Tuesday, October 02, 2012

Crazy Einar's Top 10 Manliest Guns

You gotta go HERE and check out Crazy Einar's 10 Manliest Gun List.
Here's the writeup about the Barrett 50:

Ronnie Barrett is a true modern Viking. He hunts big game. He plays with guns. One day in the late 70s, he thought to himself, “Wouldn’t it be cool if there was a RIFLE that fired the same .50 BMG cartridge as Saint John Browning’s Heavy Machine Gun?” So he built it. That’s manly.

When the metrosexual Kalifornia wusses were wetting their pants over “assault rifles,” he got dragged into the argument. You see, Ronnie sells many weapons to police departments, for use in stopping bad guys, so they claim. By “bad” guy they sometimes mean tattooed gangbanger. They also sometimes mean balding, pony-tailed, pot-smoking hippie, though. After all, this IS Cretinfornia.

But that wasn’t enough for Commiefornia. They had a ban on “assault weapons” (An “assault weapon” is a semantically null political term that means “It can be used to hurt people.” As the REAL commies in Russia, who were men descended from Vikings (at least the ones in charge) would note, “Of course hurts people. Is weapon.” You may as well refer to your “house home.” The wussy definition of “Assault weapon” bears no resemblance to the US military’s definition. It comes down to, “It’s black and makes us poopoo in our panties!”

So, even with a ban on “assault weapons” that included most self-loading rifles, including Barrett’s M82 Light Fifty, the People’s Republic of Kalifornija wanted more. They dragged one of his rifles from the LA SWAT armory and used it (Illegal for civilians to own, mind you), as a horrible example of weapons that Must Be Banned Lest They Pollute Our Precious, Bodily Fluids.
They got their ban, because their voters are the type of trilling limpwrists one sees portrayed in movies as stereotypes…only in Californica they’re not stereotypes, they’re typical. It must suck to be a real man on the Left Coast.

Now, Ronnie is not a metrosexual wuss. Ronnie is, in fact, a real testosterone-laden Viking MAN. He warned them then, then he told them, he would oppose them in their pursuit. And Ronnie does not make idle threats. He is a man of his word.
A few weeks later, LA SWAT sent one of these rifles that they use for shooting fleeing mopeds back to Barrett for maintenance…and Ronnie sent it right back to them, untouched, contract cancelled, with polite instructions to stick it somewhere dark and smelly and ride it straight to hell. Not only that, he publicly and proudly announces in all his advertising that he WILL NOT sell to or deal with ANY government entity in communist third world Kali.

And THAT, ladies and gentleman, is a MAN. While not everyone can afford or make use of his wonderful toys, it’s certainly an honor and privilege to promote a real modern Viking who understands the application of bowel-emptying terror, and how to tell friend from foe.

And there’s more! After securing military contracts for anti-materiel sniping (Generators, vehicles, radars, etc), and facing the wrath of Sarah Brady and her Gun-Grabbing Sideshow (which wrath he snickered at, it having all the intimidation of an angry kitten and Ronnie, as we noted, being a Viking), he gave the ultimate middle finger gesture and redesigned the weapon into 25 mm, or TWICE as big. This is a man so cool even his sperm smoke unfiltered Camels. And that makes this gun the manliest gun on Earth.

So yeah, go over and check out the rest of the list. It's a great list if I do say so myself. I've owned several of the guns and shot all of them except the Barrett and the Glock. You read that right, I have never fired a Glock. Never will, either.

Thanks to Rurik for the link.


Sara said...

I'm going to go read it, but first have to thank you for the copy/paste that included this line. "This is a man so cool even his sperm smoke unfiltered Camels." This made me laugh and think of my old man!

drjim said...

Damn good list!
Thanks for posting it, Ken.

Kevin in Georgia said...

Yeah, I read that when he used to hang out at Arthur's Hall of Viking Manliness. But any list of manly guns that includes the AR or AK and omits the FAL, or its most highly evolved incarnation, the L1A1, is a crap list. When the USA was testing rifles to replace the M1, the FAL stomped the M14's ass, but as usual, skulduggery won the day.

Ultimate Ordnance said...

Good list, but I would say:

#8 Glock – Nope, no Tupperware
#4 AR15 – Nope, unreliable and an inadequate caliber

M1 Garand – Manly 30-.06 battle weapon
M1A - Semi-Auto M-14 in .308
SKS – Same ammo as AK-47, less expensive and more accurate
M1927A1 – Kahr Arms semi-auto Tommy Gun

Cheesy said...

HK 91 kinda guy, here.
I save the poodle shooter for shooting poodles.

travlin lite and well heeled said...

if you get the chance try out a .50
you will like the maximum penetration also fun fun with sabots .30 cal

i like mine