Tuesday, July 07, 2009

A sign of things to come

Well, my day didn't turn out anything like I planned.
I got up this morning nice and early and headed up towards the Walker on the other side of Sonora Pass. I was having a hard time shaking the cobwebs out of my head but figured some nice cool mountain air and a gallon of my lifesaving asskicking wonderful coffee would take care of that. Wrong, wrong, wrong.
At the 5000 foot level I was having a hard time staying awake, so I pulled off onto a logging road, found a small clearing and slept for an hour. I drove on for a bit and started nodding again! Fuck this. I hit the North Fork of the Stanislaus, washed my face and commenced to try to fly fish.
Now you gotta understand that I'm new to this fly fishing shit, so basically what happened was I thrashed the hell out of the water, scared the holy living crap out of every living creature in and around the water and moved on a little further upstream to do the same thing.
This went on for a couple of hours until I was thoroughly satisfied that nobody would every catch anything there ever again, then I went back to my truck and got my 41 magnum out and did some stump busting.
I thought about heading over the Pass and on to Reno (fuck that fly fishing shit) and Virginia City for some partying but started thinking "Why?".
I mean, why in the hell should I waste the gas and time to do something I could do in the comfort of my own home? And it would be a lot cheaper plus I wouldn't have a 4 hour drive home all hungover and feeling pukey.
Some I came home and took a nap. What the fuck, I AM old. And evidently, boring.
I had only been asleep for about 10 minutes when Dad called.
"Whatcha doin' Boy?"
"Taking a fucking nap," I mumbled.
"Well, when you get done with your nap, get your ass over here and carry me down to the Ford dealership so I can pick up my new truck."
The world hates me. "Okay, I'll be there in a minute."
"No, no, finish your nap" he says.
"You finished it for me when you woke me up," I said. "And why in the hell did you buy a new truck anyways? You'll be dead before you pay it off."
"Fuck you" he says and hangs up.
So I drag my ass out the door and take him to get his truck. Nice, I gotta admit. And it'll be mine in a few years.
I came home and tried to lay down again. The phone rings. I forgot to turn it off. It's one of my aunts calling to wish me a happy birthday. The world hates me.
I say "fuck the nap" and go to the store to buy the fixin's for a nice steak dinner. Get home and realized I forgot the charcoal. The world hates me.
I go back to the store for the charcoal and when I get home there's a citation from the city on my door for watering my weeds too early in the day.
The world hates me.


Bella said...

...and it only gets better....

Tattoo Jim said...

When you turn 50, reality takes on a whole new definition... realization just seems to come to you so much easier... certain things just make sense so much quicker... it's almost like you've suddenly gotten into sync with reality... whether you like that reality, however, now that's a different story.

ibeam said...

Tattoo Jim, I thought that happened to me when I turned 40. But perhaps I am wrong?

Lula said...

Well it looks like you got all your bad luck out of the way for the year.

MauserMedic said...