Monday, July 02, 2012

Well, hell......

Goddammit, here I am on vacation with nothing planned and not much being done, right? Kicking back, doing whatever the fuck I want and generally just enjoying life.

Okay, a little background on this rant. Lisa's parents stayed with us for about a month on their annual vacation, leaving about a month ago. Great houseguests and we got along fine but still, a month..... but their house was on the market and they would be back here shortly anyways. So they leave on a Wednesday and on Friday Lisa's cousin and her family showed up for a week. It wasn't as bad as it sounds because they were whole new personalities and it turns out that we all share the same political leanings. A very good visit and hope they come again.
So they left and me and Lisa looked at each other and swore no more houseguests for a few months and then we locked the doors, drew the curtains and hid out for a week.
You are officially caught up.

So anyways, Lisa's folk's house sold back in Tennessee and so for the past week or so my old lady's been busy house shopping for her mom. Today I was bored and went with her, serving as driver, photographer and evidently coffee bitch. We fired off the pictures to her folks, told them what we thought of the houses and commenced to kicking back, Lisa in the tub and me in my Camouflaged Bass Pro Easy Chair. Pretty soon I heard something from the bathroom like somebody was drowning so I finished the article I was reading real quick and when back to see what was up. Coming down the hallway I could hear she was on the phone and just as I rounded the corner I heard "......Tomorrow at 12:10. Delta. What's your flight number, Mom?"
Aw Hell no.....
"You need to go to Sacramento tomorrow to pick up my mother" is what I'm hearing as I finally force myself into the bathrooom.
"Aw Hell no..... fuck that....." and then I got The Look.

So here I am, on vacation with no motherfucking plans (and Lisa knows that), and my mother-in-law is going to be here for a couple of weeks. I've got 6 days with no place to escape to and I gotta be on my best behavior while she's here. No more dick prints on the patio sliding glass door or the hallway mirrors, can't wander in naked for my morning coffee rubbing my nuts, can't swear, can't do nothing, man.
Not only that, but she taught Lisa The Look. Every one of you married motherfuckers out there know exactly what I'm talking about. Now I'm gonna have the two of them  hammering me with The Look everytime I turn around.
I am so fucked.......