Monday, April 27, 2009
Die Fucker, Die
An elderly man suffered a massive heart attack.
The family drove wildly to get him to the emergency room.
After what seemed like a very long wait, the ER Doctor appeared, wearing his scrubs and a long face.
Sadly, he said, “I’m afraid he is brain-dead, but his heart is still beating.”
“Oh, Dear God,” cried his wife, her hands clasped against her cheeks with shock, “We’ve never had a Liberal in the family before!”
The family drove wildly to get him to the emergency room.
After what seemed like a very long wait, the ER Doctor appeared, wearing his scrubs and a long face.
Sadly, he said, “I’m afraid he is brain-dead, but his heart is still beating.”
“Oh, Dear God,” cried his wife, her hands clasped against her cheeks with shock, “We’ve never had a Liberal in the family before!”
Oh yeah. They're hot.
Police in Hattiesburg, Mississippi, arrested six streetwalkers during an undercover prostitution sting. Anyway, after seeing the mugshots of these ladies, my only question is: How hard up do you have to be to actually pay money to have sex with one of these dirty skanks?
-Yolo
Badges? We don't need no steenking badges
I checked my site meter a few minutes ago and saw that I had a visitor from the Mexican Government (Mexico, Distrito Federal) and he/she viewed 20 pages. Great - not only do I have OUR government checking my ass out, now the Federales are onto me too. I'm not too worried about it though. They can't even keep their own people under control......
Bacon. Mmmmm, bacon......
Gummy Bacon is a great way to scare folks. Here’s how: take some out of the package when no one is looking, cover them in plastic wrap, and wait in your office kitchen. Then, when folks come in, take a strip out, lament how you just don’t have time to cook it, and then eat it anyways! They will be shocked, and you’ll enjoy the nice gummy taste of strawberry - it’s a win/win situation. Gummy Bacon is the only bacon we recommend eating raw - or in the raw (you don’t want grease to spatter on your delicate bits)!
Sunday, April 26, 2009
It's time for...... BACON!
I don't know, let me check my new bacon watch, only $24.98!!!!
-Tattoo Jim
I LOVE IT!!!!!!
I did something pretty cool today while I was in the mountains burning off a couple hundred rounds through my 41 magnum. I recorded a string of shots on my cell phone and set it as my ringtone.
Now, instead of some faggy melody when somebody calls, I get "Snicksnick BAM, snicksnick BAM" six times.
How fucking cool is that?
Now, instead of some faggy melody when somebody calls, I get "Snicksnick BAM, snicksnick BAM" six times.
How fucking cool is that?
Finally! A Friend!
Aw, isn't that nice??? Obama has a real friend in Mr. Chavez.... fucker.
-Tattoo Jim
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Taxation with faux representation
Yeah, somebody is watching... with greedy little eyes. Fuckers.
Tattoo Jim
Tattoo Jim
Friday, April 24, 2009
World's funniest voice mail
This shit is funnier than hell. I listened to it a half dozen times and laughed just as hard the last time as I did the first.
http://www.canucklehead.ca/blog/funny_voicemail.html
Thanks to Tattoo Jim
http://www.canucklehead.ca/blog/funny_voicemail.html
Thanks to Tattoo Jim
Bacon is b-a-d.....
Industrial Accidents
American businesses are always looking for ways to sustain and increase profits. Workers who use bacon cut into these profits. According to a leading medical journal, bacon users had 55% more industrial accidents than non-users.
Injuries
Injuries cost businesses money through increased workers' compensation claims and insurance costs. One study found that bacon users had 85% more injuries at work than non-users. When safety comes first, ensuring that workers do not use bacon is an important step.
Absenteeism
In order for businesses to work, employees must show up to work. Bacon users have been shown to have a 78% increase in absenteeism over non-users. Absent workers mean lower productivity.
Disciplinary Problems
In the same study, workers who tested positive for bacon use had disciplinary problems at work 64% more often than workers who tested negative for bacon.
Cognitive Skills
Bacon decreases motor skills, concentration and coordination. Accidents may result from a distortion of time and space relationships. Users may experience shifting sensory imagery, impaired memory, and a dulling of attention despite an illusion of heightened insight. Occasionally, an altered sense of self-identity and paranoia are reported.
Transportation
The highways, railways, air routes and waterways of America are a vital part of the business infrastructure. They can also be dangerous. Businesses with bacon-impaired operators take a greater chance of causing injury to themselves, their shipments, and the traveling public. Accident records from one study showed that up to 12% of non-fatally injured drivers and up to 16% of fatally injured drivers had bacon in their stomachs.
Job Performance
The behavior of bacon-eating employees is associated with negative attitudes toward work and job performance. Surveys have found that bacon users were less likely to commit to the organization, had lower job satisfaction, and had higher job turnover rates. The data indicates that bacon use is strongly associated with poor workplace performance. The bottom line is that bacon users do not make good employees!
So? What's your point?
-Tattoo Jim
American businesses are always looking for ways to sustain and increase profits. Workers who use bacon cut into these profits. According to a leading medical journal, bacon users had 55% more industrial accidents than non-users.
Injuries
Injuries cost businesses money through increased workers' compensation claims and insurance costs. One study found that bacon users had 85% more injuries at work than non-users. When safety comes first, ensuring that workers do not use bacon is an important step.
Absenteeism
In order for businesses to work, employees must show up to work. Bacon users have been shown to have a 78% increase in absenteeism over non-users. Absent workers mean lower productivity.
Disciplinary Problems
In the same study, workers who tested positive for bacon use had disciplinary problems at work 64% more often than workers who tested negative for bacon.
Cognitive Skills
Bacon decreases motor skills, concentration and coordination. Accidents may result from a distortion of time and space relationships. Users may experience shifting sensory imagery, impaired memory, and a dulling of attention despite an illusion of heightened insight. Occasionally, an altered sense of self-identity and paranoia are reported.
Transportation
The highways, railways, air routes and waterways of America are a vital part of the business infrastructure. They can also be dangerous. Businesses with bacon-impaired operators take a greater chance of causing injury to themselves, their shipments, and the traveling public. Accident records from one study showed that up to 12% of non-fatally injured drivers and up to 16% of fatally injured drivers had bacon in their stomachs.
Job Performance
The behavior of bacon-eating employees is associated with negative attitudes toward work and job performance. Surveys have found that bacon users were less likely to commit to the organization, had lower job satisfaction, and had higher job turnover rates. The data indicates that bacon use is strongly associated with poor workplace performance. The bottom line is that bacon users do not make good employees!
So? What's your point?
-Tattoo Jim
Oh well, what can we say?
The State of Sonora is angry at Influx of Mexicans into Mexico. Nine state legislators from the Mexican state of Sonora traveled to Tucson to complain about Arizona 's new employer crackdown on illegal’s from Mexico... It seems that many Mexican illegals are now returning to their hometowns and the officials in the Sonora state government are ticked off about it.
A delegation of nine state legislators from Sonora was in Tucson on Tuesday to say Arizona 's new employer sanctions law will have a devastating effect on the Mexican state.
At a news conference, the legislators said Sonora - Arizona 's southern neighbor, made up of mostly small towns - cannot handle the demand for housing, jobs and schools it will face as illegal Mexican workers here return to their hometowns without jobs or money. The law, which took effect Jan.1, punishes employers who knowingly hire individuals who don't have valid legal documents to work in the United States. Penalties include suspension of, or loss of, their business license.
The Mexican legislators are angry because their own citizens are returning to their hometowns, placing a burden on their state government. 'How can they pass a law like this?' asked Mexican Rep. Leticia Amparano-Gamez, who represents Nogales.
'There is not one person living in Sonora who does not have a friend or relative working in Arizona,' she said, speaking only in Spanish. 'Mexico is not prepared for this, for the tremendous problems it will face as more and more Mexicans working in Arizona and sending money to their families return to hometowns in Sonora without jobs,' she said.
'We are one family, socially and economically,' she said of the people of Sonora and Arizona... Wrong!
The United States is a sovereign nation, not a subsidiary of Mexico , and its taxpayers are not responsible for the welfare of Mexico 's citizens.
It's time for the Mexican government, and its citizens, to stop parasitically feeding off of the United States and to start taking care of their own needs.
Too bad all the US states don't pass a law just like Sonora. Maybe that's the answer, since our own Congress will not do anything!
New Immigration Laws:
Read to the bottom or you will miss the message...
1. There will be no special bilingual programs in the schools.
2. All ballots will be in this nation's language.
3. All government business will be conducted in our language.
4. Non-residents will NOT have the right to vote no matter how long they are here.
5. Non-citizens will NEVER be able to hold political office
6. Foreigners will not be a burden to the taxpayers. No welfare, no food stamps, no health care, or other government assistance programs. Any burden will be deported.
7. Foreigners can invest in this country, but it must be an amount at least equal to 40,000 times the daily minimum wage.
8. If foreigners come here and buy land... options will be restricted. Certain parcels including waterfront property are reserved for citizens naturally born into this country.
9. Foreigners may have no protests; no demonstrations, no waving of a foreign flag, no political organizing, no bad-mouthing our president or his policies. These will lead to deportation.
10. If you do come to this country illegally, you will be actively hunted and, when caught, sent to jail until your deportation can be arranged. All assets will be taken from you.
Too strict?
The above laws are current immigration laws of MEXICO!!!
A delegation of nine state legislators from Sonora was in Tucson on Tuesday to say Arizona 's new employer sanctions law will have a devastating effect on the Mexican state.
At a news conference, the legislators said Sonora - Arizona 's southern neighbor, made up of mostly small towns - cannot handle the demand for housing, jobs and schools it will face as illegal Mexican workers here return to their hometowns without jobs or money. The law, which took effect Jan.1, punishes employers who knowingly hire individuals who don't have valid legal documents to work in the United States. Penalties include suspension of, or loss of, their business license.
The Mexican legislators are angry because their own citizens are returning to their hometowns, placing a burden on their state government. 'How can they pass a law like this?' asked Mexican Rep. Leticia Amparano-Gamez, who represents Nogales.
'There is not one person living in Sonora who does not have a friend or relative working in Arizona,' she said, speaking only in Spanish. 'Mexico is not prepared for this, for the tremendous problems it will face as more and more Mexicans working in Arizona and sending money to their families return to hometowns in Sonora without jobs,' she said.
'We are one family, socially and economically,' she said of the people of Sonora and Arizona... Wrong!
The United States is a sovereign nation, not a subsidiary of Mexico , and its taxpayers are not responsible for the welfare of Mexico 's citizens.
It's time for the Mexican government, and its citizens, to stop parasitically feeding off of the United States and to start taking care of their own needs.
Too bad all the US states don't pass a law just like Sonora. Maybe that's the answer, since our own Congress will not do anything!
New Immigration Laws:
Read to the bottom or you will miss the message...
1. There will be no special bilingual programs in the schools.
2. All ballots will be in this nation's language.
3. All government business will be conducted in our language.
4. Non-residents will NOT have the right to vote no matter how long they are here.
5. Non-citizens will NEVER be able to hold political office
6. Foreigners will not be a burden to the taxpayers. No welfare, no food stamps, no health care, or other government assistance programs. Any burden will be deported.
7. Foreigners can invest in this country, but it must be an amount at least equal to 40,000 times the daily minimum wage.
8. If foreigners come here and buy land... options will be restricted. Certain parcels including waterfront property are reserved for citizens naturally born into this country.
9. Foreigners may have no protests; no demonstrations, no waving of a foreign flag, no political organizing, no bad-mouthing our president or his policies. These will lead to deportation.
10. If you do come to this country illegally, you will be actively hunted and, when caught, sent to jail until your deportation can be arranged. All assets will be taken from you.
Too strict?
The above laws are current immigration laws of MEXICO!!!
The Gathering - 1883
Click to enlarge.
This photo is in dispute by experts but is still pretty damn cool.
Cappin' on Obama
Q. What do Obama and Osama have in common?
A. They both have friends who bombed the Pentagon.
Q. Why wouldn’t Barack salute the American flag?
A. It was ours.
Q. Why did Barack Obama register to run for office as a Democrat?
A. The Communist Party doesn’t have enough voters.
Q. Why does Barack Obama oppose the Second Amendment?
A. It stands between him and the First.
Q. Why won’t Barack Obama’s presidential jet be flight worthy?
A. It will only have a left wing.
A. They both have friends who bombed the Pentagon.
Q. Why wouldn’t Barack salute the American flag?
A. It was ours.
Q. Why did Barack Obama register to run for office as a Democrat?
A. The Communist Party doesn’t have enough voters.
Q. Why does Barack Obama oppose the Second Amendment?
A. It stands between him and the First.
Q. Why won’t Barack Obama’s presidential jet be flight worthy?
A. It will only have a left wing.
Another blog I like
A no-bullshit blogger that ain't afraid to say what he thinks.
"Soylent Green"
http://cbullitt.wordpress.com/
"Soylent Green"
http://cbullitt.wordpress.com/
And I thought I was ugly....
This is a Mole Rat, native to Africa.
If you are having a bad day and feeling sorry for yourself, remember:
Things could be worse, you COULD look like a dick with buck teeth.
I don't like squash either.....
What do spinach and anal sex have in common? If it was forced on you as a kid, you probably won’t like it as an adult.
Nancy, Nancy, Nancy....
Two blonde girls walk into a department store. They walk up to the perfume counter and pick up a sample bottle. Nancy sprays it on her wrist and smells it, "That's quite nice, don't you think, Kathy?"
Kathy takes a sniff and replies, "That is nice. What's it called?"
"Viens a moi," replies Nancy.
"Viens a moi? What the heck does that mean?"
At this stage the store clerk offers some help. "Viens a moi, ladies, means 'come to me' in French."
Nancy takes another sniff, then offers her arm to Kathy again, and remarks, "That doesn't smell like cum to me. Does that smell like cum to you?"
Kathy takes a sniff and replies, "That is nice. What's it called?"
"Viens a moi," replies Nancy.
"Viens a moi? What the heck does that mean?"
At this stage the store clerk offers some help. "Viens a moi, ladies, means 'come to me' in French."
Nancy takes another sniff, then offers her arm to Kathy again, and remarks, "That doesn't smell like cum to me. Does that smell like cum to you?"
Fucking Okies, I swear....
Oklahoma's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery.
Search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night.
Search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night.
It just ain't blondes ....
These contractors are installing the steel pillars in concrete to stop vehicles from parking on the pavement outside a Sports Bar downtown. They are now in the process of cleaning up at the end of the day and anxious to go home.
How long until they realize where they parked?
Thanks, Dan Dan the Truck Drivin' Man
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Obama would go for this shit
China has proposed replacing the U.S. Dollar with a new global currency…
The Wal-Mart Gift Certificate.
Thanks, Yolo
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
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