Tuesday, December 27, 2011
It's amazing what a change in hair will do, huh?
What's her name, anyway? And what did she play in? It's been driving me crazy.
From the comments
Comment on the post about Pelosi riding the Barack Baloney Pony:
Anonymous said...
YOU ARE SUCH A DICK!!!! WONT YOU MAKE THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE AND FUCK OFF AND KILL YOURSELF :)
Anonymous said...
Monday, December 26, 2011
Uh huh. Pelosi's's secretly banging Barack while Mooch-elle is rubbing pee-pees with the Secret Service.
News that President Barack Obama arrived in Hawaii this weekend to join his wife Michelle and daughters Malia and Sasha in time for a Christmas holiday has been covered by news media worldwide.
The first family and their friends have been enjoying a reclusive 17-day holiday vacation in beach front homes in Kailua, Oahu.
But another powerful politician is here for the holidays as well, albeit on another island and with less media attention.
Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi, D-CA, who served as Speaker of the House and is now head of the House minority, is once again spending her Christmas at the exotic Four Seasons Resort Hualalai at Historic Ka'upulehu in Kona on the island of Hawaii.
Pelosi reportedly plans to spend her Christmas Eve at midnight mass in St. Michael's Catholic Church in Kailua-Kona.
Sunday, December 25, 2011
Quote
“Arms discourage and keep the invader and plunderer in awe, and preserve order in the world as well as property... Horrid mischief would ensue were the law-abiding deprived of the use of them.”
― Thomas Paine
― Thomas Paine
That'll sure fuck up your whole day
Andrei Krivorukov got a wonderful Christmas gift today: his very own life. He saved it after a titanium ball from a Russian communication satellite crashed right into its house, escaping death by just a few feet.
The Russian satellite was a Meridian, which is used for civilian and military communications. It was destroyed when a Soyuz-2 rocket exploded in midair, just a few minutes after its launch from the Plesetsk Cosmodrome—a Russian spaceport, located 500 miles north of Moscow.
The catastrophe sent several pieces flying over Siberia, near the city of Tobolsk and as far as 62 miles from the city of Novosibirsk.
One of them was the 11-pound titanium ball that fell through Krivorukov's roof, landing right where he was minutes before. That was when he decided to go to his yard to grab some wood for his fireplace. Because, you know, it's bloody cold in Siberia. And you have to run out of your house from time to time to avoid random satellite pieces from crushing you into a pile of gunk.
He also got another gift: the town where he lives said they were going to pay for the repairs. I'm sure he's happy enough to save his neck.
- Gizmodo
The Russian satellite was a Meridian, which is used for civilian and military communications. It was destroyed when a Soyuz-2 rocket exploded in midair, just a few minutes after its launch from the Plesetsk Cosmodrome—a Russian spaceport, located 500 miles north of Moscow.
The catastrophe sent several pieces flying over Siberia, near the city of Tobolsk and as far as 62 miles from the city of Novosibirsk.
One of them was the 11-pound titanium ball that fell through Krivorukov's roof, landing right where he was minutes before. That was when he decided to go to his yard to grab some wood for his fireplace. Because, you know, it's bloody cold in Siberia. And you have to run out of your house from time to time to avoid random satellite pieces from crushing you into a pile of gunk.
He also got another gift: the town where he lives said they were going to pay for the repairs. I'm sure he's happy enough to save his neck.
- Gizmodo
At least one member has his shit together
The National Defense Authorization Act will be made law with the stroke of President Obama’s pen (perhaps autopen from Hawaii?). With the enactment of the NDAA, Americans suspected by the President of having committed a “belligerent act” may be apprehended by the military and detained without recitation of charges and without access to an attorney until such time as the President decides that the “War on Terror” is over.
Majorities in both chambers of Congress voted in favor of granting the President this autocratic authority. In the Senate, only 13 members of that body stood up to defend the constitutionally protected civil liberties of Americans. In the House of Representatives, 283 of the people’s representatives violated their oath of office and voted to pass this legislation.
Majorities in both chambers of Congress voted in favor of granting the President this autocratic authority. In the Senate, only 13 members of that body stood up to defend the constitutionally protected civil liberties of Americans. In the House of Representatives, 283 of the people’s representatives violated their oath of office and voted to pass this legislation.
One of those who was true to his vow to protect the Constituiton from all enemies, foreign and domestic, has now offered an amendment to the NDAA that would “clarify the language” of the measure so as to make it explicit that no American citizen could be detained under the provisions of that act without being provided the full panoply of due process protections.
Freshman Representative Jeff Landry (R-La., above) introduced HR 3676, which would add the following qualification to the portion of the bill — Section 1021 — that provides for indefinite detention of Americans:
United States citizens may not be detained against their will without all the rights of due process afforded to citizens in a court ordained or established by or under Article III of the Constitution of the United States.
In a statement released by his office, Representative Landry explained the impetus behind his proposed alterations:
The Founding Fathers granted Congress specific duties; and as a representative of the people, it is my duty to pass laws that protect the Constitutional rights of all American citizens. Toward this end, any statute that could possibly be interpreted to allow a President to detain American citizens without charge or trial is incredibly alarming and should be cautiously scrutinized.
This effort on the part of Congressman Landry is noble and he should be lauded for his commitment to the Constitution and its core civil liberties by which the God-given freedom of all Americans is protected from the frequent attempts at alienation made by the federal government.
- For the entire article go to The New American - John Birch Society
*****
And I thought I was the only one out of this bunch that read The New American.
Saturday, December 24, 2011
We don't have to tell you commoners why
The DOJ has rejected a Freedom of Information Act request from the New York Times that asked the agency to reveal the legal basis for the newly unveiled American program of strategic drone-attack assassinations of American citizens off the field of battle.
Summary:
* The government dropped a bomb on a U.S. citizen,
* who, though a total dick and probably a criminal, may have been engaged only in propaganda,
* which, though despicable, is generally protected by the First Amendment;
* it did so without a trial or even an indictment (that we know of),
* based at least in part on evidence it says it has but won't show anyone,
* and on a legal argument it has apparently made but won't show anyone,
* and the very existence of which it will not confirm or deny;
* although don't worry, because the C.I.A. would never kill an American without having somebody do a memo first;
* and this is the "most transparent administration ever";
* currently run by a Nobel Peace Prize winner.
- Boing Boing
Summary:
* The government dropped a bomb on a U.S. citizen,
* who, though a total dick and probably a criminal, may have been engaged only in propaganda,
* which, though despicable, is generally protected by the First Amendment;
* it did so without a trial or even an indictment (that we know of),
* based at least in part on evidence it says it has but won't show anyone,
* and on a legal argument it has apparently made but won't show anyone,
* and the very existence of which it will not confirm or deny;
* although don't worry, because the C.I.A. would never kill an American without having somebody do a memo first;
* and this is the "most transparent administration ever";
* currently run by a Nobel Peace Prize winner.
- Boing Boing
My world is now complete
I opened up my locker at work and found a bag full of Christmas goodies from Woody and his lovely wife, Daryn.
Prowling through it real quick I saw gifts for me and Lisa and CGD, some goodies and what's this? a bag of chocolate chip cookies? Cool! I put everything back, slammed my locker shut and braced myself for a fucked up day.
When I got off, I ran back up and grabbed the bag, then remembered the chocolate chip cookies. Might as well grab a couple for the road, so I started munching on one right away. Chocolate chip and ..... NO FUCKING WAY.....bacon cookies?
Are you fucking kidding me? Chocolate chip and bacon cookies..... Oh. Dear. God.
Just a hint of praline bacon baked into some already excellent chocolate chip cookies.
Thank you, Woody and Daryn, and get the spare bedroom ready. We're moving in.
Prowling through it real quick I saw gifts for me and Lisa and CGD, some goodies and what's this? a bag of chocolate chip cookies? Cool! I put everything back, slammed my locker shut and braced myself for a fucked up day.
When I got off, I ran back up and grabbed the bag, then remembered the chocolate chip cookies. Might as well grab a couple for the road, so I started munching on one right away. Chocolate chip and ..... NO FUCKING WAY.....bacon cookies?
Are you fucking kidding me? Chocolate chip and bacon cookies..... Oh. Dear. God.
Just a hint of praline bacon baked into some already excellent chocolate chip cookies.
Thank you, Woody and Daryn, and get the spare bedroom ready. We're moving in.
Got a little cool last night
Down into the upper 20s last night as it has been for the last week. Global warming sucks.
So he gets to pick and choose?
Obama says he's not bound by Guantanamo, gun-control provisions
President Obama said Friday he will not be bound by at least 20 policy riders in the 2012 omnibus funding the government, including provisions pertaining to Guantanamo Bay and gun control.
After he signed the omnibus into law Friday, the White House released a concurrent signing statement saying Obama will object to portions of the legislation on constitutional grounds.
Signing statements are highly controversial, and their legality is disputed.
"I have advised the Congress that I will not construe these provisions as preventing me from fulfilling my constitutional responsibility to recommend to the Congress's consideration such measures as I shall judge necessary and expedient," Obama said in a statement as he signed the bill into law.
Read more at The Hill
Via Free North Carolina
As I read in the comments of the original article, it's a government by Obama, for Obama and about Obama.
President Obama said Friday he will not be bound by at least 20 policy riders in the 2012 omnibus funding the government, including provisions pertaining to Guantanamo Bay and gun control.
After he signed the omnibus into law Friday, the White House released a concurrent signing statement saying Obama will object to portions of the legislation on constitutional grounds.
Signing statements are highly controversial, and their legality is disputed.
"I have advised the Congress that I will not construe these provisions as preventing me from fulfilling my constitutional responsibility to recommend to the Congress's consideration such measures as I shall judge necessary and expedient," Obama said in a statement as he signed the bill into law.
Read more at The Hill
Via Free North Carolina
*****
As I read in the comments of the original article, it's a government by Obama, for Obama and about Obama.
Troops to Obama - "Thanks, Asshole."
Report: CIA Has Suspended Drone Attacks In Pakistan…
(LA Times) — In an effort to mend badly frayed relations with Pakistan, the CIA has suspended drone missile strikes on gatherings of low-ranking militants believed to be involved in cross-border attacks on U.S. troops or facilities in Afghanistan, current and former U.S. officials say.
The undeclared halt in CIA attacks, now in its sixth week, is aimed at reversing a sharp erosion of trust after a series of deadly incidents, including the mistaken attack by U.S. gunships that killed 24 Pakistani soldiers last month.
The pause also comes amid an intensifying debate in the Obama administration over the future of the CIA’s covert drone war in Pakistan. The agency has killed dozens of Al Qaeda operatives and hundreds of low-ranking fighters there since the first Predator strike in 2004, but the program has infuriated many Pakistanis.
Some officials in the State Department and the National Security Council say many of the airstrikes are counterproductive. They argue that rank-and-file militants are easy to replace, and that Pakistani claims of civilian casualties, which the U.S. disputes, have destabilized the government of President Asif Ali Zardari, a U.S. ally.
- www.weaselzippers.us
And this is going to have the same result that the bombing halts over North Vietnam had. The enemy is going to flood their Afghanistan with weapons, explosives and supplies to kill our troops with.
(LA Times) — In an effort to mend badly frayed relations with Pakistan, the CIA has suspended drone missile strikes on gatherings of low-ranking militants believed to be involved in cross-border attacks on U.S. troops or facilities in Afghanistan, current and former U.S. officials say.
The undeclared halt in CIA attacks, now in its sixth week, is aimed at reversing a sharp erosion of trust after a series of deadly incidents, including the mistaken attack by U.S. gunships that killed 24 Pakistani soldiers last month.
The pause also comes amid an intensifying debate in the Obama administration over the future of the CIA’s covert drone war in Pakistan. The agency has killed dozens of Al Qaeda operatives and hundreds of low-ranking fighters there since the first Predator strike in 2004, but the program has infuriated many Pakistanis.
Some officials in the State Department and the National Security Council say many of the airstrikes are counterproductive. They argue that rank-and-file militants are easy to replace, and that Pakistani claims of civilian casualties, which the U.S. disputes, have destabilized the government of President Asif Ali Zardari, a U.S. ally.
- www.weaselzippers.us
*****
And this is going to have the same result that the bombing halts over North Vietnam had. The enemy is going to flood their Afghanistan with weapons, explosives and supplies to kill our troops with.
Night Befo Crizzmus
Wus da night afo' Crizzmus, and all thru da hood, Everybody be sleepin' and da sleepin' be good.
We hunged up our stockins, an hoped like all heck, dat dear Ol' Obama's, gunna brang us our checks!
All of da fambly, was ly'in on the flow, my sister wif her gurlfriend, and my brother wif some 'ho.
Ashtrays was all full , empty beer cans and all, when I heared such a fuss, I thunk...."Sh'eet, it must be da law".
I pulled de sheet off da windoe and what I'ze could see, I was spectin' the sherrif, wif a warrent fo' me.
But what did I see, made me say, "Laaawd look at dat". Dere was a huge watermelon, pulled by 8 big-ass rats.
Now over all of da years, Santy Claws he be white, but it looks like us brotha's, got a black un' tonight.
Faster than a poe'lice car, my homeboy he came, and whupped up on dem rats, as he called dem by name.
On Biden, On Jessie, On Polosi and Hillary Who, On Fannie, On Freddi, On Ayers, and Slick Willy too.
Obama landed dat melon, right there in da shreet, I knowed it fo' sho', - can you believe that Sh'eet!.
Dat Santy didn't need no chimney, he picked da lock on my doe, an I sez to myself, "Son o' bitch...he don did dis befoe"!
He had a big bag, full of presents - at first I suspeck? Wif "Air Jordans" and fake gold, to wear roun my neck.
But he left me no presents, just started stealin my shit. He got my guns and my crack, and my new burgler kit.
Den, wif my crap in his bag, out da windoe he flew, I sho' woulda shanked him, be he snagged my knife too.
He jumped back on dat melon, wif out even a hitch, and waz gone in two seconds, "democrat son of a bitch".
So nex year I be hopin', a white Santy we git, 'cause a black Santy Claws just ain't worf a shit!!!!
- Jon
See? I think about smart stuff too.
So I woke up about 3 this morning out of a dead sleep wondering "If the homicide rates amongst blacks are so outrageously high, how do you explain the the lack of black mass murderers and serial killers?"
When I realized it was going to take more than the 5 seconds I was willing to stay awake to solve that riddle, I said fuck it and went back to sleep.
When I realized it was going to take more than the 5 seconds I was willing to stay awake to solve that riddle, I said fuck it and went back to sleep.
Friday, December 23, 2011
Straight Up White Trash. Some serious White Trash.....
TAYLORSVILLE — A 34-year-old man has been arrested for investigation of multiple counts of sex abuse against a 13-year-old girl.
The four-month relationship was discovered after a bizarre incident at the man's house in which one of his housemates was shot by a third housemate who was reportedly trying to shoot a mouse in his kitchen with a 9mm handgun, according to investigators.
Paul Daniel Kunzler was booked into the Salt Lake County Jail for investigation of two counts of rape of a child, three counts of sodomy of a child and three counts of sexual abuse of a child.
The string of events began to unfold about 2 a.m. Tuesday when police were called to a house, 2584 W. Brucemont Dr. (5450 South), on a report of an accidental shooting. Officers arrived to discover that a man who was in the bathroom had accidentally been shot in the chest by his 27-year-old housemate who was shooting at a mouse in the kitchen with a handgun, said Taylorsville Police Sgt. Tracy Wyant.
The bullet went through a wall and struck the 28-year- old man while he was in the bathroom.
After further questioning, investigators learned Kunzler and the 13-year-old had been having a relationship for four months. The two had met through a common friend, Wyant said.
It was not known Wednesday whether any of Kunzler's three housemates were aware of the relationship.
- KSL.com
Thanks to Woody for sending this in. He knows how much I love this white trash hillbilly shit.
The four-month relationship was discovered after a bizarre incident at the man's house in which one of his housemates was shot by a third housemate who was reportedly trying to shoot a mouse in his kitchen with a 9mm handgun, according to investigators.
Paul Daniel Kunzler was booked into the Salt Lake County Jail for investigation of two counts of rape of a child, three counts of sodomy of a child and three counts of sexual abuse of a child.
The string of events began to unfold about 2 a.m. Tuesday when police were called to a house, 2584 W. Brucemont Dr. (5450 South), on a report of an accidental shooting. Officers arrived to discover that a man who was in the bathroom had accidentally been shot in the chest by his 27-year-old housemate who was shooting at a mouse in the kitchen with a handgun, said Taylorsville Police Sgt. Tracy Wyant.
The bullet went through a wall and struck the 28-year- old man while he was in the bathroom.
After the gun was fired, both the roommate and Paul heard a scream.
The victim was taken to a local hospital in serious condition. He was later upgraded to stable condition. Alcohol was involved in the incident, Wyant said.
During an ensuing search of the house, officers found a 13-year-old girl hiding in a basement closet, Wyant said. The girl told police she had sneaked out of her house without her father's knowledge to see Kunzler, according to a jail report.After further questioning, investigators learned Kunzler and the 13-year-old had been having a relationship for four months. The two had met through a common friend, Wyant said.
It was not known Wednesday whether any of Kunzler's three housemates were aware of the relationship.
- KSL.com
Thanks to Woody for sending this in. He knows how much I love this white trash hillbilly shit.
Fuck the feds
Paul Joseph Watson
Infowars.com
Friday, December 23, 2011
Read the rest of the article here at InfoWars.
Infowars.com
Friday, December 23, 2011
Congress is set to give the green light on funding for a massive expansion of TSA checkpoints, with the federal agency already responsible for over 9,000 such checkpoints in the last year amidst increased fears America is turning into a police state following the passage of the ‘indefinite detention’ bill.
The increase in funding has nothing to do with the TSA’s role in airports – this is about creating 12 more VIPR teams to add the federal agency’s 25 units that are already scattered across the country and responsible for manning checkpoints on highways, in bus and train terminals, at sports events and even high school prom nights.
“The TSA’s 25 “viper” teams — for Visible Intermodal Prevention and Response — have run more than 9,300 unannounced checkpoints and other search operations in the last year. Department of Homeland Security officials have asked Congress for funding to add 12 more teams next year,” reports the L.A. Times.
The demand for $24 million in extra funding is in addition to the $110 million spent in fiscal year 2011. The figures are completely independent from the federal agency’s role inside the nation’s airports, which costs taxpayers $5 billion a year.
The extra money is being demanded despite the fact that there is “no proof that the roving viper teams have foiled any terrorist plots or thwarted any major threat to public safety,” according to the L.A. Times report, which also highlights how the TSA’s sniffer dogs are used to single out people for questioning if the dog smells the scent of the owner’s pets on their clothing.
The appearance of thousands more checkpoints on America’s highways and at key transport hubs will only heighten concerns that the country is headed towards a Soviet-style police state.
Such fears were again expressed last week following the passage of the National Authorization Defense Act, a provision of which empowers the government to arrest Americans and hold them in a detention camp with no legal recourse.
With the federal government now seeking contractors to provide staff and supplies for “emergency camps” located around the country, the possibility of innocent Americans being swept up in a dragnet following a declaration of a national emergency has never been more of a threat.
The TSA is being used as a literal occupying army to ensure Americans who travel anywhere are constantly under the scrutiny of Big Brother.Read the rest of the article here at InfoWars.
Well, shiiiiitttt......
A white, a black guy and a Mexican were walking along the beach and stumbled upon a brass lamp. One of them picked it up and wiped it off and a Gene appeared. "Thank you for freeing me. In return I will grant you each one wish." Then he turned to the Mexican and said what's your wish?
Mexican: "I would life all my people to be back in Mexico with a good job and a home."
Gene: Done! And then he asked the Black guy what his wish is.
Negro: "I would like all my people to be back in Africa with a good job and a home."
Gene: Done! Then he asked the white guy what his wish was.
White Guy: "Okay, let me get this straight. All the Mexicans are back in Mexico and all the Negroes are back in Africa?"
Gene: "That is correct."
White Guy: "Okay then, I'll have a Coca Cola."
- Hello Birdy
Mexican: "I would life all my people to be back in Mexico with a good job and a home."
Gene: Done! And then he asked the Black guy what his wish is.
Negro: "I would like all my people to be back in Africa with a good job and a home."
Gene: Done! Then he asked the white guy what his wish was.
White Guy: "Okay, let me get this straight. All the Mexicans are back in Mexico and all the Negroes are back in Africa?"
Gene: "That is correct."
White Guy: "Okay then, I'll have a Coca Cola."
- Hello Birdy
From the comments
I found this comment for Brians' guest post "Holiday Thoughts" and figured this was just too good to bury in the comments. Too bad I didn't run into him when he was here, I'd have taken him shooting, fed him a shitload of bacon and went checking out camel toes together. Show him a good ol' knuckledraggin time, you know? Fuck Obama. ***** Man am I glad there are still guys in your great country that think like that! I am from New Zealand and visited the US to drive route 66 and also visit the states of Colorado, Oregon, Idaho and Washington. I was blown away by the hospitality and the patriotism of the rural states, especially Oklahoma and Texas. The people we met stood for all that makes America great; Pride, independence and an admirable love for your great country and the way it should be. I must admit that I fear for your welfare as a nation until you stop making a shit job of picking leaders! Americans need to stop voting for the 'salesman' who offers to pay them more of other peoples money. You are falling into the same trap as New Zealand is in. You are absolutely right, some people don't deserve my money as of right! Fuck Obama (am I allowed to say that as a non-American?) and keep up the good work! Mike |
Blame Bush, blame Bush....... err, blame the cop, blame the cop.
Barack Obama’s illegal alien Uncle Onyango Obama was arrested in August for driving drunk.
He was held by ICE for two weeks. Onyango told police when he was arrested that he planned to arrange bail through the White House.
Onyango Obama denied he was drinking and driving, or that he failed to yield the right of way. Omar registered a reading of 0.14 percent on a blood-alcohol breath test, which is above the state’s legal driving limit of 0.08 percent. (BBC)
Now it looks like Onyango’s defense team is going after the cop who arrested him.
The Boston Herald reported:
The Gateway Pundit
He was held by ICE for two weeks. Onyango told police when he was arrested that he planned to arrange bail through the White House.
Onyango Obama denied he was drinking and driving, or that he failed to yield the right of way. Omar registered a reading of 0.14 percent on a blood-alcohol breath test, which is above the state’s legal driving limit of 0.08 percent. (BBC)
Now it looks like Onyango’s defense team is going after the cop who arrested him.
The Boston Herald reported:
Lawyers for President Obama’s illegal alien half-uncle are going after the beat cop who busted him on a drunken-driving rap, chasing internal affairs records they hope will paint him as a serial squad-car speeder.That’s right. It’s not Onyango’s fault for driving drunk while living in the country illegally, it’s the cops fault!
Onyango Obama never would have been stopped and subjected to a breath test, which lawyers also are contesting, if it weren’t for the cop’s bad driving, his lawyers insist.
“It will be our contention that the officer nearly caused the accident by nearly hitting Obama,” defense attorney William L. Harvey III told the Herald, saying he believes patrolman Val Krishtal was going “well above the speed limit” at the time of the near-crash.
Obama’s attorneys said they want Framingham cops to cough up a paper trail on Krishtal, who, according to his own police report, nearly rear-ended the commander-in-chief’s long-lost relative before making the Aug. 24 stop heard ’round the world.
“What’s at issue is obviously the police officer’s course of conduct with regard to his speed, especially on that day he pulled Obama over,” Harvey said. “We’ve learned that there have been numerous incidents in Framingham with regard to his driving pattern as a police officer.”
The Gateway Pundit
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Camping with Wirecutter
I took Tiny hunting last year back up on the Kalifornia/Nevada border. He hadn't been on a weekend hunt since shortly after he surrendered his life to marriage and he was all fired up about it, wanted to know every detail, a fucking timeline, even wanted to plan a menu for an overnighter.
Okay, I do admit that my idea of camping is a little different than most folks. For one thing, I don't go camping just for the sake of sleeping on the cold hard ground. I camp because I'm fishing or shooting or exploring old mining camp sites or whatever and it happens to take more than one day. When I do camp, it's usually stop wherever I end up, kick a spot clear of rocks, maybe pitch a tent, cook my dinner over a stove and go to fucking sleep so I can get up before dawn and continue in my endeavors. Pretty spartan, but I can be up and gone in 10 minutes.
I don't use a campfire over in Eastern California because all there is to burn is sagebrush and pinion pine. Sagebrush burns way too fast and hot - you'll run yourself to death keeping that fire fed - and pinion is just nasty to burn, kind of a greasy smudge. Besides, where I hunt you can count the trees within view on your fingers.
But Tiny just had to have a campfire to cook his pork-n-beans on that his now ex-wife had so thoughtfully thrown at him as we were leaving. He builds himself a sagebrush fire, alerting every fucking coyote within 20 miles with the smell, and squats down in front of me to open his can, giving me a ghastly view of his butt crack.
I swear to God above, I do not know what possessed me to do this.
I leaned over, pulled a burning twig from the fire and touched it to his butt crack.
That motherfucker launched himself a good 10 feet. Picture a 280 pound bullfrog at the Calaveras County Frog Jumps.
My reactions went from "Oh fuck, what in the hell did I do that for?" to "God DAMN, look at that motherfucker go!!!"
When both of us finally got our shit together - him trying to put the fire in his ass out and me laughing - he said he never heard a thing, just felt that ember from the fire land in his britches which set me off into another fit of laughter. Whatever coyotes had missed the smoke damned sure heard me laughing and hooting and hollering.
I still haven't told him real deal.
Okay, I do admit that my idea of camping is a little different than most folks. For one thing, I don't go camping just for the sake of sleeping on the cold hard ground. I camp because I'm fishing or shooting or exploring old mining camp sites or whatever and it happens to take more than one day. When I do camp, it's usually stop wherever I end up, kick a spot clear of rocks, maybe pitch a tent, cook my dinner over a stove and go to fucking sleep so I can get up before dawn and continue in my endeavors. Pretty spartan, but I can be up and gone in 10 minutes.
I don't use a campfire over in Eastern California because all there is to burn is sagebrush and pinion pine. Sagebrush burns way too fast and hot - you'll run yourself to death keeping that fire fed - and pinion is just nasty to burn, kind of a greasy smudge. Besides, where I hunt you can count the trees within view on your fingers.
But Tiny just had to have a campfire to cook his pork-n-beans on that his now ex-wife had so thoughtfully thrown at him as we were leaving. He builds himself a sagebrush fire, alerting every fucking coyote within 20 miles with the smell, and squats down in front of me to open his can, giving me a ghastly view of his butt crack.
I swear to God above, I do not know what possessed me to do this.
I leaned over, pulled a burning twig from the fire and touched it to his butt crack.
That motherfucker launched himself a good 10 feet. Picture a 280 pound bullfrog at the Calaveras County Frog Jumps.
My reactions went from "Oh fuck, what in the hell did I do that for?" to "God DAMN, look at that motherfucker go!!!"
When both of us finally got our shit together - him trying to put the fire in his ass out and me laughing - he said he never heard a thing, just felt that ember from the fire land in his britches which set me off into another fit of laughter. Whatever coyotes had missed the smoke damned sure heard me laughing and hooting and hollering.
I still haven't told him real deal.
I knew he was good for something
Lisa has the best nose of any human I know. She can smell a fart clear across the room and start in on CharlieGodammit. "Damn, Charlie! What the hell did you eat today, another cat?" Then to me: "You can't smell that? Really? Seriously?" I'm shrugging my shoulders, shaking my head 'no' and holding my breath and trying to keep a straight face.
I mean, what's the big deal? Sure, CGD farts, but he's a dog. Dogs fart, fact of life. Besides, he's good cover for me, although I don't think he appreciates the scolding too much.
I mean, what's the big deal? Sure, CGD farts, but he's a dog. Dogs fart, fact of life. Besides, he's good cover for me, although I don't think he appreciates the scolding too much.
Fuck that PC shit
Company Memo
FROM: Amy Brown, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
RE: Gala Christmas Party
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols... feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1pm. Exchanges of gifts among employees can be done at that time, however no gift should be over $10 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees! Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!
FROM: Amy Brown, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
RE: Gala Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognise that Hanukkah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on, we're calling it our 'Holiday Party'. The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians and to those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols will be sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment. Happy now?
FROM: Amy Brown, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads 'AA Only' you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody? And sorry, but forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are allowed since the union members feel that $10 is too much money and the executives believe $10 is a little chintzy.
FROM: Amy Brown, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
RE: Generic Holiday Party
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work?
FROM: Amy Brown, Human Resources Director
TO: All Fucking Employees
RE: The Fucking Holiday Party
I've had it with you vegetarian pricks!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the 'grill of death' as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your fucking salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW! The rest of you fucking wierdos can kiss my ass. I hope you all have a rotten holiday!
FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
RE: Amy Brown and Holiday Party
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Amy Brown a speedy recovery from her recent nervous breakdown and I'll continue to forward your cards to her at the 'rest facility'. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.
FROM: Amy Brown, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
RE: Gala Christmas Party
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols... feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1pm. Exchanges of gifts among employees can be done at that time, however no gift should be over $10 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees! Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!
Merry Christmas to you and your family,
Amy
Amy
FROM: Amy Brown, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
RE: Gala Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognise that Hanukkah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on, we're calling it our 'Holiday Party'. The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians and to those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols will be sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment. Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family,
Amy
Amy
FROM: Amy Brown, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads 'AA Only' you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody? And sorry, but forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are allowed since the union members feel that $10 is too much money and the executives believe $10 is a little chintzy.
REMEMBER: NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
Amy
Amy
FROM: Amy Brown, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
RE: Generic Holiday Party
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work?
Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet, and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with gay men, each group will have their own table. Yes, there will be a flower arrangement for the gay men's table. To the person asking permission to cross dress, the Grill House asks that no cross-dressing be allowed, apparently because of concerns about confusion in the restrooms. Sorry.
We will have booster seats for short people. Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet. I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in the food . The Grill House suggests that people with high blood pressure taste a bite first. There will be fresh 'low sugar' fruits as dessert for diabetics, but the restaurant cannot supply 'no sugar' desserts. Sorry! Did I miss anything?!?!?
Amy
FROM: Amy Brown, Human Resources Director
TO: All Fucking Employees
RE: The Fucking Holiday Party
I've had it with you vegetarian pricks!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the 'grill of death' as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your fucking salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW! The rest of you fucking wierdos can kiss my ass. I hope you all have a rotten holiday!
Drive drunk and die,
The Bitch from Hell!!
The Bitch from Hell!!
FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
RE: Amy Brown and Holiday Party
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Amy Brown a speedy recovery from her recent nervous breakdown and I'll continue to forward your cards to her at the 'rest facility'. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.
Happy Whatever!
Joan
Joan
Holiday Thoughts - Guest Post
Despite an ineffectual little sissy man in the head office and grubby pawed greedy monkeys in congress, America is a strong Nation and WE the People can make it strong again. We are not lazy, we do not over spend ($4.5 million Christmas Vacation Sissy Boy), We help others that deserve it and face reality folks, not everyone deserves it, we help those that are willing to help themselves.
This Country by no means is a bad country I don't care what sissy boy and the congress monkeys say, we give more than any countries, and always have. Of course we give to all and that needs to stop read above, "those deserving." This country and the people in it are by and large Christian and support and hold Christian values. Those values are in almost every religion ALMOST, I can name one that loves to kill but we are not supposed to say Muslim because it makes Sissy Boy wet his pants and Number 2 Joe said the Taliban is Not our enemy. Wow say it aint so Joe. (Idiot) Didn't read history did ya joe
This Christmas the charities are in full swing, and not just the National Charities, Local Churches, Veterans Clubs, the list is so long Even the Bikers do a Toys For Tots, along with the Marines, Hell the entire military and shitty as they are paid take thin dimes and worn out dollars to help others. Sissy Boy says we should stop that, that only The Government should help others with the monies they steal out of my pay check. That is great, but, The people the Government give MY MONEY to are Not the People I would give to. In Fact they are the problem, they are not willing to help themselves at all unless it is to lie cheat and fill out more forms so they get a bigger check to sit in subsidized housing grow fat pop out more little pay checks and drain my wallet. So Sissy Boy, thank you very much but NO, I get to pick where MY hard earned money goes. Well what is left after the Monkeys under your direction, rape my wallet.
This Holiday Season, If you have a Dime to spare, Give it to someone deserving. Pick a local or a National charity and drop that dime in. Local places are churches, Clubs like Elks Moose, Legion, AMVETS, WOW so many I bet you can find one.
Anyway to make a point, Sissy boy and his $4.5 million dollar vacation has a lot to answer for and I hope he will, but like Clinton he will wait till he is out of office then write a book. Have fun on that vacation Sissy boy, you have the chair now, but 2012 is coming and We The People are a bit miffed to say the least,
You do not know better than us, every dictate brought down on us are soon found to be based on false data, an answer "common sense" would have told you sissy boy, so take your EPA, the BATEF and IRS and let them know, the truth will come out. We the People are tired of being lied to and told what to do, have you not figured it out yet? Every time you dictate what we will not do you become Salesman of The Year for that. We as a people came here were born here raised here to be independent, don't you get it yet? WE Are Free People, and we do not want your chains, or you telling us what to eat, what to put in our bodies, what to put in our cars or how we should build them, We dictate what we want by not buying crap. Figure it out or GTFO. That applies to the monkeys too. Be safe all, enjoy the holidays.
Have a Happy New Year!
Brian In Florida
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Fun with Charles
We got this black boss named Charles out at work - in his 60s and from Oakland, so he's had the radical black attitude, although he's mellowed that shit out considerably in the 10+ years I've been working with and for him. I hated that motherfucker when he first hired on as management (a story for another post) but we came to an understanding - I understood he would fire my ass if I didn't cool my heels - and we actually started getting along real well, even to the point of talking race shit as evidenced by the photo below, taken a few years ago.
Yeah, so the the other day I was fucking with him and asked if he preferred African American, black or negro.
"Man, I'd rather be called colored than a damned negro".
So now he's on my ass for referring to him around work as 'my colored friend'.
And it was just last week that me and my buddy Rick were fucking off in one of the dark aisles, just bullshitting and catching up on our weekends. Monday morning shit, you know?
Rick
Rick is working for Charles and Charles is on the prowl looking for him. Rick's got his radio turned off so he wouldn't be disturbed by it and he was ignoring repeated calls on the intercom requesting his presence at the office. It's just a matter of time until Charles shows up looking for his lazy ass.
Pretty soon we see Charles on his little electric cart cruising down the receiving dock, his big-ass head turning back and forth, looking for Rick. Right before he gets to the aisle we're standing in, Rick throws his arms around me and plants a big ol' sloppy kiss right on my lips.
Charles got excited, to say the least.
"OH MY GAWD!!! YOU FUCKING WHITE PEOPLE..... OH LAWDY!!! GET YOUR MOTHERFUCKING ASSES IN A TRAILER WITH THAT SHIT BEFORE YOU GET US ALL FIRED!!! OH LAWD......"
And yes, after we quit laughing there was the necessary awkward silence.
That means a fat ass, right?
(Fishbowl DC) — Rep. Jim Sensenbrenner (R-Wisc.), known for his cantankerous ways and for not speaking to media unless it’s his idea, was overheard at the Delta Crown lounge at Reagan National Airport today talking on his cellphone about an incident he said occurred three weeks ago while at an Episcopal church auction. Please note, a church auction.
Our source, a Democratic operative who heard the whole thing, said he was “very loud”. Sensenbrenner was overheard saying that after buying all their “crap” (his word) a woman approached him and praised first lady Michelle Obama. He told the woman that Michelle should practice what she preaches — “she lectures us on eating right while she has a large posterior herself.”
www.weaselzippers.com
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)