Friday, January 28, 2011

Please Mr. Wolfer, come keel kayates.

So I'm coming home the other day and I get a phone call from a Portagee lady with a real heavy accent saying her dairy is overrun with kayates, they've been scarfing her chickens, she was pissed as hell and that she needed a wolfer to come clear them out.
Okay, it's the first time I've ever been called a wolfer, but she has 300 acres with coyotes so she can call me her li'l bitch if she wants.
I drive the 40 miles north and get there about 10 this morning to check her property out. It's dairy up front and fields in the back. 275 motherfucking acres of field that has just been cut for silage.
After she shows me around and I make friends with the resident dogs, I grab my shotgun and rifle and wander around looking at the tracks in the mud and fields. She wasn't lying. Tracks were everywhere and at least one of the kayates was huge - I swear, its' track was as long as my index finger. None of her dogs was that big, so either it was a monster kayate or she has a feral dog running with the pack.
Anyways, I made a couple of sets with no luck (middle of the day kayate hunting sucks) and then her husband Manual pulls up and tells me to choot dem dam kayates, he's tired of hearing Rosa bitch about her chickens. Told me to come early in the morning, they sit up on his silage pile and watch him work.
Okay, I went home and took care of some shit, then got bored and drove back out there around dusk. I parked near the truck scales because that was the only lit area around, grabbed my shotgun and headed out to do a couple of sets on a brushline, leaving my rifle in the open gun case in the back of the truck. I didn't see or hear shit - no big thing, Manuel told me it was an early morning trip.
After it got so fucking dark and foggy I couldn't see, I headed back up to the truck. Okay. It doesn't bother me a bit to get skunked, it happens all the time. And I've been in a slump anyways. No big deal. But what pisses me the fuck off is when I got within sight of the truck, I look up and there's a motherfucking kayate in the back of the truck taking a piss on my kayate rifle. IN THE BACK OF MY TRUCK!!!!!!
And what makes it worse is that I'm loaded with buckshot so dropping him there wasn't an option. Then the little bastard flipped me a bird, jumped out keeping himself between me and the herd and then wandered nonchalantly through the corral, laughing his ass off.


Anonymous said...

Reminds me of the bear hunt when the bear ate your trail mix!

wirecutter said...

Oh shit, I had forgotten about that one.

orbitup said...

Oh it's on!!

Skip said...

Why is it that the guy that stays back as the camp cook always gets his buck, in camp.

drjim said...

Go nail that sucker next time!
Sounds like a found a perfect place to bag some coyote.

wirecutter said...

That sucker ruined my gun case and 12 bucks worth of camo gun wrap. Thank God the rifle stock is synthetic and he missed the scope.

Lula said...

Oh god that made me laugh! That coyote has some frickin nerve! Hope he's watching his back now, the bastard!