Friday, April 24, 2009

Bacon is b-a-d.....

Industrial Accidents
American businesses are always looking for ways to sustain and increase profits. Workers who use bacon cut into these profits. According to a leading medical journal, bacon users had 55% more industrial accidents than non-users.

Injuries
Injuries cost businesses money through increased workers' compensation claims and insurance costs. One study found that bacon users had 85% more injuries at work than non-users. When safety comes first, ensuring that workers do not use bacon is an important step.

Absenteeism
In order for businesses to work, employees must show up to work. Bacon users have been shown to have a 78% increase in absenteeism over non-users. Absent workers mean lower productivity.

Disciplinary Problems
In the same study, workers who tested positive for bacon use had disciplinary problems at work 64% more often than workers who tested negative for bacon.

Cognitive Skills
Bacon decreases motor skills, concentration and coordination. Accidents may result from a distortion of time and space relationships. Users may experience shifting sensory imagery, impaired memory, and a dulling of attention despite an illusion of heightened insight. Occasionally, an altered sense of self-identity and paranoia are reported.

Transportation
The highways, railways, air routes and waterways of America are a vital part of the business infrastructure. They can also be dangerous. Businesses with bacon-impaired operators take a greater chance of causing injury to themselves, their shipments, and the traveling public. Accident records from one study showed that up to 12% of non-fatally injured drivers and up to 16% of fatally injured drivers had bacon in their stomachs.

Job Performance
The behavior of bacon-eating employees is associated with negative attitudes toward work and job performance. Surveys have found that bacon users were less likely to commit to the organization, had lower job satisfaction, and had higher job turnover rates. The data indicates that bacon use is strongly associated with poor workplace performance. The bottom line is that bacon users do not make good employees!


So? What's your point?
-Tattoo Jim

1 comment:

Andy said...

never claimed to be a good employee but i get my shit done..long live bacon and all pork products