Saturday, September 13, 2008

45 ACP load data

5 grains of Bullseye under a lead 230 grain roundnose bullet and a CCI Large Pistol Primer will give you about 825 fps.
As I mentioned in an earlier post today, make sure your expander ball doesn't exceed .450" in diameter and be sure to use a slight taper crimp. Stay the hell away from the roll crimp dies that used to come with RCBS dies - they still might, it's been years since I purchased new dies - as the cartridge headspaces on the case mouth. Besides, a roll crimp will tend to cause a feeding problem.

No wonder he has an armored car

The Pope is visiting town and all the residents are dressed up in their best Sunday clothes. Everyone lines up on main street hoping for a personal blessing from the Great Man. One local man has put on his best suit and he's sure the Pope will stop and talk to him. He is standing next to an exceptionally down-trodden looking bum who doesn't smell very good. As the Pope comes walking by he leans over and says something to the bum and then walks right by the local man. He can't believe it, then it hits him. The Pope won't talk to him, he's concerned for the unfortunate people: the poor and and feeble ones. Thinking fast, he gives the bum $20 to trade clothes with him. He puts on the bum's clothing and runs down the street to line up for another chance for the Pope to stop and talk to him. Sure enough, the Pope walks right up to him this time, leans over close and says, "I thought I told you to get the hell out of here!"

But you look good........

A woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table, she had a near death experience. Seeing God, she asked, "Is my time up?"
God said "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, lip enhancement, boob job, liposuction, and a tummy tuck. After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was hit by an ambulance and killed.
Arriving in front of God she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 years? Why didn't you pull me out of the path of the ambulance?"
God replied, "Girrrlllllll, I didn't even recognize you!"


A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:
A quart of 2% milk, a carton of eggs, a quart of orange juice, a head of lettuce, a can of coffee, and one pack of bacon. As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single."
The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"
The drunk replied, "Because you're ugly. "

Custom cartridges

Because of the bleeding heart laws that the State of Kalifornia insist on passing, we've been restricted from using lead bullets in areas that the California Condor MIGHT inhabit.
These areas include most of Central California. The Department of Fish and Game has maps showing the exact areas but I'll save you the trouble of looking it up - It's available in PDF form at:

Here's an excerpt from that page:
After nearly a full year of public testimony, discussion, and environmental analyses, the Fish and Game Commission modified the Methods Authorized for Taking Big Game (Section 353, Title 14, CCR) in December, 2007 to prohibit the use of projectiles containing lead for hunting deer, bear, wild pig, elk, and pronghorn antelope in areas designated as California condor range. Modifications to Methods of Take for Nongame Birds and Mammals (Section 475, Title 14, CCR) were also adopted to prohibit the use of lead projectiles in the same areas when hunting coyotes, ground squirrels, and other non-game wildlife. These regulations become effective July 1, 2008.
If you hunt in this area, you will be required to use nonlead projectiles to hunt big-game and non-game species beginning July 1, 2008. In addition, while hunting these species in this area hunters may not possess any lead projectiles/ammunition and a firearm capable of firing that lead projectile or ammunition.
NOTE! Lead Projectiles are still legal for hunting upland game species within the nonlead zone.

For bullets that are compliant with the laws, go to: They've got a wide selection of weights and calibers.

How come nobody's stomping him out?

Amen. And that's all I have to say about that.

Plastic surgery gone bad

Reminds me of my own dear Grandmother

Watch out, Dude

It's actually easier to carry it in your pocket

I wonder how many iPods have been, um, rectally inserted since this photo came out.

Quit your sniveling, Kid

My shack and the neighbor's house were at right angles to each other on the same piece of property, and there was a tree right outside his front door. One day, I was trying to kick back inside my shack, but this damned ol' magpie was screeching in the tree outside Bouncer's door. After about 20 minutes of that bullshit, I picked up my Ruger 22 automatic and shot right through my screen door, knocking the pest out of the tree and in front of Bouncer's 4 year old daughter who happened to be standing just inside their screen door admiring the magpie, traumatizing the kid for life. I bet it was 30 minutes before she could quit screaming long enough to rat me out.

So that's what that little lever is for

Army Ammo Plant
Oh shit, what the hell just happened? I stood next to the forklift scratching my head and picking my ass, trying to figure out what the hell I’d just done and if I should start trying to figure out a lie to explain the 10,000 grenades rolling down Line 7.
I remember coming from the Coinshoulder Press with a full bin of grenades headed for Building 13, slowing down at the intersection until I could see that it was clear, then swinging it wide and accelerating while throwing on the left turn signal. The next thing I knew, the lift was sliding sideways, the bin was laying on it's side and empty 20 feet from me, and I was well on my way to having a good story to tell over our breaktime joint. As I was standing there, Dave, who was working nearby at the time, came wandering up and checked out the scene. As I told him the story, he started haw hawing, but at least he was decent enough to let me finish the tale before pointing out to me that our forklifts don't have no fucking turn signals on 'em, what I had done was to shift from forward to reverse while traveling at full speed, heading into a hard left turn.
Yup, it looked like my first instincts were right, it was time to come up with a good bullshit story for the bosses.

Gotta think ahead, Stud

Winter, 1990
We were at Fisherman’s Wharf in San Francisco and Dave just had to go on a tour of this submarine they got tied up at on of the docks there. So we pay our money and climb down into this boat. Uh-oh, small problem. I'm wearing a Colt 45 in a nylon hideout holster strapped over my right hip pocket, and I got an Army field jacket over that. Every time I stoop over to crawl through one of the hatches, my field jacket would ride up, showing off that 45 to the tourista behind me. I did the entire tour walking backwards.

Bang bang bang pop BOOM

When I first started to reload about 25 years ago, I was kind of nervous. I wasn't quite sure if I was doing everything exactly right as I had nobody to teach me and actually show me what the hell I was doing so everything I knew I learned from a book or magazine, and let's face it, I was messing with explosives here. Anyways, I studied each step, set up my dies by the book, double and triple checked everything, then did each loading step slowly and carefully. I could just see a gun blowing up because of a stupid ass mistake.
The first caliber that I loaded was 45 ACP. I loaded up 200 rounds and headed up to Red Hills Road to try 'em out. I told Dave to shoot them slowly slowly slowly to make sure the recoil felt right, not too light or heavy, and to listen to the report and make sure it sounded right. If it didn't feel or sound exactly right, then By God, quit shooting. I mean that's how shaky I was about the situation.
Dave loads a magazine into his 45, points that Colt downrange and unloads the entire magazine in about one and a half seconds flat. Then he turns to me and says "Yeah, they're fine."

My single shot

I used to have this H&R model 088 12 gauge shotgun that my partner Randy gave me. It kicked so hard the first time I shot it I thought the thing blew up. It was a single shot, so there was virtually no action or anything else to weight it down for that matter, so when you touched that fucker off it really jumped around. The funny thing was though, I could really connect with it. Whenever I hunted with it I never missed. Now, I had practiced a quick reload in case I needed a second shot, but I don't ever recall having to shoot twice. I don't know if it was because I subconsciencly knew that I was shooting a single shot and I had better make that first shot count, or if it kicked so hard that I didn't want to fire it any more than I absolutely had to.

Good Morning, Guy That Feeds Me!

I had a Lab/Golden Retriever dog that loved to have his ass scratched, and he wasn't abit bashful about it, either. He would back up up to you looking over his shoulder with this look of pure lust on his face. It looked perverted as hell, I got to admit.
One night I had gone out drinking tequila and Jack and beer and God only knows what else, and even before I woke up I knew I was horribly hung over, oh Lord I hurt, I was sick sick sick, somebody please kill me in my sleep and spare me the misery of waking up. I had passed out on the couch, half undressed. In my semi-conscience state, I began to stir, waking up Captain, who usually woke up in a pretty agreeable mood. This time, instead of coming over to get his ears scratched, he starts backing up to me to get his ass scratched. I opened my eyes and the first thing I saw was this big ol' brown-eye staring me right in the face from about 6 inches away. Then he farted, with that single gaseous emission, he put me down for an entire day. That is what saved his worthless ass, so he can be thankful for that. I was just too sick to run him down and beat him to death, and too hung over to shoot him.

45 ACP loading tip

For maximum case tension on jacketed bullets, you need to be careful to use a tight sizing die and the expander ball should not exceed .450" in diameter.
Also, because the 45 ACP headspaces on the case mouth, only a slight taper crimp should be used. If the dies you use have a roll crimp die, spend a few extra bucks and buy a taper crimp die.
Speaking of taper crimps, I use only enough crimp to keep the bullet in place while the handgun is recoiling. It takes a bit of time (and some shooting) to figure this out. Measure the first cartridge to go in the magazine with a quality (PLEASE don't scrimp when buying reloading equipment) caliper that measures down to .001", shoot all but that one cartridge, then remove it from the magazine and measure it again. You'll know when you got it right.

The munchies can be a bitch, you know

The two teenagers were arrested for public intoxication and possession of marijuana when they were found smoking a joint while sitting on the edge of the fountain in the town square. The arresting officer told them they were entitled to a phone call, since he was unable to reach either parent. Some time later, a man entered the station and the sergeant said, "I suppose you're the kids' lawyer."
"Nope," the man replied. "I'm just here to deliver them a pizza."


A guy walks into a shoe store and asks for a pair of size 8 tie shoes.
The salesman says, "But sir, I can see from up here that you're at least a size 11."
The guy says, "Just bring me a size 8 tie shoe."
The salesman brings them, the guy stuffs his feet into them , ties them tight, and then stands up in obvious pain.
The salesman has to ask, "Sir, why must you have these undersized shoes?"
He says to the salesman, "I lost my business and my house, I live with my mother-in-law, my wife is sleeping with my best friend, my daughter is pregnant, and my son is gay. The only pleasure I have in life is taking off these fucking shoes."

Mr. Compassion

Three guys were working on a high rise building project: Steve, Bill and Charlie. Steve falls off and is killed instantly. As the ambulance takes the body away, Charlie says, "Someone should go and tell his wife."
Bill says, "OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it."
2 hours later, he comes back carrying a 6-pack.
Charlie says, "Where did you get that, Bill?"
"Steve's wife gave it to me."
"That's unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you the beer?"
Bill says,"Well not exactly. When she answered the door, I said to her, 'You must be Steve's widow.'"
She said, "'No, I'm not a widow."
And I said, "Wanna bet me a six-pack?"

If you wanna play, you gotta pay

A certain zoo had acquired a very rare species of goat. Within a few weeks the goat, a female, became very ornery, and difficult to handle. Upon examination, the zoo veterinarian determined the problem: she was in heat. What to do? There was no male of this species available. While reflecting on their problem, the zoo administrators noticed Okie Mike, an employee responsible for cleaning the animals' cages.
Now Okie Mike, it was rumored, possessed ample ability to satisfy any female, and he wasn't very bright. So the zoo administrators thought they might have a solution. Perhaps they could entice Mike to satisfy the female goat. So he was approached with a proposition: would he be willing to screw the goat--for five hundred bucks?
Mike replied that he might be interested, but would have to think the matter over. The following day, Mike announced that he would accept their offer, but only under three conditions: "First," he said, "I don't want to have to kiss her," and "Second, I want nothing to do with any offspring that may result from this union."
The zoo administration quickly acceded to these conditions, but what could be the third?
"Well," said Mike, "You've gotta give me another week to come up with the five hundred bucks."

Camel Toe Heaven

White Trash wedding party

Sunday dinner at the North Pole

This made my eyes hurt

Down but not out

Too cool not to share

Sonora Pass

Now how Okie is this shit?

Multi talented

This is gonna hurt

Thursday, September 11, 2008

That's whatcha get for being nosey

A guy is walking past a big wooden fence at the insane asylum and he hears all the residents inside chanting,"Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!"
Quite curious about this, he finds a hole in the fence, and looks in. Someone inside pokes him in the eye.
Then everyone inside the asylum starts chanting, "Fourteen! Fourteen! Fourteen!"


The Lone Ranger and Tonto had been riding down the trail all day. When they had stopped to take a rest Tonto placed his ear to the ground and listened.
"Buffalo come," remarked Tonto.
"How can you tell, Tonto?" asked the Lone Ranger.
"Face sticky."

Nice doggie

Two guys are walking down the street and see a dog on the lawn licking his balls. One guy says to the other, " Man, I sure wish I could do that."
The other guy says, "Don't you think you ought to pet him first?"

Calling it what it is

As the airliner pushed back from the gate, the flight attendant gave the passengers the usual information regarding seat belts, etc. Finally, she said "Now sit back and enjoy your trip while your captain, Judith Campbell, and crew take you safely to your destination."
Marvin, sitting in the eighth row thought to himself, "Did I hear her right; is the captain a woman? I think I better have a whiskey and water."
When the attendants came by with the drink cart, he said, "Did I understand you right? Is the captain a woman?"
"Yes," said the attendant. "In fact, this entire crew is female."
"My God," said Marvin, "I'd better have two whiskeys and water. I don't know what to think of all those women up there in the cockpit."
"That's another thing," said the attendant. "We no longer call it the cockpit. Now it's the box office."

Howdy, Stranger

Summer, 1988
We pulled into the parking lot of Shoreline amphitheatre for a Dead show when this car pulls up next to us.
"Quick, open your door", this girl yells to Dave. Dave opens his door, the other car opens both of their left side doors, and this chick jumps out into this little closed off space that it forms, and grabbing ahold of Dave's hand for support, she squats and starts to piss. Just as her bladder lets go (the point of no return), she looks up at Dave's smiling face and realizes she doesn't know who in the hell this guy is.
Nothing like a Grateful Dead show.

Mushrooms, doobies, and fog

I used to live on some graze land that was surrounded by several thousand acres of rice paddies and when it got foggy out there, it flat out got foggy. No bullshit. You couldn't see a fucking thing. Me and my tight Brother Dave would eat a bunch of magic mushrooms, wait until we was getting off real good, then head out to the back pasture. Once there, we would smoke a fattie for good measure, then we'd spin ourselves around in circles until we could barely stand up. After that, we would try to find our way home in the technicolor fog. Sometimes it took hours. As a matter of fact, if it wasn't for the barbed wire fences dividing the sections, we might've never made it home. We'd wander around aimlessly until we hit a fence then follow it. The worst we could do was end up back in the same place (not that we'd recognize it in the fog) but I spliced those damned fences so many times I knew them intimately.

Happy Birthday Mickey!

Happy 65th (!!!) birthday to Mickey Hart (left), who with Billy Kreutzmann (right) made up the drum team of The Grateful Dead.