Saturday, December 19, 2009

The Rolling Fucking Stones

I hate the Rolling Stones. I don't just hate the Stones, I violently hate the Stones. Don't ask me why, I can't tell you. I can remember when I was a kid and all the other fuckers were going ga-ga over them, I was gagging over 'em. I know that sounds strange coming from somebody that was a teenager in the 70s but what can I say.
I will freely admit that it's Jagger that I despise. I hate his skinny body, I hate his thick fucking lips, I hate his faggy haircut, I hate the way he dances, I hate his voice, but most of all I hate his fucking high and mighty attitude. And as long as the rest of the band lets him sing for them, I'm hating them too, the pussies.
Let me tell you how much I hate the Stones:
I can be going down the road with the radio down so low that YOU can't hear it and if a Stones song comes on I'll start cussing and turn it off. That ain't bad for somebody that has more than a 50% hearing loss.
I will boycott radio stations that play the Stones. Thank God for CD players.
If I'm in your vehicle and a Stones song comes on and you refuse to change the station, you better stop the truck because I'm bailing out.
If I see a Stones CD in your truck, you just lost it. It's going airborne. Sure, I'll pay you for it but that one's history.
If I'm channel surfing and accidentally catch a glimpse of that fucking punk Jagger's face, my TV screen will get slammed with a beer can.
If I'm at your house and you want me to leave, put the Stones on. I will walk out immediately. You can deliver my coat to me at a later date because I will never grace your doorway with my presence again.
What's really funny is that I have nothing but respect for Keith Richards who is an absolutely brilliant guitarist, but put him with Jagger and the shit is on.
Fuck, I'm getting fired up just writing about them.