This is our 10 y/o dog Bruno. Half Rottweiler and half Rhodesian ridgeback. Good solid dog.
Thanks for your picture, Jim.
Give him a hug for me if you dare.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Jim's dog Bruno
This is our 10 y/o dog Bruno. Half Rottweiler and half Rhodesian ridgeback. Good solid dog.
Thanks for your picture, Jim.
Give him a hug for me if you dare.
Why, oh why?
Why do Sharks swim circles around you before attacking?
Two great white sharks, swimming in the ocean, spied survivors of a sunken ship. "Follow me, son." the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the mass of people.
"First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing." And they did.
"Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few more times with all of our fins showing." And they did.
"Now we eat everybody." And they did.
When they were both gorged, the son asked, "Dad, why didn't we just eat them all at first? Why did we swim around and around them?"
His wise father replied, "Because they taste better without the shit inside!"
-Yolo
Two great white sharks, swimming in the ocean, spied survivors of a sunken ship. "Follow me, son." the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the mass of people.
"First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing." And they did.
"Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few more times with all of our fins showing." And they did.
"Now we eat everybody." And they did.
When they were both gorged, the son asked, "Dad, why didn't we just eat them all at first? Why did we swim around and around them?"
His wise father replied, "Because they taste better without the shit inside!"
-Yolo
Dog pictures
Send me pictures of your dogs. I'll post them and give them their 15 minutes of fame.
Pictures of the dogs and a pile of dogshit in the shot get priorities.
Pictures of the dogs and a pile of dogshit in the shot get priorities.
When I got out of the shower
My views on Islam
Okay, I can keep this short and sweet.
Allah is the god of my enemy and Mohammad was a goat fucker.
Any questions?
Allah is the god of my enemy and Mohammad was a goat fucker.
Any questions?
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
New Fucking Neighbors (Pt. II)
So I get home tonight and cook my dinner and lunch for tomorrow and hear some more fucking noise next door.
Heavy sigh. I know I was an asshole last night, but we gotta live next to each other for a couple of years, I might need them to keep an eye on my place and feed CharlieGodammit when coyote shooting picks up, and they might even provide a handy alibi someday.
I knock on their door. Callie pops into view and casts a fearful look for Charlie. Crosses her legs just in case.
"Yes, SIR????"
"Lighten up, dammit. My name's Kenny. Sorry 'bout last night. I made you young folks dinner. Here."
"Dinner? Did you spit in it?"
Damn, I like this girl more and more.......
"Naw, fuck no. It's pork chops cooked in mushroom and celery soup. Kicks ass over smashed taters. Which I have thoughtfully included by the way."
"Why are you being nice?"
'Cause I might need something from you later? "Because I'm sorry. I just figured that with y'all working late, you ain't got time to make dinner. I got extra."
She takes the platter, plates, and silverware. "Well, maybe I was too harsh in judging you. Thank you."
I started down the porch and heard her tell her young fella, "Look Josh, that asshole neighbor brought us dinner!"
Josh answered "Did the motherfucker spit in it?"
I think were gonna get along just fine.......
Heavy sigh. I know I was an asshole last night, but we gotta live next to each other for a couple of years, I might need them to keep an eye on my place and feed CharlieGodammit when coyote shooting picks up, and they might even provide a handy alibi someday.
I knock on their door. Callie pops into view and casts a fearful look for Charlie. Crosses her legs just in case.
"Yes, SIR????"
"Lighten up, dammit. My name's Kenny. Sorry 'bout last night. I made you young folks dinner. Here."
"Dinner? Did you spit in it?"
Damn, I like this girl more and more.......
"Naw, fuck no. It's pork chops cooked in mushroom and celery soup. Kicks ass over smashed taters. Which I have thoughtfully included by the way."
"Why are you being nice?"
'Cause I might need something from you later? "Because I'm sorry. I just figured that with y'all working late, you ain't got time to make dinner. I got extra."
She takes the platter, plates, and silverware. "Well, maybe I was too harsh in judging you. Thank you."
I started down the porch and heard her tell her young fella, "Look Josh, that asshole neighbor brought us dinner!"
Josh answered "Did the motherfucker spit in it?"
I think were gonna get along just fine.......
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
New fucking neighbors
I got new neighbors.
Stupid fuckers.
The house next door had been vacant for about 6 months and just couldn't sell due to the price and the fucking banks all of a sudden getting cautious because they lost their asses last year.
Hey, even with the squatters and dope fiends trying to take it over, I enjoyed the fact it was semi empty. I had entertainment everytime I felt like kicking some doper ass - all I had to do was kick open the garage door - but I also had a little privacy after word got out about the asskicking. No neighbors to fuck with me except my pyscho neighbor on the other side and we're kinda sorta on the same wavelength, if you know what I mean.
Okay. So the other night I'm in the back yard drinking beer and chucking empty beer cans at CharlieGodammit and I hear something next door. Oooooh, in broad daylight no less. These motherfuckers are getting shameless.
So I rassle CGD into a leash and head next door. Two cars in the driveway. The door is open. A hippie looking dude is on the floor ripping out the baseboards. Oh, this is gonna be fun.
"Something I fucking help you with, asshole?" I say. He looks startled and raises his knife.
This girl pops out of the bedroom. I'm surrounded. I cut CGD loose from his leash. He immediately runs over and buries his nose in her crotch. Good boy. I'd have done the same thing.
"Hi! We're moving in! Do live nearby?" she says.
"Yeah. Next door. You bought this place?" Not even trying to call CGD off, he's having fun.
She crosses her legs. The dude with the knife (okay, paintbrush) gets up.
"Um hey. My name is Josh."
"And my name is Callie."
"Yeah. That's CharlieGodammit."
"Charlie what?" in unison.
"CharlieGodammit. You'll find out why."
"And your name is what, sir?" the hippie asked.
"Sir works for now, man" I reply.
"We've been married for only 3 months!" Callie says.
Well, whoop-ti-woo, I think. Wait for 10 or 15 years and see how you feel then.
"Sir?"
"What?"
"Please, call CharlieGodammit off..... Please?"
Stupid fuckers.
The house next door had been vacant for about 6 months and just couldn't sell due to the price and the fucking banks all of a sudden getting cautious because they lost their asses last year.
Hey, even with the squatters and dope fiends trying to take it over, I enjoyed the fact it was semi empty. I had entertainment everytime I felt like kicking some doper ass - all I had to do was kick open the garage door - but I also had a little privacy after word got out about the asskicking. No neighbors to fuck with me except my pyscho neighbor on the other side and we're kinda sorta on the same wavelength, if you know what I mean.
Okay. So the other night I'm in the back yard drinking beer and chucking empty beer cans at CharlieGodammit and I hear something next door. Oooooh, in broad daylight no less. These motherfuckers are getting shameless.
So I rassle CGD into a leash and head next door. Two cars in the driveway. The door is open. A hippie looking dude is on the floor ripping out the baseboards. Oh, this is gonna be fun.
"Something I fucking help you with, asshole?" I say. He looks startled and raises his knife.
This girl pops out of the bedroom. I'm surrounded. I cut CGD loose from his leash. He immediately runs over and buries his nose in her crotch. Good boy. I'd have done the same thing.
"Hi! We're moving in! Do live nearby?" she says.
"Yeah. Next door. You bought this place?" Not even trying to call CGD off, he's having fun.
She crosses her legs. The dude with the knife (okay, paintbrush) gets up.
"Um hey. My name is Josh."
"And my name is Callie."
"Yeah. That's CharlieGodammit."
"Charlie what?" in unison.
"CharlieGodammit. You'll find out why."
"And your name is what, sir?" the hippie asked.
"Sir works for now, man" I reply.
"We've been married for only 3 months!" Callie says.
Well, whoop-ti-woo, I think. Wait for 10 or 15 years and see how you feel then.
"Sir?"
"What?"
"Please, call CharlieGodammit off..... Please?"
Monday, August 23, 2010
My early years....
I'm sorry, but that Short Bus post the other day brought back some bad memories of my school years.
Mama's cigarette ashes in my baloney and jam sammiches....
My cousin calling me a prevert 'cause I felt him up....
Sister hiding my helmet from me....
Dad pissing in my helmet when he found it first....
Me not qualifying for the Special Olympics....
Mama's cigarette ashes in my baloney and jam sammiches....
My cousin calling me a prevert 'cause I felt him up....
Sister hiding my helmet from me....
Dad pissing in my helmet when he found it first....
Me not qualifying for the Special Olympics....
Sunday, August 22, 2010
My day so far
Still not chewing and there are no unsolved homicides in town so far this weekend.
My appetite has kinda sorta returned to normal, I haven't had a thing to drink all day and I spent the day cleaning house and smoking a big-ass piece of meat.
My appetite has kinda sorta returned to normal, I haven't had a thing to drink all day and I spent the day cleaning house and smoking a big-ass piece of meat.
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Priorities, ya know?
No more posts for a while. One of my favorite movies - Cool Hand Luke - is coming on. I gotta make yet another beer run and boil a bunch of motherfucking eggs.
"Shakin' the bush Boss, shakin' the bush......"
"What we have heah, is a failure to communicate......"
"Goin' ninety, I ain't scarey long as I got my virgin Mary....."
"Shakin' the bush Boss, shakin' the bush......"
"What we have heah, is a failure to communicate......"
"Goin' ninety, I ain't scarey long as I got my virgin Mary....."
Chew update, dammit.
It's been a couple of days now and I'm still tobacco free.
For the first time in my adult life I do not have a can of Copenhagen within reach, or even in my home for that matter.
It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be although it's not over yet. At this point I'm still trying to quit. I will be sucessful when I no longer think about it more than 3 times a minute.
I've managed to keep a pretty good humor, haven't been short-tempered much, and I'm not real anxious any more. The dog has come out of hiding although I think the Evil Cats have left the county.
As a matter of fact, the only real problems I'm having is a huge appetite and my hands are shaking like a motherfucker, shaking so bad that I passed a shot on a coyote at 75 yards STANDING broadside to me this morning. I could not keep my crosshairs on his chest and wasn't sure I could get a clean kill.
My appetite? Fuck, let's just say I blew my diet to hell. Let's see, today I've eaten 8 eggs (4 fried, 4 boiled), a pound of bacon, a big ol' chunk of breakfast ham, some drop biscuits with cream gravy for breakfast, some refries, rice, carne asada, 6 homemade flour tortillas, 3 avacados and a 16 ounce tub of cottage cheese for lunch, and got a large pizza on the barbecue for dinner. And I've eaten better than a pound of fresh jalapenos throughout my wanderings. Plus I've knocked back an 18 pack of Busch and have another 12 pack in the icebox.
In all fairness, I've been up since 3 AM so I could go look at coyotes (lucky motherfuckers) but still, that's a lot of motherfucking groceries there.
And did I mention that suddenly I've got a huge craving for chocolate? I don't eat chocolate or sugar. I haven't bought sugar in years and I honestly cannot remember the last time I ate chocolate but right now I'd kill for a Mars bar.
For the first time in my adult life I do not have a can of Copenhagen within reach, or even in my home for that matter.
It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be although it's not over yet. At this point I'm still trying to quit. I will be sucessful when I no longer think about it more than 3 times a minute.
I've managed to keep a pretty good humor, haven't been short-tempered much, and I'm not real anxious any more. The dog has come out of hiding although I think the Evil Cats have left the county.
As a matter of fact, the only real problems I'm having is a huge appetite and my hands are shaking like a motherfucker, shaking so bad that I passed a shot on a coyote at 75 yards STANDING broadside to me this morning. I could not keep my crosshairs on his chest and wasn't sure I could get a clean kill.
My appetite? Fuck, let's just say I blew my diet to hell. Let's see, today I've eaten 8 eggs (4 fried, 4 boiled), a pound of bacon, a big ol' chunk of breakfast ham, some drop biscuits with cream gravy for breakfast, some refries, rice, carne asada, 6 homemade flour tortillas, 3 avacados and a 16 ounce tub of cottage cheese for lunch, and got a large pizza on the barbecue for dinner. And I've eaten better than a pound of fresh jalapenos throughout my wanderings. Plus I've knocked back an 18 pack of Busch and have another 12 pack in the icebox.
In all fairness, I've been up since 3 AM so I could go look at coyotes (lucky motherfuckers) but still, that's a lot of motherfucking groceries there.
And did I mention that suddenly I've got a huge craving for chocolate? I don't eat chocolate or sugar. I haven't bought sugar in years and I honestly cannot remember the last time I ate chocolate but right now I'd kill for a Mars bar.
Business is booming
A friend of mine just started his own business, making landmines that look like prayer mats. He says business is booming, and prophets are going through the roof…
Thanks, Bella. This is great!
Thanks, Bella. This is great!
Friday, August 20, 2010
A coach named Bubba wouldn't have pulled this shit
DEARBORN, Mich. — A Michigan high school football team is holding preseason practices in the middle of the night to help its Muslim players practice both faith and football.
The predominantly Muslim squad from Dearborn says the nocturnal regimen is a way for players to eat and drink while observing the holy month of daytime fasting known as Ramadan that started last week.
The August heat also played a factor in Fordson High coach Fouad Zaban’s proposal to reverse the clock for a week of two-a-day practices.
Cutting practice wasn’t an option at football-crazy Fordson, which is coming off a one-loss season and has won four state titles and three runner-up seasons since it was established in 1928.
But nobody wanted to lessen the significance of Ramadan in the Detroit suburb widely known as the capital of Arab-America.
The moonlight practice is tailored for Adnan Restum and fellow Muslim teammates.
Thanks, Woody. I think...... I seriously thought you were fucking with me when you told me about this at work.
The predominantly Muslim squad from Dearborn says the nocturnal regimen is a way for players to eat and drink while observing the holy month of daytime fasting known as Ramadan that started last week.
The August heat also played a factor in Fordson High coach Fouad Zaban’s proposal to reverse the clock for a week of two-a-day practices.
Cutting practice wasn’t an option at football-crazy Fordson, which is coming off a one-loss season and has won four state titles and three runner-up seasons since it was established in 1928.
But nobody wanted to lessen the significance of Ramadan in the Detroit suburb widely known as the capital of Arab-America.
The moonlight practice is tailored for Adnan Restum and fellow Muslim teammates.
Thanks, Woody. I think...... I seriously thought you were fucking with me when you told me about this at work.
Blogroll
Okay, check this shit out.
I'm re-doing my blogroll. Some of you motherfuckers have been slacking and Woody has noticed. I don't want to piss Woody off. He's big, a Marine (no such thing as an ex-Marine) and knows where I live.
So here's the deal: I did my humor blogs the same way I did my political blogs - every time you post, your site moves to the top of the list. If you're at the bottom for more than a month, you're outta here.
Can't be pissing Woody off, ya know.
I'm re-doing my blogroll. Some of you motherfuckers have been slacking and Woody has noticed. I don't want to piss Woody off. He's big, a Marine (no such thing as an ex-Marine) and knows where I live.
So here's the deal: I did my humor blogs the same way I did my political blogs - every time you post, your site moves to the top of the list. If you're at the bottom for more than a month, you're outta here.
Can't be pissing Woody off, ya know.
Don't get stupid
Okay, I haven't had a chew or nicotine of any sort for almost 24 hours.
Any of you motherfuckers got anything to say about that? Huh?
Any of you motherfuckers got anything to say about that? Huh?
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