this along.

Shopping adventures

So I get off work early today and realize that I need some essentials from the store like bacon, bread, the latest issue of Handloader magazine and especially Ultra Plush 4 Ply Charmin asswipe.
Now the market I go to ain't exactly highbrow - it's the kind of place where you can take a dip of Copenhagen in the produce section and nobody will look twice at you. The reason I go there is because it's only a couple of blocks from my house, I've been trading there for better than 10 years and all the clerks know me and, well, I can take a dip of Copenhagen in the produce section if I want.
While I'm in the store I'm picking up some other stuff as well and let me tell you what, that fucking place is PACKED!!! Everybody's out doing their last minute shopping for the big day tomorrow. Hey, I can dig that, I myself had made a run by the bait shop on my way home from work and picked up some Rapalas.
When I'm ready I pick the shortest line which only has about 10 people in it and amuse myself by flipping items from the end-of-aisle merchandise into the cart of the guy in front of me. Anything to make the time pass, you know?
I finally get up to the belt and start unloading my stuff on it and this nicely dressed woman comes charging up past me with a jar of marshmallow creme in her hand, jumps in line in front of me and says "I'm not waiting in line. I only have this one item."
Now, had she asked nicely I would've allowed her to pass if nobody behind me had any objections. But don't be acting like your time is more valuable than mine, okay?
So I tell her "The fuck you ain't, lady. Get your ass to the back of the line."
She acts all shocked like she's never heard anybody say ain't before. C'mon now, it's a common term.
"But all I have is one item!" she says.
"Yeah, and all I got is 23 items. Now git."
Paul, the clerk, is giving the guy in front of me a refund for the 6 packs of gum, chapstick, beef jerky and pepper spray that I tossed in his cart and is trying to ignore the situation.
"Hey Paulie, make this snob go to the back of the line, man."
"Kenny, I'm getting off work in 5 minutes and I don't need this right now. Cool your heels and let her go, please. PLEASE?" he says as he rings her up.
I finally get rung up, bagged up and head for my truck. As I'm wandering along, I notice a Lexus with an Obama sticker in the back window and la-de-da, guess who's behind the wheel giving me a smug-ass smile?
She wasn't smiling for long. A big load of tobacco juice went skidding across her windshield.
And I made sure she got a good look at my Fuck Obama sticker as I was departing.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Screwed myself again, but it was fun.

"Um, hey Bro. Do you have plans for Christmas? I know you're alone and I was just wondering if um, maybe, if you don't have any plans for......."
"Well, actually, all I was planning was some fishing for Big Ass Trout" I said.
He looked a little relieved. "Well, would you like to maybe come over for dinner and maybe....."
"What?" I said. "Do I look like I need your fucking charity? I got family, man. Kiss my ass! I got people that love me!!!!"
"Oh shit, I didn't mean any offense, Brother. I just thought maybe......"
Damn, I love fucking with people.
The fishing should be good, I'll have the whole lake to myself.
And Denny's won't be too crowded.........

Monday, December 21, 2009

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Well, my day is complete

Okay, I changed my home number a month ago due to solicitors calling me up 5-6 times a night. The new number I got is almost as bad. It's not solicitors, it's creditors looking for the guy who had the number before me. But it's no big deal, they only call when I'm at work and they leave one message a day. I figure that one day they'll call when I'm home and I'll catch them and let 'em know Mr. Aaron Prasad no longer has this number.

So today I'm in the bedroom playing solitaire on the computer and my answering machine goes off. I recognize that it's the County Jail by the automated message (my brother-in-law was a professional convict) but I don't catch the name. I figure it's somebody calling to get bailed out and they must be pretty fucking desperate to be calling me. Real urgent, you know?
I play 3 or 4 more games before my curiosity gets the best of me and I wander in and listen to the message. Whattya know, it's Mr. Aaron Prasad!
Hmmmm, I wonder what he did?
I go back to my computer and pull up the County Sheriff website that I have saved to favorites (that brother-in-law thing again) and dammity damn, Mr. Aaron Prasad has a whole shitload of charges against him and not only that, he's been in the lock-up since July. So I write down the penal code charges and then pull up the California Penal Code that I have in my favorites folder (you guessed it, the brother-in-law trip again) and find that Mr. Aaron Prasad been very naughty. All the charges are related to attempted murder and elder abuse.
So I go to the Modesto Bee - give me a break, I was bored - and find out that Mr. Aaron Prasad was arrested for beating his granny and whacking her with a fucking meat cleaver! She survived (barely) and fingered him. He was still covered in her blood when they arrested him.
Well, that's fucked up.
I mean, even if you don't care for Granny, you don't whack her with a meat cleaver. That's just downright rude. You just stick her in an old folk's home if she pisses you off.
Right on cue, the phone rings again and it's Mr. Aaron Prasad. I can't resist this. It's worth the 5 or 10 bucks to twist his mind.
So I follow all the voice prompts and we're connected.
"Hello?"
"What's up fucker? How's jailhouse life?" I'm smiling.
"Hello?"
"Ya already said that."
"Who is this?"
"Who the fuck do you think it is?"
"What are you doing in my house?" His mind is turning fast now.
"It ain't your house anymore. Now it's mine. Why'd you whack your granny with a meat cleaver, ya little bitch?"
"I WANT TO KNOW WHO THIS IS!!!!!"
"Fuck you. You're a real piece of shit, you know that? Your grandma loved you, man."
"YOU DO NOT KNOW WHAT HAPP.........."
Click. The line goes dead.
I hope whoever was monitoring the call was laughing as much as I was.
Sleep tight, Mr. Aaron Prasad.

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Hey Tamra

The link you sent came up as "Error 404" and that's the reason I deleted it. If you have something to send or just want to say hey! hit "View Profile" button on the sidebar, then the "email" button.
Sorry for any misunderstanding. Please visit again.
-Ken

Yeah, they come cheap now


Thanks, Karen. I'm getting mine next week for not shooting my neighbor for making too much noise with his annual Christmas party.

My kinda stocking stuffer


-Thanks, Woody!

The Rolling Fucking Stones

I hate the Rolling Stones. I don't just hate the Stones, I violently hate the Stones. Don't ask me why, I can't tell you. I can remember when I was a kid and all the other fuckers were going ga-ga over them, I was gagging over 'em. I know that sounds strange coming from somebody that was a teenager in the 70s but what can I say.
I will freely admit that it's Jagger that I despise. I hate his skinny body, I hate his thick fucking lips, I hate his faggy haircut, I hate the way he dances, I hate his voice, but most of all I hate his fucking high and mighty attitude. And as long as the rest of the band lets him sing for them, I'm hating them too, the pussies.
Let me tell you how much I hate the Stones:
I can be going down the road with the radio down so low that YOU can't hear it and if a Stones song comes on I'll start cussing and turn it off. That ain't bad for somebody that has more than a 50% hearing loss.
I will boycott radio stations that play the Stones. Thank God for CD players.
If I'm in your vehicle and a Stones song comes on and you refuse to change the station, you better stop the truck because I'm bailing out.
If I see a Stones CD in your truck, you just lost it. It's going airborne. Sure, I'll pay you for it but that one's history.
If I'm channel surfing and accidentally catch a glimpse of that fucking punk Jagger's face, my TV screen will get slammed with a beer can.
If I'm at your house and you want me to leave, put the Stones on. I will walk out immediately. You can deliver my coat to me at a later date because I will never grace your doorway with my presence again.
What's really funny is that I have nothing but respect for Keith Richards who is an absolutely brilliant guitarist, but put him with Jagger and the shit is on.
Fuck, I'm getting fired up just writing about them.

Happy bathing

The next time you're an overnight guest at somebody's house and you don't bring your own soap, think about this as you're showering:
What's the last thing they washed with that bar of soap and what's the first thing you washed?

308 ballistics

Okay, a 165 grain boat tail bullet over 52 grains of H414 will give you about 2650 fps at the muzzle (Speer #9) and at a 200 yard zero will give you about 12 inches of drop at 300 hundred yards and 1060 foot pounds of energy. Just thought you might wanna know.....

May you rot in hell

OSWIECIM, Poland – Thieves stole the notorious sign bearing the cynical Nazi slogan "Work Sets You Free" from the entrance to the former Auschwitz death camp on Friday, cutting through rows of barbed wire and metal bars before making their escape through the snow.
The brazen seizure of one of the Holocaust's most chilling symbols brought worldwide condemnation.
"The theft of such a symbolic object is an attack on the memory of the Holocaust, and an escalation from those elements that would like to return us to darker days," Yad Vashem Chairman Avner Shalev said in a statement from Jerusalem.
"I call on all enlightened forces in the world who fight against anti-Semitism, racism, xenophobia and the hatred of the other, to join together to combat these trends."
The 16-foot sign bearing the German words "Arbeit Macht Frei" — "Work Sets You Free" — spanned the main entrance to the Auschwitz death camp, where more than 1 million people, mostly Jews, were killed during World War II.

Why in the fuck would you want to steal this sign? It represents the suffering and pain of a People that has been persecuted since the beginning of time.
I hope that you go tell hell and suffer for all of eternity next to Hitler and all of his cronies.

Friday, December 18, 2009

For YOLO


Here ya go Yolo, 2 things near and dear to your heart. Squirrels and....... Well, you know.

So basically, it's a "feel good" deal

COPENHAGEN – Two years of laborious negotiations on a climate agreement ended with a political deal brokered by President Barack Obama with China and other emerging powers but denounced by poor countries because it was nonbinding and set no overall target for curbing greenhouse gas emissions.

But a final session of climate conference delegates that lasted through the night cast doubt early Saturday on whether the president of the conference, Danish Prime Minister Lars Loekke Rasmussen, could declare the Copenhagen Accord approved.

Several countries, including Bolivia, Venezuela and Sudan said the document is unacceptable because it lacks targets for reducing carbon emissions.

Sudan's delegate Lumumba Di-Aping said it would condemn Africa to widespread deaths from global warming and compared it to the Holocaust. His statement was denounced by other delegations.

German Chancellor Angela Merkel, a leading proponent of strong action to confront global warming, gave the Copenhagen Accord grudging acceptance but said she had "mixed feelings" about the outcome and called it only a first step.

Obama's day of frenetic diplomacy produced a three-page document promising $30 billion in emergency aid in the next three years and a goal of channeling $100 billion a year by 2020 to developing countries with no guarantees.

Bangladeshi delegate Quamrul Islam Chowdhari said Obama had won over many of the leaders by personally phoning them in the weeks before the summit and "making them feel important."

Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke


- Stevienatt

Thursday, December 17, 2009

A new category

I'm adding a new category and I'm naming it "I hate...."
I got to thinking today that I hate a lot of shit and it's about time I made my feelings known. It ain't healthy to keep hatred bottled up inside. These posts are going to include things I hate, people I hate, places I hate, all kinds of neat stuff.
And not only am I going to give you a peek into my hate-filled mind, I'm going to tell you WHY I hate it. Aren't you lucky???
I do want to take a minute to thank Harlem of Harlem's Haterade for the inspiration. You can find her blog in my sidebar.
And for your first glimpse of things I hate, check out the post below.

Volkswagen Beetles

I tried to think of a snappy title for this post but couldn't so I'll just dive right in.
VW Beetles - I hate those motherfuckers. And it's not just the cars that I hate, I hate the idiotic people that drive them.
Mind you, I'm not talking about the bugs from the 60s and 70s. Those were tolerable. If you managed to get behind one you KNEW that you were stuck for a while because top speed was maybe 50 mph on level ground. If you happened to be behind it when it was going over an overpass or up a small hill, the speed dropped to 35 or so because of the anemic engines they had. You had to be sympathetic because you knew the driver of the bug was just as frustrated as you were. No big deal.
No, I'm talking about the newer ones. Why in the fuck is it that every goddamned person that drives one thinks they're driving a Porsche? I can be driving down the road doing a cool 20 mph over the speed limit and some fucking asshole in a VW comes tearing up behind me, passes me and then cuts back in front of me so close that I can't see their rear license plate. Fuck, I know the top speed on them can't be but maybe 90, so why do they think they have to drive it that fast all the time? And I know the handling characteristics can't be all that great because every rollover accident I've seen in the past year involved a VW on a gentle turn!
Dammit Ladies, slow the fuck down. You're driving a Volkswagon Beetle, not a fucking sports car!
And if you're not a women and you drive a Beetle......... Well, that's just fucking gay.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

The economy is so bad....

The economy is so bad:

The economy is so bad that I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

The economy is so bad I ordered a burger at McDonalds and the kid behind the counter asked, "Can you afford fries with that?"

The economy is so bad that CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

The economy is so bad if the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.

The economy is so bad Hot Wheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM.

The economy is so bad McDonalds is selling the 1/4 ouncer.

The economy is so bad parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.

The economy is so bad a truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.

The economy is so bad Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore.

The economy is so bad Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

-Thanks, Mickey

Monday, December 14, 2009

Yeah Deb, it's finally winter here too.

Winter has actually arrived here in Central Kalifornia.
I know this because:
#1) It has rained here twice in the same year and
#2) My feet got kinda sorta cold when I went out to check my chicken out in the smoker. I'm thinking that maybe I should've put socks and shoes on.

A must read article, folks

So I'm steam-cleaning my carpet (so much for having a life) and I turn around and see that the mail has run.
It's the usual stuff - Fishing, hunting and shooting magazines, a couple of bills, a bunch of garbage and my monthly issue of Cosmopolitan that's addressed to the woman 2 streets down.
I take a break, stuff in a chew and read the article on 50 Ways to a Healthy Vagina (if my dick gave me that much trouble I'd cut it off) before walking down and giving to Amanda.
"Hey Ken, got my Cosmo again?"
"Yup, and the article about a clean vagina is really informative. Not that you probably need it, but hey! why take chances?"
She starts laughing, called me and asshole and wanted to know if I wanted to go in half with her on her subscription.
Now why would I do that when I can just read her magazine every month?

Socks and underwear AGAIN????


-Yolo

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Here's your bone, Bella

Hey, thanks for asking.
I'm doing fine, just busy is all.
I've been dealing with personal shit, work and all kinds of other neat stuff.
But I'm fine, really I am.

Dummycrats are never wrong


-Woody

I got me a NEW friend


I was sitting at a traffic light yesterday when all of a sudden my world was lit up with red and blue lights.
Fuck, I'm getting jammed up by the Man when I'm at a dead stop.
I was about 50 feet from the Savemart parking lot which was where I was headed anyways so I went on in there, made sure my gun was out of sight, killed the engine, flipped my keys up on the roof of my truck, put both hands on top of the steering wheel in plain sight and waited for the asshole to give me a hard time for sitting still at a red light.
I watched him in my mirror come up to my window grinning. Yeah, real funny, motherfucker. Like I can afford a ticket or bail money right before Christmas.
"Excuse me Sir, you didn't do anything wrong but I just have to ask about your bumper sticker" he says.
"Huh?"
"Your 'Eff Obama' bumper sticker, Sir. Where did you get it?"
"You can say 'fuck', man. I'm a big boy. I got it online but I can't remember the website. Why, you want one?"
"Sure, I hate that son of a bitch too. That sticker is great!"
"I got an extra in my glove box. Can I get it?"
I reached into my glove box and handed him the one I carry just for that reason.
"Thanks" he says. "What do I owe you?"
"Nothing, man. But I'll give you 50 bucks if you put it on the back of your patrol car."
He actually thought about it for a minute........

What every Mexican kid wants for Christmas


Thanks, Tim

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Granddaddy remembers.....


"When I was a boy, Momma would send me down to da corner store wit' a dolla,and I'd come back wit' fie pounds o' potatuhs, two loafs o' bread, three pints o' milk, a pound o' cheese, a packet o' tea, an' a haff dozen eggs. Yeh can't do dat nowadays . . .
too many damm security cameras."

Friday, December 11, 2009

I'm cold, Pa

Hey, what's an Okie use for a mobile weather station?
His daughter's nipples........

Wednesday, December 02, 2009

Whatever you do, DON'T FART!


Yeah, right


I told you the fuckers are evil!


Bacon. Mmmmm, bacon.....


Say Hey DK sent me this picture of a turkey done up right.
My local smut sheet actually published a recipe for this right before Thanksgiving and I was going to re-print it for y'all but I got fucked up and forgot.

Tiger


Okay, I've heard enough shit about Tiger Woods and his accident. Not that I'm a fan of Tiger or even golf, but damn, every time I turn around it's Tiger Woods did this and Tiger Woods did that.
Let it fucking go, People. He's human and he fucks up. So what if his old lady chased him out of the house with a golf club and beat the shit out of him and his car with it.
Big deal. We've all been there and done that, right?
Right?

You got it coming, asshole

It's been 6 long days since I've posted and all I got to say is this:
Fuck You, Obama
Fuck You, Obama
Fuck You, Obama
Fuck You, Obama
Fuck You, Obama
Fuck You, Obama
Okay, I think I'm caught up now.

A new URL for a great site

Hey, be advised that Feed Your ADHD has moved, the new URL is:
http://feedyouradhd.com/
I've updated the link on my blogroll, but if it doesn't work let me know.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Adventures at Bass Pro

Man, I don't know what is wrong with me today.
I had some things that needed to be done early early early this morning and I needed to stop off at Bass Pro on my way back from Sacramento to see if they had any 45 caliber reloading dies and a hand priming tool.
Okay, I got this Bass Pro dry shopping (how gay did that sound?) shit down pat. Walk through the door, trot past the fishing section, don't look left, go past the aquarium, up the stairs, hurry past the winter hunting clothes, hang a right, keep my eyes off the gun counter, go down 7 aisles and hang a left. That puts me in the reloading section. Reverse the process to leave.
When I was walking in, I noticed that I was feeling kinda sorta flushed and my hips and upper legs were killing me. I thought maybe it was being inside dressed for outside and driving for 5 hours so I blew it off.
I find my priming tool just fine. As I'm checking for the dies, I notice that they actually had a pretty good selection of gunpowder for a change. Naturally, the one set of 45 Caliber dies is on the very bottom shelf. I squat down and examine them. They look like they've been tampered with so I put them back. As I stand back up to leave, I got a killer head rush and started going over sideways. This guy next to me grabs me by my coat, steadies me and says "I know! I can't believe they have gunpowder either!!!"
We laugh, he helps me over to a bench and goes to get me some water. I'm sweating my ass off. I'm shaking. I have a monster headache. I'm feeling real nauseous. But worse yet, my guts are about to explode. I clench my butt cheeks as long as I dare, then haul ass down the stairs and BARELY make it to a stall. Didn't even have time to put an ass gasket down.
I get done, pay for my tool and cautiously make it outside, breathe in some smog and start to feel better again. Not much but a little. It was a memorable trip home, to say the least.
As soon as I walked in the door, I felt fine. Even put on a big pot of frijoles and hocks - how cocky is that?
An hour later, I get hit by another wave. 15 minutes later, I'm fine. An hour later, BAM. Then I'm fine. It's been going like that all damned day. If I'm going to be sick I wish it would be consistent, you know?
Work oughta be fun tomorrow, huh?

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

When the spin cycle on the washer goes out


Hey, gotta get your thrills one way or another, right?

Rosie


This is Rosie, the wife of my Dad's Company Commander when he was stationed in Kaiserslautern, West Germany back in the mid 70's. They've stayed in contact with my folks over the years.
She's a wonderful lady and both her her and her husband were very influential people in my life. Can you tell?
Anyways, Mom and Rosie met up last weekend and had a wonderful visit. Mom sent me this picture, knowing I'd get a kick out of it.
Hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

Miss Oklahoma finalists

FUCK YOU, OBAMA!!!!!!


What are you trying to do, rub his fuzzy little nuts?
Stand up and act like a leader of the greatest nation on earth, not like some serf.
What a dumb fuck........

Thanks, Woody

And Fuck You Again!!!!!

When you are faking a pose for a camera photo opportunity with the American flag, at least get the phone turned in the right direction!!!

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Web sites from Bingo Bob

Howdy,
If you liked handloads.com, then you'll love these web sites:

http://ultimatereloader.com
http://data.hodgdon.com/main_menu.asp
http://www.theboxotruth.com
http://pistol-training.com

TTFN - BB

Thursday, November 12, 2009

My new favorite website

I spent about an hour killing time online at this site instead of blogging (yeah, that's right, I got a life) about Obama and other worthless shit.

www.handloads.com

It has a shitload of useful links for all shooters, not just handloaders. I spent a huge amount of time calculating trajectories, bullet drift, cost per round when handloading, all kinds of cool stuff.
For example, I found out that it cost me about 13 bucks for 50 rounds of 41 magnum when I handload compared to 70 bucks for a box of 50 store bought. Damn!
Check it out when you get a minute.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Veteran's Day thanks

Hey, I just want to take a minute to thank each and every one of you that served our Country for your service.
I don't care if your a war veteran or a peacetime vet like myself. We all gave a little piece of ourselves for some payback for the life and liberty that we and our loved ones enjoy.
God Bless You.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Ooooh, a rainbow!


-Tom

Yeah? Well, FUCK YOU TOO!!!!!


-Yolo

Apple does it again


Apple announced today that it has developed a breast implant that can store and play music. The iTit will cost from $499 to $699, depending on cup and speaker size. This is considered a major social breakthrough, because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.
-Thanks, Phil

How women sleep


-Tattoo Jim

City boys, I swear!

The Pope went on vacation for a few days to visit the rugged mountains of Alaska . He was cruising along the campground in the Pope Mobile when he heard a frantic commotion just at the edge of the woods.

He found a helpless Democrat wearing shorts, sandals, a Vote for Obama hat and a Save the Trees shirt. The man was screaming and struggling frantically, thrashing all about and trying to free himself from the grasp of a 10-foot grizzly bear.

As the Pope watched in horror, a group of Republican loggers wearing Go Sarah shirts came racing up.

One quickly fired a 44 magnum slug right into the bear's chest. The two other men pulled the semiconscious Democrat from the bear's grasp. Then using baseball bats, the three loggers finished off the bear.
Two of the men dragged the dead grizzly onto the bed of their pickup truck.
The other tenderly placed the injured Democrat in the back seat.

As they began to leave, the Pope summoned all of them men over to him. "I give you my blessing for your brave actions!" he proudly proclaimed. "I have heard there was bitter hatred between Republican loggers and Democratic environmental activists, but now I've seen with my own eyes that this is not true."

As the Pope drove off, one logger asked his buddies, "Who the heck was that guy?"
"Dude, that was the Pope," another replied. "He's in direct contact with Heaven and has access to all wisdom."

"Well," the logger said, "he may have access to all wisdom, but he doesn't know squat about bear hunting! By the way, is the bait still alive or do we need to go back to Massachusetts and get another one?"

Talk about being brutally honest....


FUCK YOU, OBAMA!!!!!!


Damn, it felt good to say that.