Saturday, October 25, 2008

Wannabe White Trash

While doing an internet search for pictures of my classy White Trash catagory, I ran across this one.
While I know that being White Trash is the new fad, it has to be done right to be effective.
These folks have it all wrong. Let me point out their mistakes.
1) Their clothes are new.
To be pure WT, it helps if you buy your attire at a thrift shop. There is nothing wrong with wearing other people's clothes. The classier WT will wash the clothes after purchasing them but it's not required. The young man in the overalls is particularly offensive - not only are his overalls brand new, but he's wearing a T shirt under them.
2) No grease stains.
Whether it be on the body or the clothing, there has to be grease stains somewhere.
3) The setting appears to be in a suburban setting.
No self respecting WT would allow his picture to be taken anywhere other than in a field, near a body of water, in a forest, at a gun range, saloon, or jailhouse.
4) No tobacco products in use. No cigarettes, Copenhagen, Skoal, or cigars.
5) While it does appear that they are drinking beer, they are drinking from cans which are totally useless as weapons, even when full. Trust me, I know.
6) Headgear. The two in the rear have it right, the two that are seated need to crumple their hats up and dirty 'em up a little.
7) No women in cutoffs and tit tops in the picture. Gotta have 'em.
8) No facial hair. Mustaches and/or goatees are required. Females are excused from this requirement if necessary.
9) No weapons worn or displayed. When posing for a picture, this is a must for all males. It can be a gun or a knife (even in a sheath) but there must be at least one weapon in the picture.
10) No vehicles. THERE MUST BE A VEHICLE SOMEWHERE IN THE PICTURE!!!! It can be a muscle car, a quad, tractor or pickup, but there must be a vehicle in a posed picture. One more thing - it must be American made. No Toyota pickups. Period.
11) There is not a single soiltary dog in the picture. Not only is there not a dog, I can't spot a single pile of dogshit on the lawn.
12) While alcohol appears to be in use, I don't see anybody that is even close to passing out or puking.
And finally:
13) Tattoos. I see 10 bare arms in the picture and no tattoos. And while tattoos with colors fill the requirement, the best ones would be either prison or homemade tattoos with no colors at all.
Okay, I hope that these tips help out. If you wanna be White Trash, be White Trash, not Wannabe White Trash.


ibeam said...

Great commentary! I was peeing my pants laughing while reading it.

wirecutter said...

Hey, this was supposed to be an educational posting!!!!
And if you'll look carefully at my photo, you'll see the proper headgear, facial hair, and a throat tattoo.
Not only that but I've got a can of Copenhagen in my back pocket and a Buck knife on my belt.