Monday, February 16, 2009
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Should've used gasoline
A little boy about 9 goes into a drugstore and asks where he can find the Red Devil lye.
The clerk asks if his drains were clogged and the boy replied "Naw, my little dog got sprayed by a skunk and then rolled in dogshit to get the smell off and now he smells worse. I think this'll do the trick."
The clerk tells him that lye would probably kill the dog and suggested tomato juice instead, but the boy had his mind made up.
About a week later the boy returns and the clerk asked about the dog.
"Sumbitch died," said the boy.
"I told you that the lye would kill him" said the clerk, shaking his head.
The boy replied "Hey, he made it through the wash okay, but I really think it was the spin cycle that killed him."
The clerk asks if his drains were clogged and the boy replied "Naw, my little dog got sprayed by a skunk and then rolled in dogshit to get the smell off and now he smells worse. I think this'll do the trick."
The clerk tells him that lye would probably kill the dog and suggested tomato juice instead, but the boy had his mind made up.
About a week later the boy returns and the clerk asked about the dog.
"Sumbitch died," said the boy.
"I told you that the lye would kill him" said the clerk, shaking his head.
The boy replied "Hey, he made it through the wash okay, but I really think it was the spin cycle that killed him."
Wake-n-bacon
WHAT: An alarm clock that wakes you up with the smell and sizzle of cooking bacon.
WHY: No one likes to wake up, especially by an alarm. This clock gently wakes you up with the mouthwatering aroma of bacon, just like waking up on a Sunday morning to the smell of Mom cooking breakfast.
HOW: A frozen strip of bacon is placed in Wake n' Bacon the night before. Because there is a 10 minute cooking time, the clock is set to go off 10 minutes before the desired waking time. Once the alarm goes off, the clock it sends a signal to a small speaker to generate the alarm sound. The clock is hacked so that the signal is re-routed by a microchip that in responds by sending a signal to a relay that throws the switch to power two halogen lamps that slow-cook the bacon in about 10 minutes.
WHY: No one likes to wake up, especially by an alarm. This clock gently wakes you up with the mouthwatering aroma of bacon, just like waking up on a Sunday morning to the smell of Mom cooking breakfast.
HOW: A frozen strip of bacon is placed in Wake n' Bacon the night before. Because there is a 10 minute cooking time, the clock is set to go off 10 minutes before the desired waking time. Once the alarm goes off, the clock it sends a signal to a small speaker to generate the alarm sound. The clock is hacked so that the signal is re-routed by a microchip that in responds by sending a signal to a relay that throws the switch to power two halogen lamps that slow-cook the bacon in about 10 minutes.
Thanks Yolo. Gotta get one!
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Thursday, February 12, 2009
The AMA's view of the bail out
The AMA's view of the bail out
The Allergists voted to scratch it, and the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.
The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve, and the Obstetricians felt they were all laboring under a misconception.
The Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted; the Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" while the Pediatricians said, 'Oh, Grow up!'
The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, the Radiologists could see right through it, and the Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing.
The Internists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow, and the Plastic Surgeons said, "This puts a whole new face on the matter."
The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists felt the scheme wouldn't hold water.
The Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas; and the Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.
In the end, the Proctologists left the decision up to the Assholes in Washington......
Thanks, Brian P
The Allergists voted to scratch it, and the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.
The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve, and the Obstetricians felt they were all laboring under a misconception.
The Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted; the Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" while the Pediatricians said, 'Oh, Grow up!'
The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, the Radiologists could see right through it, and the Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing.
The Internists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow, and the Plastic Surgeons said, "This puts a whole new face on the matter."
The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists felt the scheme wouldn't hold water.
The Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas; and the Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.
In the end, the Proctologists left the decision up to the Assholes in Washington......
Thanks, Brian P
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
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