Wednesday, November 10, 2010

I knew I was good for something.

Tomorrow is my folks' 52nd wedding anniversary
I remember when I was 15 I got to adding up the difference in months between their anniversary and my birthday and came up with 8.
So I asked Mom how come she never mentioned that I was premature. She got embarrassed and said that I wasn't but there was an explanation - Dad was in the army and headed for a tour in France for 2 years, her dad wouldn't let them marry but if she got pregnant then Bud wouldn't have any choice but to consent......
All I could think of was "You shameless little slut."
So every anniversary I remind them that they owe me BIG. I'm the reason they got married and to remember that shit when they write their wills. Then they remind me that the only reason they stayed together was because of the kids. Namely me because I'm the only one that's still alive and/or sane.
Then I remind them that the kids are 51 (me) and 46 (my nutcase brother) years old. Then they remind me of my dead sisters' kids that they raised and barely out of the house and now it's cheaper for them to stay together than it is to split up even though they hate each other.
Who are they kidding? They love each other and are probably still fucking even at 70 years old. After all, we've already established that Mom is kinda sorta loose.
Not that they have anything to leave me when they die anyways.....