Monday, April 25, 2011

CharlieGodammit, the Ambassador of 5 Points

I did a shitload of running today and was just about wore out, so I kicked back in my BassPro Camouflage Easy Chair for a nap. Just about the time I was hitting a good nod, CharlieGodammit came running in the back door with Tug in his mouth and dropped it in my lap, ready for a rowdy game.
Tug is 2 feet of 1" hemp rope tied in a figure 8 in case you're wondering. You can guess why it's called Tug.
Anyways, I got up and went out and let CGD yank me all over the backyard for a while until he loosened his grip to get a better purchase, then I snatched it away and teased him with it, making him run in circles, laughing at him and calling him a pussy.
Yeah, it was funny until he got tired of that shit and bit me on the ass, the motherfucker.

A little while later, he brings me his leash. The motherfucker loves to go for a walk around the block especially during the warm months - not for the weather, he doesn't give a shit if it's raining or what, but because in the summer all the kids are playing in their front yards and he gets pettin's from each and every one of them.
I swear to God, it takes me a half hour to walk him around the block because he's got to stop and get attention from all of them. They all know his name and come running over when they see him.
What's cool is that when he sees one, he doesn't yank my arm off, he just stops and sits until they come to him. And what's funny is that he won't allow an adult to come near a kid as long as they're with him. Seriously. I've had parents approach and he'll snarl until I stop them, then turn back to the kid and start washing their little faces again. Yet, let the parents approach without the kid and he's perfectly fine with them.
The little boy next street over has gone from "DOG! DOG!" when he sees us to "CHAWIEGODAMMIT" in just the past month or so. It's so fucking cute.....


Deb said...

CGD is the MAN! Well..the DOG!

Funny how one dog can keep things in check in his world but a human can screw up the whole county.

CGD for Pres!

dhanna59 said...

Don't think CGD is that unique in his human relations. My 75 lb Bone Crushing BeastlyBeagle is exactly the same way. In the house I roughhouse with my girls and he immediately goes into "tear that fukker into pieces" mode. Stop, and he goes back into sweet puppy-dog mode. I think he's biding his time 'till the opportunity to rip my throat comes along. Dogs are wolves, jusy wormed and vaccinated.

Mulligan said...

had a house across the street from the school and not having a fenced yard sorta guaranteed regular traffic from the 3 ft and under crowd. One day I sat 'em all down and taught 'em the dog-rules: commands, if you kick him he gets to bite you, don't tease him etc etc.
Few days later there's a a ruckus and I go around the corner of the garage to find a 7ft lumberjack in the yard with my dog hanging from his beard.

Howdy, who're you?

I live down the street ... come to get my kids outta your yard...(points to the dog making rumbling noises 3 inches from his throat) whats with this?

Oh you're a stranger. He's makin sure you don't hurt 'his' kids. Bear, drop him (not entirely accurate but thats the command that unlocks his jaw).

Say now, thats a good dog! Send them kids home ifn they're in your way.

Sure thing.

wirecutter said...

CDG is the friendliest dog in the world. Unless you're over 5 foot tall, in his yard, on his sidewalk or touching his door. Then he's your worst nightmare. He's left his blood and dents on the inside of the security door trying to get at those pesky Mormons.

Bear, DROP him?
That's fucking great......

wirecutter said...

Derek, you have a 75 pound (75 POUNDS?) beagle????
What the fuck do you feed him, a straight diet of bacon grease and hookers?

YOLO said...

"I snatched it away and teased him with it, making him run in circles, laughing at him and calling him a pussy." Oh kenny, you are too funny! you deserve that bite on the ass.

Mulligan said...

He'll spit stuff out if you yell OWDAMMIT loud enough too, but that's not an official command. that's just something he picked up cuz I'm too stupid to keep my fingers on my end of his tug-rope

dhanna59 said...

Yea Kenny,
75 lbs of 100% Beagle. No mutt. There are two sizes of them, large and small of course. Patch being of the LARGE variety! A little fat marbelling behind his shoulders, but this fukker is an athlete. I got a chain link fenced yard so critters come on in. I have watched him STALK rabbits and sqirrels out my back window, taking hours of time to do it. He goes so motionless he becomes invisible to them, then SNATCH, I GOT YO ASS! Disembowelling then proceeds. Then the eating of said prize. The nasty bits are left for the bugs. I let him out every evening in the suburban neighborhood on his own and he is always back in yard within an hour. The neighbor kids love him and he is quite the celebrity (except for being a Beagle on steroids)!

dhanna59 said...

Just checkin' in on you, see how you doin' sweet thang?