Wednesday, April 15, 2009

40 things every drunk should in his lifetime

1.) Open and close a bar.
2.) Go on a bender.
3.) Drink a fifth of hard liquor, by yourself, in one day.
4.) Dance like a fool in front of a large hooting crowd.
5.) Spend a night in the drunk tank.
6.) Get drunk on the grave of your hero.
7.) Buy a crowded bar a round.
8.) Embark on an impromptu road trip.
9.) Get 86’d from a bar.
10.) Extravagantly overtip a bartender.
11.) Walk up to an attractive stranger way out of your league and buy him or her a drink.
12.) Conspire an afterhours at your favorite bar.
13.) Make your best friend a perfect martini.
14.) Buy, build or steal a home bar.
15.) Get carried home by your drinking buddies.
16.) Get drunk with your father.
17.) Fight a good fight.
18.) Visit the source of your favorite beer, wine or liquor.
19.) Drunkenly watch the sun come up with your best boozing buddies and a bottle.
20.) Sit in on an A.A. meeting.
21.) Hit a dozen bars in one night.
22.) Try at least one hundred different drinks.
23.) Get loaded in the land of your forefathers.
24.) Juice on the job.
25.) Split a magnum of expensive champagne with your true love.
26.) Give a hobo twenty bucks.
27.) Get loaded and tell your boss exactly how you feel.
28.) Send a friend a bottle of good liquor.
29.) Eat a pickled egg from the big jar.
30.) Go on a fishing trip with your pals.
31.) Eat the worm.
32.) Learn at least one traditional drinking song.
33.) Steal some booze.
34.) Spend half a paycheck on a single bottle of liquor.
35.) Start your long-awaited and very personal autobiography: Me and the Booze: A Love Story. 36.) Try absinthe.
37.) Watch the movie Barfly with five of your closest friends.
38.) Work at least a week as a bartender.
39.) Make your own beer, wine or moonshine.
40.) Go to your place of worship loaded.

Fuck, I've done 32 of these. I got some catching up to do......


Lula said...

Woo hoo-26 down, 14 to go!

nonamedufus said...

Usually do 29 when I do 30 cause the only thing I ever catch is a case of Corona! How ya doin Wirecutter?

curtislowe said...

Oh, shit, I thought I was a slacker when I stopped counting at 35 - then I read your comment...Mebbe I ought to slow down and pace myself???