Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Hog heaven

I don't eat chocolate at all and damned little sugar. As a matter of fact there is no white sugar whatsoever in my house - can't remember the last time I bought some - and the only brown sugar I have is for making barbecue sauces and shit like that.
It's not that I'm a health nut, it's just that I don't have a sweet tooth. Chocolate runs right through me and sodas are so sickening sweet they almost gag me. I'll eat a slice of cake or pie on the holidays but that's just about it.
My special treats are avocados. I love them motherfuckers chunked into a bowl, covered in cottage cheese and lightly salted and peppered. At times, depending on the season, I just can't afford them especially when they're running 2 bucks apiece.
Today I was at the Savemart and saw a display of large avocados for that price. Then I walked around to the other side and there were Haas avocados at 2 for a dollar and I'll be damned if they weren't the same size!
So here I sit, burpin' and fartin', after finishing off a nice bowl of creamy avocados and cottage cheese. It almost makes up for the fucked up way my day started.


FuckObama said...

Avacado's are good.... but only in guacamole.

Reminds me of the time when I was young. On 4th of July, we spent it at one of my Dad's old friends. Naturally, there were hot dogs and hamburgers, but in addition there was also home-made ice cream.

We had brought our ice cream maker and my dad was making his favorite which was banana ice cream. His friend had two ice cream makers going so us kids thought we were in hog heaven that 4th with 3 whole gallons of ice cream to eat.

My dad's banana ice cream was delicious as usual. His friend opened up one of the tubs and he had made strawberry ice cream. Incidentally, strawberry is my personal favorite.

So what was in the last maker? All of us kids crowded around when he opened it up..... then it seemed like all of the kids took a step back at the exact same moment. The ice cream was "Green". So what was the flavor? My dad's friend proudly proclaimed that he had made Avocado ice cream.

Didn't sound real good, but I was young and didn't really know what an avocado was, so I went up and got a bit of the Avocado ice cream and tried it out. Yes, I was the "mikey kid", the one who'll eat anything.

I scooped my spoon into the avocado ice cream and slowly brought it up to my lips. The other kids were all watching intently and I swear they had all stopped breathing. Being the show-off clown of a kid that I was, I got the spoon to my lips and stopped, then I grinned. My cousin damn near passed out at that point. I opened my mouth wide and shoved the spoon in.

At first, it was cold as ice cream is wont to do. But then the taste hit! I spat out the ice cream and hollared, "I need some water, that shit is nasty".

Needless to say, my mom snatched me up about 1/2 second later and marched me around the side of the house and blistered my butt but good. I didn't care about the butt-whupping, I just wanted the nasty taste out of my mouth.

Turns out the avocado ice cream was so bad, that my dad's friends dog who loved ice cream wouldn't even eat it.

So take your fucking avocado's and really shove them!!!

wirecutter said...

Ruined ya to avocados for good, did it?
That was a funny story. Thanks!

Aewl said...

No problem, just part of growing up in the south. Lots of funny things happened.

Yeah, I still hate avocado.

Bella said...

Wirecutter, I think you may be pregnant. That's what I craved when I was, many moons ago.