Let's go back about 10-12 years.
I was unhappily married, had 2 dogs - Punkindog, Hillary Clinton (what else are you gonna name a fat li'l yella haired bitch?) a pair of Evil Cats and a cockatiel whose entire vocabulary consisted of "SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!"
Yeah. Life was real good.
So I'm sitting in my chair rolling up a fattie when Hillary goes trotting past looking real guilty.
"Godammit, Hill! How many times have I told you about that?" I holler as I bounce a 41 magnum round off her side.
She rolls over looking sufficiently guilty until my old lady comes in, then she runs over to her hoping for some loving, which N gives her.
"Don't let her kiss you, you know she's a CSED" I warned.
N is holding the Hill, letting her lick her face all over. "Oh, yes she is! She's a CSED, huh? And what a cute little CSED she is! I loves my little CSED! Yes I do!!!"
Fuck it. I warned her.
"Was Kenny mean to the CSED? Huh?" Hillary was loving all the attention, licking N on the lips, ears, and doing the most irritating thing in the world, sticking that fucking terrier tongue up her nose. I hated it when she did that to me.
Then she asks (finally) "What's a CSED?"
I licked the glue on the rolling paper and sealed the joint, popped in my my mouth and lit it, took a real deep toke and replied:
"A Cat Shit Eatin' Dog."
Monday, October 18, 2010
Coyote Facts
Today we're gonna talk about what coyotes eat.
Everything. The motherfuckers eat everything. Not only that but they eat as much of it as they can. They eat meat, grasses, fruits, nuts, insects and reptiles. They also indulge in the occasional cat or small dog, especially urban and suburban coyotes. I'm covering town coyotes in a later post.
The main source of meat (at least out west) is ground squirrels, sage grouse, cottontail rabbits and jackrabbits. Carrion account for less than 10% of the stomach contents that were checked. Livestock, contrary to ranchers' claims, was almost undetectable. But then again, I don't know when the study took place. If it was any other season besides lambing, kid and calving season, I could believe that. However, there is a large amount of newborn and young stock lost due to coyote (and probably feral dog) predation during the spring. Ask any sheepman. Tracks don't lie, although it can be hard to tell a dog track from a coyote track at times, especially during a dry or very wet season.
Deer fawns are also in danger of becoming coyote kibble during the spring. A California DFG Ranger that I talked with a month or so ago said that he figures that 1 in 10 fawns are killed by coyotes and approximately 40% are killed by mountain lions - keep that last one in mind when you're using a fawn bleat to call in coyotes up in the mountains this spring. Watch your fucking back.
Examinations of coyote shit by me turn up feces composed of thickly wadded hair and what I originally thought were undigested reddish berries but now think are pine nuts which means they also eat small pine cones. Like I said, they eat anything.
And as a side note, most of the coyote crap I've found have been at a crossing of game trails or roads that they've traveled on. Maybe it's coyote grafitti? A territory marker? Letting his bros know he was passing through?
Okay. My sources are "The World of the Coyote" by Wayne Grady,
"God's Dog" by Hope Ryden,
California Department of Fish and Game,
And observations by myself.
No shit?
U.S. intelligence officials have long believed that bin Laden is living in the remote tribal region of northwest Pakistan. But at times, the government has also claimed that the al-Qaida leader has had to move frequently from one safehouse to another, impairing his ability to plot attacks.
The NATO official's comments undermine that claim, Michael Scheuer, a former special adviser to the chief of the CIA's bin Laden unit, told The Upshot. "It exposes the lie that Bush and Obama have been telling us since 9/11, that he was running from rock to rock and cave to cave," Scheuer said.
Did anybody believe that he was actually hiding? He's a muslim. They're muslims. What's their famous saying?
"The enemy of my enemy is my friend."
Yeah, that one.
Keep overflying Pakistan with drones, keep dropping missiles in there and making life unpredictable for them. Even if the Pakistanis don't get serious about giving him up, it'll damn sure let them know we haven't forgotten nor have we forgave.
Fuck you, you arrogant piece of shit.
WEST NEWTON, Mass. – President Barack Obama said Americans’ “fear and frustration” is to blame for an intense midterm election cycle that threatens to derail the Democratic agenda.
“Part of the reason that our politics seems so tough right now and facts and science and argument does not seem to be winning the day all the time is because we’re hardwired not to always think clearly when we’re scared,” Obama said Saturday evening in remarks at a small Democratic fundraiser Saturday evening. “And the country’s scared.”
Obama told the several dozen donors that he was offering them his “view from the Oval Office.” He faulted the economic downturn for Americans’ inability to “think clearly” and said the burden is on Democrats “to break through the fear and the frustration people are feeling.”
“Part of the reason that our politics seems so tough right now and facts and science and argument does not seem to be winning the day all the time is because we’re hardwired not to always think clearly when we’re scared,” Obama said Saturday evening in remarks at a small Democratic fundraiser Saturday evening. “And the country’s scared.”
Obama told the several dozen donors that he was offering them his “view from the Oval Office.” He faulted the economic downturn for Americans’ inability to “think clearly” and said the burden is on Democrats “to break through the fear and the frustration people are feeling.”
I have voted
Now it's your turn.
Study (or at least read) the fucking issues, make an informed decision, and mail in your ballot.
If voting in person, use the sample ballot they send you or make notes and take them to the polling place with you to jog your memory once you finally get into a booth.
Vote. It's not only your right but it's also your obligation.
Study (or at least read) the fucking issues, make an informed decision, and mail in your ballot.
If voting in person, use the sample ballot they send you or make notes and take them to the polling place with you to jog your memory once you finally get into a booth.
Vote. It's not only your right but it's also your obligation.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
First Butts
Left to right - Princess Letizia of Spain, French first lady Carla Bruni and, yep, you guessed it.
Thanks to Deb from http://www.debbiedoesdrivel.com/
Bacon. Mmmmm, bacon.....
Click photo to enlarge.
We can thank LC Aggie Sith for this one.
http://www.hookersandbooze.com/
Here's the comment left at my bacon mug post:
Oh yeah? I'll see your mug, and raise you a roll:
http://foodproof.com/photos/full/bacon-cheese-roll-1290
Swooning yet?? ;)
Porcelain pigs offend Muslims
LEICESTER -- Police here in central England seized a collection of porcelain pigs from a house's window sill after Muslims complained that they were offensive.
"I just couldn't believe it, I didn't know whether to laugh or cry," Mrs Nancy Bennett, the owner of the 17 miniature pigs, told the Sun tabloid newspaper.
The porcelain figures were held at the local police station, while Mrs Bennett was threatened with prosecution if she replaces the collection. Her house is located in the same street as the city's main mosque, meaning that Muslim worshippers often passed by her front window where the pig figurines were on display. "Muslims find pigs highly offensive," explained police officer David Griffiths. "That is why the complaints were made".
http://www.dispatch.co.za/1998/05/26/foreign/PIG.HTM
"I just couldn't believe it, I didn't know whether to laugh or cry," Mrs Nancy Bennett, the owner of the 17 miniature pigs, told the Sun tabloid newspaper.
The porcelain figures were held at the local police station, while Mrs Bennett was threatened with prosecution if she replaces the collection. Her house is located in the same street as the city's main mosque, meaning that Muslim worshippers often passed by her front window where the pig figurines were on display. "Muslims find pigs highly offensive," explained police officer David Griffiths. "That is why the complaints were made".
http://www.dispatch.co.za/1998/05/26/foreign/PIG.HTM
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Bacon. Mmmmm, bacon.....
Okay, this bacon mug (how fucking cool is that?) looks like it's filled up with cheese. FILLED WITH MOTHERFUCKING CHEESE!!!!!!!
Excuse me, I have to go beat off now.
Well, she IS above the law, you know.
First lady Michelle Obama appears to have violated Illinois law -- when she engaged in political discussion at a polling place!
The drama began after Mrs. Obama stopped off at the Martin Luther King Center on the south side of Chicago to cast an early vote.
After finishing at the machine, Obama went back to the desk and handed in her voting key.
She let voters including electrician Dennis Campbell, 56, take some photos.
"She was telling me how important it was to vote to keep her husband's agenda going," Campbell said.
According to a pool reporter from the CHICAGO SUN-TIMES at the scene, the conversation took place INSIDE the voting center, not far from the booths.
Illinois state law -- Sec. 17-29 (a) -- states: "No judge of election, pollwatcher, or other person shall, at any primary or election, do any electioneering or soliciting of votes or engage in any political discussion within any polling place [or] within 100 feet of any polling place."
A top Ilinois State Board of Elections official tells the DRUDGE REPORT that Mrs. Obama -- a Harvard-educated lawyer -- may have simply been ignorant of the law and thus violated it unintentionally.
"You kind of have to drop the standard for the first lady, right?" the official explained late Thursday. "I mean, she's pretty well liked and probably doesn't know what she's doing."
WHITE HOUSE DEFENDS ELECTIONEERING
When questioned about the brazen nature of Mrs. Obama's campaigning, press secretary Robert Gibbs defended the action.
"I don't think it would be much to imagine, the First Lady might support her husband's agenda," Gibbs smiled.
Stolen from the Drudge Report
The drama began after Mrs. Obama stopped off at the Martin Luther King Center on the south side of Chicago to cast an early vote.
After finishing at the machine, Obama went back to the desk and handed in her voting key.
She let voters including electrician Dennis Campbell, 56, take some photos.
"She was telling me how important it was to vote to keep her husband's agenda going," Campbell said.
According to a pool reporter from the CHICAGO SUN-TIMES at the scene, the conversation took place INSIDE the voting center, not far from the booths.
Illinois state law -- Sec. 17-29 (a) -- states: "No judge of election, pollwatcher, or other person shall, at any primary or election, do any electioneering or soliciting of votes or engage in any political discussion within any polling place [or] within 100 feet of any polling place."
A top Ilinois State Board of Elections official tells the DRUDGE REPORT that Mrs. Obama -- a Harvard-educated lawyer -- may have simply been ignorant of the law and thus violated it unintentionally.
"You kind of have to drop the standard for the first lady, right?" the official explained late Thursday. "I mean, she's pretty well liked and probably doesn't know what she's doing."
WHITE HOUSE DEFENDS ELECTIONEERING
When questioned about the brazen nature of Mrs. Obama's campaigning, press secretary Robert Gibbs defended the action.
"I don't think it would be much to imagine, the First Lady might support her husband's agenda," Gibbs smiled.
Stolen from the Drudge Report
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Woo-hoo, it must be a record!
It's been 2 weeks today since I've been to a funeral.
Goddamn, lately it seems like I spend more time in a fucking graveyard than I do at home. You know it's pretty fucking bad when a Funeral Home Representative sees you at a funeral and makes it a point to ask how you're doing this time.
My previous record was 3 funerals in 3 months (back in the bad ol' days when we were trying to kill ourselves off) but I believe I've broken that.
Granny Elsie - July 27th
Terri Sterner- September 20th
Grandpa Bud - September 30th
I've buried 3 in a little more than 2 months.
The difference being of course, these 3 folks all died of natural causes. Not a one of them was gunshot or killed in a car accident.
Fuck, I feel so goddamned old lately........
Goddamn, lately it seems like I spend more time in a fucking graveyard than I do at home. You know it's pretty fucking bad when a Funeral Home Representative sees you at a funeral and makes it a point to ask how you're doing this time.
My previous record was 3 funerals in 3 months (back in the bad ol' days when we were trying to kill ourselves off) but I believe I've broken that.
Granny Elsie - July 27th
Terri Sterner- September 20th
Grandpa Bud - September 30th
I've buried 3 in a little more than 2 months.
The difference being of course, these 3 folks all died of natural causes. Not a one of them was gunshot or killed in a car accident.
Fuck, I feel so goddamned old lately........
A joke from the archives
Two rednecks are out hunting, and as they're walking along they come upon a mineshaft in the ground. They approach it and are amazed by the size of it. The first hunter says "Wow, that's some hole. I can't even see the bottom. I wonder how deep it is?"
The second hunter says "I don't know, let's throw something down and listen and see how long it takes to hit bottom."
The first hunter says "There's this old transmission here, give me a hand and we'll throw it in and see."
So they pick it up and carry it over, and count one, and two and three, and heave it in the hole.
They are standing there listening and looking over the edge and they hear a rustling in the brush behind them. As they turn around they see a goat come crashing through the brush, run up to the hole with no hesitation, and jump in headfirst.
While they are standing there looking at each other, looking in the hole, and trying to figure out what that was all about, an old farmer walks up.
"Say there," says the farmer, "You fellers didn't happen to see my goat around here anywhere, did you?"
The first hunter says "Funny you should ask, but we were just standing here a minute ago and a goat came running out of the bushes doin' about a hunert miles an hour and jumped headfirst into this mineshaft here!"
And the old farmer said... "Why, that's impossible, I had him chained to a transmission!"
The second hunter says "I don't know, let's throw something down and listen and see how long it takes to hit bottom."
The first hunter says "There's this old transmission here, give me a hand and we'll throw it in and see."
So they pick it up and carry it over, and count one, and two and three, and heave it in the hole.
They are standing there listening and looking over the edge and they hear a rustling in the brush behind them. As they turn around they see a goat come crashing through the brush, run up to the hole with no hesitation, and jump in headfirst.
While they are standing there looking at each other, looking in the hole, and trying to figure out what that was all about, an old farmer walks up.
"Say there," says the farmer, "You fellers didn't happen to see my goat around here anywhere, did you?"
The first hunter says "Funny you should ask, but we were just standing here a minute ago and a goat came running out of the bushes doin' about a hunert miles an hour and jumped headfirst into this mineshaft here!"
And the old farmer said... "Why, that's impossible, I had him chained to a transmission!"
Warning about homemade bombs
Pass this on to everybody you know. Anybody that sees a plastic bottle in their yard would think nothing of picking it up to throw it away. Looks like these things are starting to pop up around the U.S.
Check the Snopes web site below, it's pretty scary.
All it takes is:
1. A plastic bottle with a cap (Like a normal water bottle).
2. A little Drano.
3. A little water.
4. A small piece of foil.
5. Disturb it by moving it; and BOOM (Less than 30 seconds)!!
6. No fingers left and other serious effects to your face, eyes, etc.
People are finding these bombs in mailboxes and in their yards, just waiting for someone to pick it up intending to put it in the trash. It takes about 30 seconds to blow after you move the thing.
See "SNOPES" below....it's true.
http://www.snopes.com/crime/warnings/bottlebomb.asp
SEE VIDEO ON SNOPES TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS TO THE BOTTLE, THIS WOULD HAPPEN TO YOU IF YOU TOUCHED IT..........
Thanks, Tom. I had heard of this before (although I haven't heard of it actually happening to anybody) and this one Okie boy I know as well as I know myself (hint, hint) put it to the test in a controlled manner a couple of weeks ago.
It ain't no shit. It works. Take my word for it. Don't try it yourself. I didn't publish the ratios for a reason.
Be careful when you pick shit up.
Check the Snopes web site below, it's pretty scary.
All it takes is:
1. A plastic bottle with a cap (Like a normal water bottle).
2. A little Drano.
3. A little water.
4. A small piece of foil.
5. Disturb it by moving it; and BOOM (Less than 30 seconds)!!
6. No fingers left and other serious effects to your face, eyes, etc.
People are finding these bombs in mailboxes and in their yards, just waiting for someone to pick it up intending to put it in the trash. It takes about 30 seconds to blow after you move the thing.
See "SNOPES" below....it's true.
http://www.snopes.com/crime/warnings/bottlebomb.asp
SEE VIDEO ON SNOPES TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS TO THE BOTTLE, THIS WOULD HAPPEN TO YOU IF YOU TOUCHED IT..........
Thanks, Tom. I had heard of this before (although I haven't heard of it actually happening to anybody) and this one Okie boy I know as well as I know myself (hint, hint) put it to the test in a controlled manner a couple of weeks ago.
It ain't no shit. It works. Take my word for it. Don't try it yourself. I didn't publish the ratios for a reason.
Be careful when you pick shit up.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
You could have heard a pin drop
An oldie but one well worth the reprint.
JFK'S Secretary of State, Dean Rusk, was in France in the early 60's when DeGaulle decided to pull out of NATO. DeGaulle said he wanted all US military out of France as soon as possible. Rusk responded:
"Does that include those who are buried here?"
DeGaulle did not respond.
You could have heard a pin drop.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A U.S. Navy Admiral was attending a naval conference that included Admirals from the U.S. , English, Canadian, Australian and French Navies. At a cocktail reception, he found himself standing with a large group of officers that included personnel from most of those countries. Everyone was chatting away in English as they sipped their drinks but a French admiral suddenly complained that, whereas Europeans learn many languages, Americans learn only English. He then asked, 'Why is it that we always have to speak English in these conferences rather than speaking French?'
Without hesitating, the American Admiral replied,
'Maybe it's because the Brit's, Canadians, Aussie's and Americans arranged it so you wouldn't have to speak German.'
You could have heard a pin drop.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Robert Whiting, an elderly gentleman of 83, arrived in Paris by plane. At French Customs, he took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry on.
"You have been to France before, monsieur?" the customs officer asked sarcastically.
Mr. Whiting admitted that he had been to France previously.
"Then you should know enough to have your passport ready."
The American said, "The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."
"Impossible. Americans always have to show your passports on arrival in France!"
The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he quietly explained,
''Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day in 1944 to help liberate this country, I couldn't find a single Frenchmen to show a passport to."
You could have heard a pin drop.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a conference in France where a number of international engineers were taking part, including French and American. During a break, one of the French engineers came back into the room saying 'Have you heard the latest dumb stunt Bush has done? He has sent an aircraft carrier to Indonesia to help the tsunami victims. What does he intended to do, bomb them?'
A Boeing engineer stood up and replied quietly:
'Our carriers have three hospitals on board that can treat several hundred people; they are nuclear powered and can supply emergency electrical power to shore facilities; they have three cafeterias with the capacity to feed 3,000 people three meals a day, they can produce several thousand gallons of fresh water from sea water each day, and they carry half a dozen helicopters for use in transporting victims and injured to and from their flight deck. We have eleven such ships; how many does France have?'
You could have heard a pin drop.
-Stevienatt
JFK'S Secretary of State, Dean Rusk, was in France in the early 60's when DeGaulle decided to pull out of NATO. DeGaulle said he wanted all US military out of France as soon as possible. Rusk responded:
"Does that include those who are buried here?"
DeGaulle did not respond.
You could have heard a pin drop.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A U.S. Navy Admiral was attending a naval conference that included Admirals from the U.S. , English, Canadian, Australian and French Navies. At a cocktail reception, he found himself standing with a large group of officers that included personnel from most of those countries. Everyone was chatting away in English as they sipped their drinks but a French admiral suddenly complained that, whereas Europeans learn many languages, Americans learn only English. He then asked, 'Why is it that we always have to speak English in these conferences rather than speaking French?'
Without hesitating, the American Admiral replied,
'Maybe it's because the Brit's, Canadians, Aussie's and Americans arranged it so you wouldn't have to speak German.'
You could have heard a pin drop.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Robert Whiting, an elderly gentleman of 83, arrived in Paris by plane. At French Customs, he took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry on.
"You have been to France before, monsieur?" the customs officer asked sarcastically.
Mr. Whiting admitted that he had been to France previously.
"Then you should know enough to have your passport ready."
The American said, "The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."
"Impossible. Americans always have to show your passports on arrival in France!"
The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he quietly explained,
''Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day in 1944 to help liberate this country, I couldn't find a single Frenchmen to show a passport to."
You could have heard a pin drop.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a conference in France where a number of international engineers were taking part, including French and American. During a break, one of the French engineers came back into the room saying 'Have you heard the latest dumb stunt Bush has done? He has sent an aircraft carrier to Indonesia to help the tsunami victims. What does he intended to do, bomb them?'
A Boeing engineer stood up and replied quietly:
'Our carriers have three hospitals on board that can treat several hundred people; they are nuclear powered and can supply emergency electrical power to shore facilities; they have three cafeterias with the capacity to feed 3,000 people three meals a day, they can produce several thousand gallons of fresh water from sea water each day, and they carry half a dozen helicopters for use in transporting victims and injured to and from their flight deck. We have eleven such ships; how many does France have?'
You could have heard a pin drop.
-Stevienatt
Fucked myself again
I've been off work for the past 2 weeks due to my Grandpa Bud finally up and dying on us and a scheduled vacation and one of the things that I promised myself was that I wouldn't turn it into a 2 week drunk. I compromised - I only drank every other day and only a couple of times to excess.
Today was my first day back to work.......
So I get off work tonight and I'm thinking "Okay, you had a pretty good day today. Shit got out of hand for a minute but you handled it, didn't have to go crying to nobody for help. It was a good day. You do NOT need to drink tonight. You woke up clear-headed this morning and enjoyed it. Think of the money you'll save. You can do this. One day at a time, fucker."
Then I popped in that Merle Haggard cd. That was a fucking mistake.
Been home an hour and I'm on my 4th beer.
Today was my first day back to work.......
So I get off work tonight and I'm thinking "Okay, you had a pretty good day today. Shit got out of hand for a minute but you handled it, didn't have to go crying to nobody for help. It was a good day. You do NOT need to drink tonight. You woke up clear-headed this morning and enjoyed it. Think of the money you'll save. You can do this. One day at a time, fucker."
Then I popped in that Merle Haggard cd. That was a fucking mistake.
Been home an hour and I'm on my 4th beer.
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