Friday, July 16, 2010

Monkey Butt

Okay, check this shit out.
It was 107 today and I just got home after a 10 hour stint in the warehouse with a serious case of Monkey Butt - you know, when your ass is all red and swollen like a baboons' ass.
When you're a baby, it's called diaper rash, when you're an adult, it's Red Ass or Monkey Butt. You know the symptoms: Your ass is sweaty, it's red, it burns, and you're walking all spraddle-legged. You drive home with your zipper down hoping for some relief.
That's some fucked up shit.
But don't despair. Your ol' buddy Wirecutter has a cure.
First, take a hot shower and wash your nasty butt. Then turn off the hot water, turn around and bend over and let that cold motherfucking water run down your butt crack. That'll close the pores faster than my door when the Mormons knock.
Then rub in some diaper rash cream. Use whatever you want, but the one I use is Boudreaux's Butt Paste. I use it for 2 reasons. #1, it works wonders and #2, you gotta love the name.
Okay. I hope this helps. And can you name another blog that you can find shit like this?