Tuesday, December 07, 2010

Bless you, my son

Hey, we all work with religious folks, right? Whether they be Christian, Jew, muslim, Hindu, whatever, we all have somebody that immediately pops into our minds. It may be because they attempt to live a Better Way, maybe because they belong to some weird-ass cult, maybe because they've tried to talk to you about their faith.
Whatever. That's light shit, man. Let me tell you about our Jesus freak at work.
This motherfucker is fruitloops. He has this crazed look in his eye and weird little smile and eat, breathes, and sleeps his Lord Jesus. Every conversation revolves around Jesus. He will approach you at work and start preaching. He came up to me once and with fucking tears in his eyes told me that Jesus loves me. I told him to get the fuck out of my way. Short conversation.....
Anyways, he leaves work and stands on corners waving signs urging you to repent. No shit. People have seen him.
He wears T-shirts with messages like REPENT OR PERISH in huge capital letters. Makes me feel like I'm being yelled at.
He likes to jump up at the end of union meetings and start preaching.
He prays out loud while he's taking a dump. That seems kinda disrespectful to me.
He goes to concerts like Metallica and Ozzy - not for the show but to stand in front of the venue with a megaphone telling people that they're going to hell.
Get the picture? If not, check out what the motherfucker drives........

I'm telling you, this dude is extreme. This is the guy you'd expect to nut up at work and kill 8 Mexicans, 1 white guy and a mullato which is pretty much the racial balance there.
He is so devout that if this fucker was muslim, he'd be jihading the dogshit out of everybody. He'd be the masked man holding up a severed head, he'd be the one flying airplanes into shit, he'd be the suicide bomber at a day care.


Deb said...

We have those screamers here in Maine that stand outside of Wal-Mart on weekends shaking their signs SCREAMING at cars passing by that we're all going to hell (those of us in the cars, not themselves...of course) to burn in great pain and agony for all of eternity.

But, to quote the infamous George Carlin, "Jesus loves you."

rpm2day said...

Worked with one before (when he was fun) and then after he became "Born Again", and a real pain in the ass to work with.
And to quote George Carlin's take on God, "they all come in on my one day off!".

Bella said...

I worked with one of those nutters too. Took his breaks by himself in the cable shed and did the swami swami shit and then came back in and preached. The only time that the forklift had a malfunction, it almost hit much for luck.

drjim said...

Yeah, I worked with one, too. He got about half the shop "converted", and things got real interesting. We got a call one day from a good customer, jokingly asking about some of the literature that was included in the last shipment of test equipment we sent them. Turns out these nut-jobs were putting in those little J.T. Chick 'comic books' that are all full of fire-and-brimstone as they figured it was their "duty" to try and spread the word to us heathens. Man, the plant manager hit the roof! It took myself and the other Engineer to calm him down and stop him from firing and physically throwing the whole lot of them off the site!

MauserMedic said...

Send him to me in Kabul. It'll be entertaining to watch what happens.

Sarah said...

I'm a Christian, but nobody wants to hear Jesus stuff twenty-four hours a day. Even I wanna talk about football or rifles or cooking or something else.

VC said...

Someone I had to deal with regularly was like this.
When she said "Jesus Loves You" I replied - He loves earthworms and child molesters too so I try not to get a big head about it.

Shut her up forever.

Monteone said...

How ironic the wife and I went to a Ozzy concert last night in Grand Rapids Mi. And there was a guy doing that shit there telling me I was gonna burn in hell,I replied at leasts its fucking warm! He then moved on and left me alone.

longrooffan said...

What a pain in the ass these people are. There is a God and man, is she pissed off. I once answered the door to greet a pair of college boys in black pants and white shirts, toting a Bible and did the best flaming gay, come on in let's have a glass of wine flamer I could. They bolted!!

As an aside, based on the sentence structure on the side of his car, it appears Jesus saves while being in Hell as opposed to saving from Heaven. Just saying.

Oh Yeah, just because I haven't seen it yet today.

Fuck Obama.

Tattoo Jim said...

I worked with a Jehovah's Witness... enough said... however, an AMEN to longrooffan!!! FUCK OBAMA!!!!!