I was wandering through the Winco market today trying to figure out what I can cook tomorrow to last me for a couple of days - thinking about a nice pork roast, but then I saw some smoked ham hocks.
So now it's all about a big pot of pinto beans, hocks, fried potatoes and cornbread, all for under 10 bucks. And not only that but I stayed true to the pig.
Sonofabitch, I love Okie food.
And the good thing about beans is after I get tired of them I can mash them all up for refries on tortillas with a dab of rice, chicken, cilantro, tomatoes and them vicious little peppers that I love so much.
Being poor does have it's benefits, don't it?
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Another new blog
Looks like it's just starting out but it has some funny shit.
http://harlemshaterade.blogspot.com
Give it whirl.
http://harlemshaterade.blogspot.com
Give it whirl.
Monday, September 28, 2009
A Gun, a Sweetie and a Big-Ass Dog
Here's something to warm your hearts.
Robert sent these in a while back - sorry it took so long to post but you oughta see my inbox.
Top picture is his wife shooting a 20 mm and the bottom one is his dog Goliath taking over the tub.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
This is an outrage!!!!!!!
I just heard on Redeye that the fucking Dummycrats are considering passing a bill that outlaws Ultra-Plush Toilet paper because it requires older timber to make.
Oh, hell NO!!!!!!!
I have a delicate heinie, ya know. I need my Ultra-Plush Charmin.
Oh, hell NO!!!!!!!
I have a delicate heinie, ya know. I need my Ultra-Plush Charmin.
Thoughts
1) Why do I always have to shit after I pass the last gas station between towns?
2) How come it's right hand fast, left hand slow instead of left hand fast, right hand slow? Men know what I'm talking about.
3) Why is it whores that men hire are uglier than their wives?
4) FUCK YOU, OBAMA. That one was for Jim.
5) Why is it that the first thing a dog does after eating a cat turd is try to lick you in the face?
6) Why do I see my doctor in a restaurant eating red meat and drinking beer?
7) It always seems like I run out of windshield washer fluid right before a big-ass bug hits my windshield?
8) How come Deb never posts pictures of herself?
9) Am I attracted to pyscho women or are they attracted to me?
10) And finally: Why is it that when I use spellcheck, "Fuck" is okay but "damn" isn't?
2) How come it's right hand fast, left hand slow instead of left hand fast, right hand slow? Men know what I'm talking about.
3) Why is it whores that men hire are uglier than their wives?
4) FUCK YOU, OBAMA. That one was for Jim.
5) Why is it that the first thing a dog does after eating a cat turd is try to lick you in the face?
6) Why do I see my doctor in a restaurant eating red meat and drinking beer?
7) It always seems like I run out of windshield washer fluid right before a big-ass bug hits my windshield?
8) How come Deb never posts pictures of herself?
9) Am I attracted to pyscho women or are they attracted to me?
10) And finally: Why is it that when I use spellcheck, "Fuck" is okay but "damn" isn't?
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Another good humor blog
http://malebovineperflogs.blogspot.com/
Got this link from Shay. Send some traffic his way, will you?
Got this link from Shay. Send some traffic his way, will you?
Bacon. Mmmmm, bacon.....
My first post of the day concerned a house that went up in flames because of a pan of bacon caught fire.
I cannot believe that there are people out there that can fuck up a pan of bacon.
BUT........ apparently there are. If you fall into this group and are too embarrassed to admit it, never fear. I am now going to explain to you how to properly fry up a pound of bacon.
What you need to get started is:
A pound of thick sliced bacon
2 or 3 or 4 beers
Bacon grease
3 or 4 slices of stale bread.
A frying pan or two
1 drooling dog
Let's talk about bacon first. When I say thick sliced, I mean thick sliced. This means you either have to go to the butcher shop or if you can find it, the stuff in your grocery store that's labeled "Ends & Pieces". It comes in 3 pound packages and runs about 6 bucks. Or even better, bacon that you slice yourself. Quarter inch thick slices are just about right.
It can be regular smoked bacon or pepper bacon. I prefer pepper bacon, myself.
Let's get started.
Now there's 2 schools of thought on frying bacon. Some folks like to throw the whole pound in 1 skillet, mix it all up and fry away. I don't go for that shit. I like to lay mine flat and fry it, that way it's all cooked the same. You don't end up with raw fat on some pieces and burnt meat on the others.
That being said, crack open a beer and cut your bacon to fit your pan(s). I use two pans at a time so the bacon is done quicker. Set it aside for a minute, being careful to keep it out of reach of the dog.
Melt enough bacon grease to cover the bacon once it's in the pan. DO NOT use olive oil or vegetable oil. If you are even considering this, you oughta be shot. Move your cursor to the right hand corner of this page and click the little red X, then go to some French website where you belong. While you're there, learn how to wave a white flag, pussy.
Heat your grease on a medium heat. You don't want it to smoke, but you do want the bacon to sizzle when you put it in the pan. Crack open another beer.
Put your bacon into the pan, laying it out flat. There should be enough grease to cover it all to ensure even cooking. If it spatters, turn down your heat just a tad. Sizzle, good. Spatter, bad. Do not cover the pan. You don't want to foul your bacon with water moisture. If you get grease on the stove, wipe it off. If some of it hits the floor, well, that's part of the reason of why you have a dog handy.
After a few minutes, kick the dog out of the way and pick up a piece directly over the heat and check the fat on the underside of the meat. It's it's turning a nice golden brown, start flipping the rest of them, rotating them in the pan so that the ones that were on the edge of the pan are now over the heat and vice versa. This should be the last time you flip the bacon. It should cook for about half the time before you flipped it. Open another beer.
Take the stale bread and tear it into small pieces and lay them on a plate or in a large bowl. Set that aside.
Okay, here's the critical part. Check the underside of the bacon again. When it looks like it's almost done, it IS done. Open another beer and without removing your pan from the burner, remove all the bacon except for one piece from the pan. As you remove the bacon, set it on the bread. This will soak up the grease.
Cook the remaining piece of bacon until it is good and crispy to the point of being burned. Pull it out, crumble it up and throw it back into the grease. That way you'll have cracklins in your grease for next time. Take the pan off the burner.
What you have ended up with is a pound of bacon that is chewy, flavorful and evenly cooked.
Remove your bacon from the bread and throw the grease soaked bread to the dog. It'll put a shine in his coat, his bowels will move better and he'll love ya forever.
Now how fucking hard was that? And you didn't even burn your house down......
I cannot believe that there are people out there that can fuck up a pan of bacon.
BUT........ apparently there are. If you fall into this group and are too embarrassed to admit it, never fear. I am now going to explain to you how to properly fry up a pound of bacon.
What you need to get started is:
A pound of thick sliced bacon
2 or 3 or 4 beers
Bacon grease
3 or 4 slices of stale bread.
A frying pan or two
1 drooling dog
Let's talk about bacon first. When I say thick sliced, I mean thick sliced. This means you either have to go to the butcher shop or if you can find it, the stuff in your grocery store that's labeled "Ends & Pieces". It comes in 3 pound packages and runs about 6 bucks. Or even better, bacon that you slice yourself. Quarter inch thick slices are just about right.
It can be regular smoked bacon or pepper bacon. I prefer pepper bacon, myself.
Let's get started.
Now there's 2 schools of thought on frying bacon. Some folks like to throw the whole pound in 1 skillet, mix it all up and fry away. I don't go for that shit. I like to lay mine flat and fry it, that way it's all cooked the same. You don't end up with raw fat on some pieces and burnt meat on the others.
That being said, crack open a beer and cut your bacon to fit your pan(s). I use two pans at a time so the bacon is done quicker. Set it aside for a minute, being careful to keep it out of reach of the dog.
Melt enough bacon grease to cover the bacon once it's in the pan. DO NOT use olive oil or vegetable oil. If you are even considering this, you oughta be shot. Move your cursor to the right hand corner of this page and click the little red X, then go to some French website where you belong. While you're there, learn how to wave a white flag, pussy.
Heat your grease on a medium heat. You don't want it to smoke, but you do want the bacon to sizzle when you put it in the pan. Crack open another beer.
Put your bacon into the pan, laying it out flat. There should be enough grease to cover it all to ensure even cooking. If it spatters, turn down your heat just a tad. Sizzle, good. Spatter, bad. Do not cover the pan. You don't want to foul your bacon with water moisture. If you get grease on the stove, wipe it off. If some of it hits the floor, well, that's part of the reason of why you have a dog handy.
After a few minutes, kick the dog out of the way and pick up a piece directly over the heat and check the fat on the underside of the meat. It's it's turning a nice golden brown, start flipping the rest of them, rotating them in the pan so that the ones that were on the edge of the pan are now over the heat and vice versa. This should be the last time you flip the bacon. It should cook for about half the time before you flipped it. Open another beer.
Take the stale bread and tear it into small pieces and lay them on a plate or in a large bowl. Set that aside.
Okay, here's the critical part. Check the underside of the bacon again. When it looks like it's almost done, it IS done. Open another beer and without removing your pan from the burner, remove all the bacon except for one piece from the pan. As you remove the bacon, set it on the bread. This will soak up the grease.
Cook the remaining piece of bacon until it is good and crispy to the point of being burned. Pull it out, crumble it up and throw it back into the grease. That way you'll have cracklins in your grease for next time. Take the pan off the burner.
What you have ended up with is a pound of bacon that is chewy, flavorful and evenly cooked.
Remove your bacon from the bread and throw the grease soaked bread to the dog. It'll put a shine in his coat, his bowels will move better and he'll love ya forever.
Now how fucking hard was that? And you didn't even burn your house down......
Watch for smoke, too
Okay, it's come to my attention the past couple of days that there are some seriously stupid fucking people out there.
One of the things that got me to thinking is the article in the post below this one. And I'm going to get back to that later.
The other one that grabbed my attention is this: A while back about dusk I was kicking back enjoying some cold liquid refreshments and somebody knocks on my door. This is unusual because NOBODY comes over to my house unless they call first and secondly, I don't have any fucking friends anymore anyways. I don't know why.
"GO AWAY" I holler. They knock again.
Fuck. I put down my beer, pick up my revolver and open the door. There's a cutie in her early 20s standing there with 4 of her friends out by the curb.
"Good evening, sir. We're college students at MJC and we're trying to make some extra money painting house numbers on curbs and we just happened to notice that you don't have a lighted house number......"
"Yeah, I'm not interested. Go away." I don't believe they're college students anyway. If they really were, they'd be out drinking and smoking dope somewhere and listening to indy music instead of pestering me on a Friday night.
"But sir, what if your house were to catch fire? How would the fire department find your house?" she asks.
Jeez, your parents are supporting your dumb ass through college?
I just looked at her and said "They'd probably home in on the flames shooting through the roof, Sweetie."
One of the things that got me to thinking is the article in the post below this one. And I'm going to get back to that later.
The other one that grabbed my attention is this: A while back about dusk I was kicking back enjoying some cold liquid refreshments and somebody knocks on my door. This is unusual because NOBODY comes over to my house unless they call first and secondly, I don't have any fucking friends anymore anyways. I don't know why.
"GO AWAY" I holler. They knock again.
Fuck. I put down my beer, pick up my revolver and open the door. There's a cutie in her early 20s standing there with 4 of her friends out by the curb.
"Good evening, sir. We're college students at MJC and we're trying to make some extra money painting house numbers on curbs and we just happened to notice that you don't have a lighted house number......"
"Yeah, I'm not interested. Go away." I don't believe they're college students anyway. If they really were, they'd be out drinking and smoking dope somewhere and listening to indy music instead of pestering me on a Friday night.
"But sir, what if your house were to catch fire? How would the fire department find your house?" she asks.
Jeez, your parents are supporting your dumb ass through college?
I just looked at her and said "They'd probably home in on the flames shooting through the roof, Sweetie."
That's what happens when you abuse bacon
From the Modesto Bee:
A family of four was temporarily displaced Wednesday after a cooking accident triggered a fire in a Modesto home's attic, fire officials said. No injuries were reported.
The attic fire was reported about 1:15 p.m. at the single-story house at Mount Vernon Drive and Tully Road.
Fire Battalion Chief Terry Inderbitzen said the fire actually started a few hours before, when burning bacon produced flames that moved up into the vent above the stove.
Karma's a bitch.
A family of four was temporarily displaced Wednesday after a cooking accident triggered a fire in a Modesto home's attic, fire officials said. No injuries were reported.
The attic fire was reported about 1:15 p.m. at the single-story house at Mount Vernon Drive and Tully Road.
Fire Battalion Chief Terry Inderbitzen said the fire actually started a few hours before, when burning bacon produced flames that moved up into the vent above the stove.
Karma's a bitch.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
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