Saturday, December 11, 2010

I crashed and burned, man.

I don't take the paper because I'm usually gone before it gets here, so I buy it from a paper machine and read it at work
Anyways, Woody brought me in an ad from the BassPro from Sundays' paper, knowing I didn't see it already.
I go into the locker room where I spend my lunch and breaks reading, I open the pages to the ad and see my Christmas present.
Yes, I know this is off their webpage. I lost the ad already.

A camouflaged bed set! Fuck yeah! What woman could resist this?
I get my ass out the fucking door and headed to the BassPro in Manteca, a few miles up the road. I walk in knowing that there's only 2 things I'm after - a camouflaged bed set and some Hornady Vmax in 22-250. The bedding is on the first floor for sure and the ammo is upstairs. Easier to carry a couple of boxes of ammo downstairs than lug all that other shit out to the truck and then go back for ammo, so I head up the Stairs of Financial Despair where they keep all the gun and hunting shit.
I grab the last 3 boxes of Vmax off the shelf, wander over to check if there's any new coyote calls. There isn't, but as I'm heading to the stairs, this gorgeous ass goes bouncing by and leads me to the hunting clothing where she meets her husband and I suddenly remember that I could use some new camo thermals so I chase down a salesbabe and ask where they are. Downstairs, naturally and she's not even sure if they have 'em in camo. I turn around to leave and come face to face with a rack of camo bib overalls. Fuck. Gotta have camo bibs, man.
So I grab a pair and head out to go downstairs and I see a camo thinslate facemask. Need one. Got one. Then I remembered that CharlieGodammit loves them $6.99 bag of rawhide chews, so instead of hanging a hard right and going downstairs like a sane man would, I make the mistake of going right back into the hunting gear. I find the chews and also this asskicking little 2' x 12' ground blind. That might come in handy so I snatch one of them. Wait, wait. How much 4Buck do I have? It seems like I'm running low, better grab some. Scent Killer!!!! Godammit, I'm out of Scent Killer. It's right over there, ooooh, three for $25. Save me 75 cents in the long run there. Bam, it's mine.
Okay, by this time shit is falling out of my arms left and right. I need to get the fuck out of here NOW before I buy a fucking boat or something. Fuck, I only came in for 2 things! I stagger up the the cash register and dump all this gotta-have-it stuff up there. One Hundred Eighty Seven Motherfucking Dollars later.......
I haul all that shit out to my truck cursing Woody and BassPro and suddenly remember that I forgot to even look at the bed sets.......