Saturday, November 29, 2008

I'm alive. Barely.

Well, as you can see by today's posts, I'm still in this world. I don't see how that is possible as shitty as I feel, but I am.
I made it to work yesterday and signed up for an early out as soon as I walked into the office. In order for me to get paid for Thanksgiving I had to show up, but if they decided they had too many people for the work, they could let some leave and they would get paid. Seeing as I was the number one loader on the dock I figured there was a pretty good chance that I'd be able to slide out of there, so I signed up.
I knew it would be a few hours before Management figured out the work load so I settled in for the long haul. By lunchtime I was starting to feel half-assed human again and was entertaining my friends by showing them that when I jumped up and down they could see my man titties bounce until I saw my boss headed my way so I had to cut that shit out and act sick again.
It worked. He said that he'd let me go at 2:30. Now this was only 2 hours short of a full 10 hour shift but what the fuck, I'll take whatever I could get.
When I hit the clock at 2:30 I could still breathe so I swung by the grocery store and did my weekly shopping before I went home. Suprisingly, I was actually feeling pretty damned good and was considering going fishing in the morning.
About 2 AM I woke up gagging on my own bodily fluids and sliding off my mucus covered pillow. Uh-oh, this isn't good. I grabbed a handful of dollar-a-roll butt wipe (Real Men don't use tissues) and tried to blow my nose, but my nose was so jammed up the only thing I blew was a nasty ol' fart. Back pressure, ya know? I staggered into the bathroom and climbed into a hot shower trying to clear my sinuses but that didn't even work.
I wandered into the kitchen after kicking the Evil Cats out of the way and turned on the coffee pot, feeling worse and worse every minute. Finally I said to hell with it and laid down on the couch (I needed something fresh to snot up) with a good book and Punkindog who was careful to stay out of sneezing range until I finally fell back asleep.
About noontime Mom called and asked if I was feeling any better. When I told her that I was actually feeling worse, she asked what I was doing about it. When I told her that I had switched from Copenhagen Long Cut to Wintergreen Skoal to soothe my throat, I'd have sworn I could hear her muttering "Oh, you fucking dumbass ......" then she offered to bring me over some medication and soup. Right on, Mom.
So, here I sit in bed with a bottle of Tylenol Cold Multi Symptom De-snotter, FloNase, a bottle of bourbon (medicinal of course) and a can of Wintergreen Skoal.
But at least I got a free meal out of the deal. And who knows, maybe I can still go fishing tomorrow.......


LulaBelle said...

Mom to the rescue! Hope you're better now.

wirecutter said...

Yeah, Mom's a sweetheart. Meaner than hell when she's pushed, though.
Yes, thank you, I'm feeling a lot better now. It took a full weekend to kick that nasty cold but at least I breathe.
Back to work bright and early tomorrow dammit.