Sunday, September 20, 2009

Well, shit.

Okay, I don't know how the fuck this happened but somehow I've managed to pick up a spare Evil Cat.
Over the past couple of months, there's been this mangy white and black spotted cat hanging out around my front yard, napping in my weedbed, shitting in my ivy and generally being the vagrant lazy fucker I wish I could be.
I've tried running him/her off, chucking rocks at it, and kicking at it when I caught it lounging on my porch. Tonight when I headed out for a night of carousing and tomcatting (no pun intended) the stupid motherfucker actually came up and rubbed against my leg.
I hate cats.
So I fed it.

10 comments:

Deb said...

Soul-sucking creatures, those cats. Once they rub against your leg, they own you.

Tattoo Jim said...

You know, they taste just like... BACON! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA... chicken my ass... just don't let that think in the house... it'll want to sleep with you before you know it... Deb's right, it'll steal your soul while you sleep...

Sir Richard said...

Deb is right about that. Every time a cat rubs on you like that they spray a mist of piss, thereby marking their territory. BB guns work real good on cats...just sayin'...

badgirl33 said...

too late...

Pete said...

Good man ;)

YOLO said...

Pussy whipped you are!!!!

og said...

"So I fed it"

To the woodchipper. There, I fixed it for you.

ibeam said...

Sorry bro, I am a cat lover. When I lived in NYC, i had six of those fuckers living with me, in my over priced, five story walk up, one bedroom dump in the Lower East Side. All for the tune of 975 a month. And that was in the early 90s. Now my old apt goes for about 2 grand a month. Anyway, cats are cool. They only love you if they actually DO love you.

wirecutter said...

Thanks, Og.
I was thinking "to the bulldog" but the woodchipper sounds like more fun.

wirecutter said...

Ibeam, this makes 3 Evil Cats for me - 2 inside and one outside. I wouldn't have any if my ex hadn't left them here.
The oldest Evil Cat is retarded and I just can't take her to the pound and the main Evil Cat is so fucking mean that I can't help but admire her.