Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Doin' my civic duty

Okay, today I had to report for jury duty. Now as anti-government as I am lately (since November, anyways) I know I should've told them to stick their jury duty up their ass, but I gotta tell you, I don't have a problem with serving on a jury. For one thing, a trial by jury is guaranteed by our Bill of Rights.
That's minor shit, though. The real reason I didn't try to get out of it is: My daily commute is 70 miles round trip, me leaving the house at 5 AM and getting home around 6 PM, and that's after running non-stop all fucking day. With jury duty, my boss pays me my full wage, my commute is 4 minutes, it's from 10 AM to 4 PM with an hour and a half for lunch. I sit on my ass all day and I get to fuck somebody - either the defendant or the District Attorney, I don't care which as long as I have a part in it.
I put on a long sleeved shirt, slicked back my hair, shaved and washed behind my ears then headed down to do my civic duty. I parked in my usual spot when I have to go downtown and reported in. I read my book and drank iced tea until noon, then walked the block and a half to my truck and found a fucking parking ticket under my wiper. What the fuck? And I noticed the car with the Obama sticker next to mine had one too. I looked to my left and noticed for the first time the new 1 hour parking sign. Then another one to my right. I didn't even notice them when I parked, and apparently the dummycrat next to me didn't notice them either.
I was a bit dismayed, but what can I say? I had my head up my ass, and I'll pay the 30 bucks. But there's no reason for both me and the idiot parked next to me to both have a fucked up day so I did him a favor, took the ticket off his windshield and threw it away. What he doesn't know won't hurt him.........
Anyways, I went back after lunch, found a different place to park, read for a while and then got picked for a jury. THEY ACTUALLY PICKED ME!!!!!! Dumbasses! Wait 'til I stroll in tomorrow in a T-shirt and a chew in my mouth smelling like tonight's beer.
So now, I'm off work until Tuesday or Wednesday of next week, get to sleep in 'til 7 in the morning and get to participate in a 12 way fucking. And there's a actually a couple of nice looking ladies my age on the jury, too.
Excuse me, my beer is getting warm.
-Juror #3

8 comments:

Just John said...

My wife got a jury summons not too long ago...It was mailed to our FPO address. You'd think the dumbshits would realize that we live just a wee bit outside the county when they have to mail that shit to another country.

wirecutter said...

Yeah, I got one about 30 years ago mailed to my APO. My CO wouldn't give me leave to go serve.....

ErnestThing said...

Congrats on your selection! My boss doesn't pay for Jury Duty, so if I ever get picked, I get compensated a whopping $18 a day PLUS 30 cents mileage. For Southern California that barely covers lunch!

I do wish I was financially stable enough to take the pay hit and sit on a jury though. If I were on trial, I'd want someone like me up there.

Oh yeah, you ARE a fully informed juror, right? :) http://fija.org/

Lula said...

Sweet deal!

YOLO said...

glad you got picked Ken, it can be interesting. In 15 yrs. i have been jury summoned 4 different times! the judge at the last summons said that maybe i should go out and buy a lottery ticket. Then i end up on at least half of the cases too. Wish i would have gotten paid, boss doesn't pay out for jury duty. Have an interesting time

Will said...

I never got one sent to my FPO or my APO while i was in AIT getting my MOS for NCOS but one time i thought i caught an STD while performing a PMCS on my POV....OK, this is probably only funny to me now but i was in the army so i understand enough for it to be funny....anyways, enjoy the ride bud!

Tattoo Jim said...

You shaved??? What the fuck for???

wirecutter said...

So I could get picked! I needed to at least appear to be semi respectable. But don't worry, I kept the goatee, just scraped my cheeks and neck.