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Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Doin' my civic duty

Okay, today I had to report for jury duty. Now as anti-government as I am lately (since November, anyways) I know I should've told them to stick their jury duty up their ass, but I gotta tell you, I don't have a problem with serving on a jury. For one thing, a trial by jury is guaranteed by our Bill of Rights.
That's minor shit, though. The real reason I didn't try to get out of it is: My daily commute is 70 miles round trip, me leaving the house at 5 AM and getting home around 6 PM, and that's after running non-stop all fucking day. With jury duty, my boss pays me my full wage, my commute is 4 minutes, it's from 10 AM to 4 PM with an hour and a half for lunch. I sit on my ass all day and I get to fuck somebody - either the defendant or the District Attorney, I don't care which as long as I have a part in it.
I put on a long sleeved shirt, slicked back my hair, shaved and washed behind my ears then headed down to do my civic duty. I parked in my usual spot when I have to go downtown and reported in. I read my book and drank iced tea until noon, then walked the block and a half to my truck and found a fucking parking ticket under my wiper. What the fuck? And I noticed the car with the Obama sticker next to mine had one too. I looked to my left and noticed for the first time the new 1 hour parking sign. Then another one to my right. I didn't even notice them when I parked, and apparently the dummycrat next to me didn't notice them either.
I was a bit dismayed, but what can I say? I had my head up my ass, and I'll pay the 30 bucks. But there's no reason for both me and the idiot parked next to me to both have a fucked up day so I did him a favor, took the ticket off his windshield and threw it away. What he doesn't know won't hurt him.........
Anyways, I went back after lunch, found a different place to park, read for a while and then got picked for a jury. THEY ACTUALLY PICKED ME!!!!!! Dumbasses! Wait 'til I stroll in tomorrow in a T-shirt and a chew in my mouth smelling like tonight's beer.
So now, I'm off work until Tuesday or Wednesday of next week, get to sleep in 'til 7 in the morning and get to participate in a 12 way fucking. And there's a actually a couple of nice looking ladies my age on the jury, too.
Excuse me, my beer is getting warm.
-Juror #3

8 comments:

  1. My wife got a jury summons not too long ago...It was mailed to our FPO address. You'd think the dumbshits would realize that we live just a wee bit outside the county when they have to mail that shit to another country.

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  2. Yeah, I got one about 30 years ago mailed to my APO. My CO wouldn't give me leave to go serve.....

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  3. Congrats on your selection! My boss doesn't pay for Jury Duty, so if I ever get picked, I get compensated a whopping $18 a day PLUS 30 cents mileage. For Southern California that barely covers lunch!

    I do wish I was financially stable enough to take the pay hit and sit on a jury though. If I were on trial, I'd want someone like me up there.

    Oh yeah, you ARE a fully informed juror, right? :) http://fija.org/

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  4. glad you got picked Ken, it can be interesting. In 15 yrs. i have been jury summoned 4 different times! the judge at the last summons said that maybe i should go out and buy a lottery ticket. Then i end up on at least half of the cases too. Wish i would have gotten paid, boss doesn't pay out for jury duty. Have an interesting time

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  5. I never got one sent to my FPO or my APO while i was in AIT getting my MOS for NCOS but one time i thought i caught an STD while performing a PMCS on my POV....OK, this is probably only funny to me now but i was in the army so i understand enough for it to be funny....anyways, enjoy the ride bud!

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  6. You shaved??? What the fuck for???

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  7. So I could get picked! I needed to at least appear to be semi respectable. But don't worry, I kept the goatee, just scraped my cheeks and neck.

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