Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Wannabe White Trash

From 10/25/08

While doing an internet search for pictures of my classy White Trash catagory, I ran across this one.
While I know that being White Trash is the new fad, it has to be done right to be effective and these folks have it all wrong. Let me point out their mistakes.
1) Their clothes are new.
To be pure WT, it helps if you buy your attire at a thrift shop. There is nothing wrong with wearing other people's clothes. The classier WT will wash the clothes after purchasing them but it's not required. The young man in the overalls is particularly offensive - not only are his overalls brand new, but he's wearing a T shirt under them.

2) No grease stains.
Whether it be on the body or the clothing, there has to be grease stains somewhere.
3) The setting appears to be in a suburban setting.
No self respecting WT would allow his picture to be taken anywhere other than in a field, near a body of water, in a forest, at a gun range, saloon, or jailhouse.

4) No tobacco products in use. No cigarettes, Copenhagen, Skoal, or cigars.
5) While it does appear that they are drinking beer, they are drinking from cans which are totally useless as weapons, even when full. Trust me, I know.
6) Headgear. The two in the rear have it right, the two that are seated need to crumple their hats up and dirty 'em up a little. Puking in them wouldn't hurt.

7) No women in cutoffs and tit tops in the picture. Gotta have 'em.
8) No facial hair. Mustaches and/or goatees are required. Females are excused from this requirement if necessary.
9) No weapons worn or displayed. When posing for a picture, this is a must for all males. It can be a gun or a knife (even in a sheath) but there must be at least one weapon in the picture.
10) No vehicles. THERE MUST BE A VEHICLE SOMEWHERE IN THE PICTURE!!!! It can be a muscle car, a quad, tractor or pickup, but there must be a vehicle in a posed picture. One more thing - it must be American made. No Toyota pickups. Period.

11) There is not a single soiltary dog in the picture. Not only is there not a dog, I can't spot a single pile of dogshit on the lawn.

12) While alcohol appears to be in use, I don't see anybody that is even close to passing out or puking.
And finally:
13) Tattoos. I see 10 bare arms in the picture and no tattoos. And while tattoos with colors fill the requirement, the best ones would be either prison or homemade tattoos with no colors at all.
Okay, I hope that these tips help out. If you wanna be White Trash, be White Trash, not Wannabe White Trash.


Brock Townsend said...

Agreed, pretty poor, but I did see one redeeming factor I do believe, if I spied a PBR, the beer of my youth.:)

Mozart said...

Are tatoos really required? I like to think of myself as white trash. But this bit of news leaves me feeling less than worthy: (

Might I have some, hope?


wirecutter said...

Not everything listed is required to be White Trash, Mozart, but those fuckers didn't even hit one thing!

Titan Mk6B said...

Looks like Army dude might have a knife case on his belt but, sandals????

I hate fucking sandals.

At least he did not have socks on.

Shell said...

While I'm glad Brock was reminded of his youth by the PBR cans, I have to point out that nowadays only hipster douches and their wannabes drink it. They consider it a flat-side-up status symbol or some such bullshit.

missred said...

the sandals the guy in the army shirt is wearing are also a dead give-away!

Sammy said...

Hmmmm...maybe the suburban wigger thing is starting to get played out?

Brock Townsend said...

hipster douches and their wannabes drink it. They consider it a flat-side-up status symbol or some such bullshit.


giamby said...

It's not just the sandals. All the footwear is wrong.