Please forgive me this morning for my attitude. I have an 8:30 appointment to have a finger stuffed up my butt. Actually it's just a check-up and to have some blood work done but I know my doctor well.
I can go in for a broken bone and he'll tell me to drop my pants and bend over.
Everybody complains that their doctors have the fattest fingers in town but let me tell you what: My doctor has the longest fingers in town. He should've been a concert pianist. I swear, that man can tickle my tonsils from behind.
And to top matters off, I didn't sleep hardly at all last night and because I have to have blood work done, I can't have any of my ass-kicking lifesaving wonderful coffee this morning. Luckily his office isn't too far away so the number of people to run off the road is limited.