Mexican Navy Seal

-Yolo

God Bless John Moses Browning

-Yolo

What a fucking idiot

Arfur (from Wales) tipped me off to this and nkrey sent me the video.
Both of their comments are below the clip.



Hi Ken
Barry O'Barma managed a huge fuck up at the function tonight. He
continued with his speech whilst the national anthem was being played.
A huge fuck up!
BTW the presidents wife has a huge fing arse and I dont mean her husband!
-Arfur

He seems to have really messed this up.. first you never touch your glass until the Queen does, then he talks over their national anthem. No wonder the Queen dislikes him so much. I heard one person say " it was not his fault the band started too early." Enjoy
-nkrey

*****

What a stupid motherfucker.
He seems to fuck shit up every time he sets foot in England. Maybe they should lock his dumb ass up in the Tower of London. They'd be doing us all a favor.
I can't believe this.
But I did notice how Her Majesty set his fucking ghetto ass straight.....

You got yourself into that mess......

A hunters' breakfast

-JG

Jesus, Lady......

Ooooooh......

Groan.......

Big party at my house this weekend, gonna invite a bunch of legless women.
The place is gonna be crawlin' with pussy.......

Wayne "The Train" Hancock

You ain't gonna hear this outlaw shit on the radio.
This is what's on my CD player.
Fuck that Pop country bullshit.

Thunderstorms and Neon Signs


Cold Lonesome Wind


It's true, I am Sraight Up White Trash.

Sweet dreams, Mommy.

Now what, ya stupid fucker?

CAMEL TOE!!!!!!!

A great big one, too!

Hmmmmm......

Since I made my post a few months ago about the government getting software to create alias email addresses, I haven't gotten a single hit from a .us, .gov or Washington DC ISP address.
Imagine that.
Fuck Obama.

It was a shocking experience

Well, regular readers know that I had been afraid of the assholes across the street trying to poison CharlieGodammit and I was looking for ways to break him from eating anything and everything he could catch or run down.
Some of y'all sent in some great ideas but the one I finally settled on was aversion therapy - in other words, a fucking shock collar. Or for you PETAphiles that might be reading this, a training collar.
I stopped off down at the BassPro a couple of weeks ago to see what they had and what I had was a fucking seizure. Them things ran from $99 to about $400, depending on the make, model and range. And naturally the cheaper ones had the flimsy collars and only 1 setting and besides, they were out of them. So I asked the help if there were any dogmen on staff and this young fella that came over was a world of help. He ran some hard-headed Catahoulas and knew just what I needed.
Anyways, after an hour of talking hounds and coyotes and pigs and bear, I finally broke into my grocery money and bought the $169 model and cashed in half my BassPro reward points to knock off 30 bucks which might give you folks that shop BassPro an idea of just how much fucking money I spend there.
I was going to be on beans and Top Ramen for the next week, but.......

I get the motherfucker home and put it on the charger for the required 24 hours while I read the instructions. There are 8 setting and 3 buttons on it - one button delivers a pulse that lasts 5/100 of a second, one is continuous for up to 8 seconds and the last is just a tone.
The instructions say to start at the lowest level and hit the pulse button to check for a reaction. If there isn't one, keep going up in levels until you get a hint of a reaction, and that's the setting you want to keep it at.
I started at level 1. Nothing. 2, nothing. 3,4,5,6,7, nothing. Level 8 and the motherfucker yawned at me, not quite the reaction I was looking for, you know? Maybe his hair was too thick...... so I got the clippers out and shaved it down to bare skin and put the collar back on and tried it again.
FINALLY, at level 8, his skin twitched like a horse shucking a fly.
Fuck, this ain't gonna work. Oh well, maybe if I hit him 4 or 5 times real quick, he'll get the idea.
I left the collar on him the rest of the day so he wouldn't connect it with any sensation.
The next morning I got some felony gloves (latex gloves for you regular folks) and tossed some cheese in the backyard when he was trying to get into the catbox, then started rough-housing with him. When he was good and rambunctious, I let him out and watched from an open window.
He saw that cheese and jammed it. As soon as he touched it, I hit the remote. Only my thumb didn't get off of it as quick as I thought it would. And I hit the continuous button instead of the pulse.
It knocked that motherfucker on his ass, yelping.
Holy shit, maybe I should crank it down a couple of notches.
But before I could, he was up and after the cheese, so I hammered him again with the same reaction.
Then he got pissed and started snarling and tried to attack the innocent cheese, so I hit him again.
Okay, we've all heard the expression "Getting the shit shocked out of you", right?
Literally. When I hit him the 3rd time, he popped a turd about 4 feet out of his ass. Then he turned and ran right into the back door so hard I thought he was going to come through it.
I felt bad. Real bad. So when I finally quit rolling on the floor laughing, I let him in. He ran right to his rug and laid there curled up in a little ball.
I tried offering him some cheese to calm him down but he wouldn't take it for some reason.
After his eyes uncrossed an hour or so later, I tried dragging him out back, but he wasn't going for it. For the rest of the evening when he wanted to go piss, he wanted out front.
I didn't fuck with him for a day or two, even though I put the collar on every day. I didn't want him to associate the collar with the shock, I wanted him to think it was the food doing it.
A couple of days later I tried hamburger, with the collar on 4. He got the hint. The we did bologna, sausage, steak and finally hamburger.
The last couple of times I've done it, he wouldn't go near the food, just walked wide motherfucking circles around it. He wants it, but is afraid of it.
I always put gloves on so the bait wouldn't have my scent and I never let him see me or hear me when I zapped him. He'll eat the same stuff inside if I hand it to him, but if it's outside? No fucking way. Which is exactly what I wanted.
I still put the collar on him every once in a while, but I do believe he's broke from eating shit in the yard. Last night when he was napping, I scattered several different thing around the yard and threw him (without the collar) out there for the day when I was out doing my running around and when I got home it was all still there.
And I've taken a few more measures that were suggested, like not feeding him at all in the yard, same dish, all that other good shit.
Now hopefully I can Ebay that collar next month and make some of my money back. I'm getting tired of beans.

Home Sweet Home

Mother of the Year

The tech manual "Understanding Women"

-Jim

Had to get this out of my system

Why in the fuck do people I see maybe every couple of years (unless there's a shitload of funerals in a row) or NEVER see think I'm interested in their lives? I have enough problems with my own shit, I don't want or need to hear about your fucking life
Take my cousin for instance. She recently got a job as a long haul truck driver - remember when female drivers were a novelty? - and every time I turn on my fucking computer there's a new one-line message from her.
"I'm in Iowa and yuck!"
"Kansas is so flat and boring."
"Maryland....... rude people."
"South Carolina is so humid."
"Can't wait to get out of Texas!"
"I haven't showered in 2 days."

Now I know you're a proud graduate of whatever trucking school you came close to flunking out of and you want to impress people with the fact that you actually crossed the state line but you know what? I could really give a flying fuck where you're at as long as your ass ain't planted on my couch eating my fucking food. And if you don't like traveling, FIND ANOTHER JOB!
But when and if you do, I don't want to hear about it every godammed day. You can tell me at the next funeral.
In the meantime get a twitter account so you can have people that really are interested follow your every fucking move, bitch and complaint.
Oh yeah, take that shower before you start marinating in your own juices.

And yes, I blocked your email address today, but I had to vent.

Attention all muslim readers

Every time I go to sitemeter and see a visitor from the mid-east, I check your page views and without exception they are in the Camel Toe catagory.
Will you PLEASE quit using my blog for beat-off material?
It makes me feel so....... dirty and used.
Fuck Mohammed.

Don't ask if you don't wanna know

I think the reporter bit off way more than she could chew when she asked Gene Simmons his opinion on the Obamessiahs' stupid fucking proposal.
Listen and laugh.

Rampage in Detroit

In the wake of bin ladens' death, muslims have gone on a rampage in Detroit, killing anybody that's Caucasian.
Authorities fear the death toll could rise as high as 2.

Texas Fred

Oh well......

So much for hunting today.
I had planned on grabbing a hot shower and a quick meal, then heading back out for another coyote this morning but I figured "Why go back out at midnight to be ready to shoot at dawn when it's less than a 50 mile drive?"
And seeing as I was seriously tired, I set my alarm for 3 AM and laid down for a couple three hours, only to wake up at 7 this morning.
I had set the alarm for 3 PM instead.
Funny how you can wake up cussing before you really even know why you're pissed, huh?

Save The Date

-Orbitup

CharlieGodammit

Every evening CGD finds and brings me his leash so he can take me for a walk and visit with all the neighborhood kids. If I ignore him, he starts slinging that sucker around, banging the hasp on the furniture and my forehead. I've tried hiding it from him and sometimes I'm successful, but then he sits at the fucking door, 6 inches away from it and starts howling.
He's actually pretty good on a leash, although I never could get him to heel. He's got to be ahead of me. There's slack in the leash, but he's in front. Maybe he's protecting me, maybe he's still trying to dominate me a little bit, I don't know.
The one thing I insist on is for him to sit when either I stop or give him the command to stop. I want his ass on the ground and not fighting me in case I need both hands for something. And he's good about that, too - as long as he's leashed.
But tonight when I got in he did something that absolutely amazed the fuck out of me. He was patrolling his perimeter and I was watching from the back door 50 feet away munching on a pickle and for some reason I said "Stop". Not only did he immediately stop, but he sat and stayed until I gave him his release word.
Man, I couldn't believe it, so I did it over and over again until he got tired of it and came in the house.
I do believe the motherfucker is finally settling down. He's come a long way in the past year, from being feral to responding to voice commands and hand signals.
Now if he'll just stop burying his nose in the crotch of female company.......

I don't know, Doc. I just feel like I don't fit in.....

Back for the evening

Damn, I finally killed a coyote, putting an end (I hope it's the end and not just a break) to a long fucking slump. Ruined the hide, though - my bullet hit a rib on the way out and left a hole I could put my foot through. My fault, I grabbed a box of hollow points instead of the V-Max I meant to take. What can I say, it was early and I was in a hurry.

And while I was checking my blog, I saw another video of Rusty, the sleepy dog, that shows what really happened to him. I edited to original post to include Part 2 down below it.
It's every bit as funny as the first one, if not more.

So, after a shower and a hot meal I'm thinking of heading back to the same area (with the right ammo) and try to pick up another coyote.

Nap time Parts 1 & 2

Fucking hilarious!



And now, what really happened to Rusty:

CharlieGodammit

CharlieGodammit has a new thrill that while it pisses me off, I'm resigned to it.
Okay. While I'm in the shower, I leave my back door open. I know I'm vulnerable when I'm bathing and the water's running and I can't hear shit (shades of "Psycho" all over again) and I count on my wolfdog to protect me, but that motherfucker has also shit in the house when I couldn't hear him woof to let him out, so I leave the door open so he can let himself out, but still protect me when I'm nekkid and soaping up my nasty parts over and over again.
But the last few days, I can hear him thundering from the door into the bedroom where he leaps onto the bed and skids to a stop again and again and again.
By the time I get out, that 100+ pound motherfucker has wrecked my bed. I mean, my mattress is on the floor, the bedding is tangled, pillows are scattered and that sumbitch is sitting on top of the wreckage grinning at me saying "Hey, let's go for a walk, fucker."
I hate that damned dog sometimes.

Irish Fire Fighter

Paddy was walking along the street during his once-in-a-lifetime visit to New York when he rounds a corner and there's a high rise building on fire.
Paddy, ever the kind-hearted and resourceful Irishman, runs up to the building to see if he can help and notices people trapped five stories up.
Paddy yells to the people, "I'm Patrick Sean Michael Fitzpatrick, an Irish Fire Fighter on holiday. I'm also a Rugby Union fullback! If you jump, I'll catch you!"
One lady, in desperation, jumps and sure enough Paddy catches her.
Then a man sees that Paddy catches the woman and jumps. Sure enough, Paddy catches him as well.
Then a black man jumps out and crashes to the sidewalk. Paddy didn't even attempt to catch him.
Paddy looks up and yells, "Don't be throwin' the burnt ones...!!!!"

-Flamests

I'm outta here

I'm taking off for a couple of days tomorrow - got a lot of shit on my mind, going stir crazy here in the flatlands, craving some alone time and need to kill something soft and fuzzy.
I can't afford it but I figure a tank or two of gas will be worth the peace of mind.
I've made a few pre-posts to keep y'all entertained but if the Obamessiah surrenders to Syria or something like that and I don't post about it, you'll know why.
Be back Saturday evening or Sunday morning.
Take care.

Damn, I barely missed it.

I idling through the store parking lot today when a fucking Smart Car pulled right out in front of me, so I accelerated.
Stupid motherfucker.
I'll ram a Smart Car faster than I'll run over a poodle and enjoy it more.

How to tell if there's a Lady Of The House

There’s pictures on the wall instead of barbed wire displays.

No cobwebs in the ceiling corners.

There’s no dead fish floating in the fish tank with the assumption the live ones will eat them.

There’s more food than beer in the icebox.

There’s no black powder guns in the dishwasher. And yes, you WILL own a dishwasher.

Towels and socks are folded even though who gives a fuck if they’re wrinkled or not.

Dinner is eaten at the table instead of over the sink or trash can.

Dirty clothes are in the hamper instead of on top of it.

Dogs get table scraps after you eat, not while you eat.

The refreshing aroma of Hoppes #9 is replaced by Glade.

There are no disassembled firearms on the table for any length of time.

The Christmas Bush is decorated with bulbs and shit, not bass lures.

The welcome mat says Welcome instead of Come Back With A Warrant.

There’s a little towel in the bathroom that you’re not allowed to use.

You own more than 2 pairs of Wranglers.

There are no animal hides awaiting tanning in the freezer next to the frozen food.

You have vegetables with your meat.

You have one little closet while she stores all of her shit in the spare bedroom.

You own a hair dryer.

There’s all kinds of weird shit in the bathroom that you don‘t want to know what it‘s for.

Reloading at the dining room table is a no-no.

Skinning poles and gambrels are out of sight of the kitchen window.

Dogs are not allowed on the furniture.

You have dinner guests - her friends, not yours.

You have to look guilty and say excuse me after farting.

Laundry is sorted before washing, not after drying.

She tries to feed you cheese and fruit and crackers for dinner.

Fish and small game are cleaned outside, not in the kitchen sink.

You have to wash your face after the dog kisses you on the off chance he licked his ass first.

Dinner must be planned instead of eating what’s available.

No live catfish in the bathtub awaiting cleaning after you get some sleep.

Laundry must be dried the same day it’s washed.

You have to answer your phone with Hello instead of Who the fuck is this.

You have to answer your phone. Always.

You suddenly own a cat and you‘re not allowed to kick it.

Your plants and lawn are green.

The carpet gets vacuumed whether the dogs are shedding or not.

No camouflaged furniture allowed.

Obama pushes for restoration of 1967 borders

WASHINGTON – Exasperated by stalled Middle East peace talks in a season of tumultuous change, President Barack Obama jolted close ally Israel Thursday by embracing the Palestinians' terms for drawing the borders of their new nation next door. Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu of Israel rejected the idea as "indefensible" on the eve of his vital White House meeting with Obama.
The U.S. president said that an independent Palestine should be based on 1967 borders — before the Six Day War in which Israel occupied East Jerusalem, the West Bank and Gaza — as adjusted by possible land swaps agreed upon by both sides. He said Israel can never live in true peace as a Jewish state if it insists on "permanent occupation."

*****

Alienating and pissing off our strongest allies seem to be Wingnuts' greatest strengths.
We, as a Nation and as a people, have always supported Israel and its' struggle to survive in the face of overwhelming odds and now our supposed leader has stabbed her in the back.
Restoring the 1967 borders will not only force them to return one of the Jews' holiest sites (The Wailing Wall) but will also cause them to surrender the Golan Heights back to Syria, a nation bent on the destruction of Israel.
On the surface, it appears that the Obamessiah thinks that by giving back these lands will bring peace to the region, but in fact what it will do is cause the destruction of Israel. The koran commands all muslims to kill Jews and Christians wherever they meet them and giving up the Golan Heights will only make this shit easier for them.
It has become obvious to anybody that has even a slight understanding of what is at stake here that Obama will not be satisfied until Israel is obliterated from the face of the earth and the Holy Land is returned to and divided up amongst his muslim brothers.

To our Jewish and Christian Brothers and Sisters in Israel:
Please know that even though our current regime has turned their backs on you, we as a people have not. Stay strong and keep your faith in your leaders and military. You will prevail.

The picture was stolen from Bare Naked islam

Too bad it wasn't a live newscast

Andrew Klaven on The bin laden Effect

Honor, Service, Integrity

He's walking to the car parts store with his weapon legally openly carried and a voice recorder on when the Philadelphia police spot him and jack his ass up.
He's respectful and cooperative but listen to the first 7 or 8 minutes of the video. After several minutes of the bullshit, he's eventually released, but you know it was L-O-N-G minutes to him.
What's ironic is Philly PDs slogan - Honor, Sevice, Integrity.
This highlights the problem with many police officers' attitudes these days - you're either a victim or a criminal, there's no such thing as a normal citizen.



For the full story and an excellent post, go here.