Friday, March 04, 2011

And I wonder why I don't have any friends

One of my partners kicks me a FWD video a little bit ago. I didn't watch it yet, I didn't see any xxx in the title, so it could wait. Besides, I never got past the addresses.
Every fucking one of them was to guys we work with, plus a few I can add.
Hey, we've all known and worked and partied with each other for the past 20 years, damned near.
In other words, Greg was fair game.
Now I love Greg (The Whiney Lil Bitch) who almost had his legs cut off in a Harley/Volkswagen (snicker) accident a few years back and snivels about it to this day. I mean, I know it must've smarted some, but give it a rest, Brother. Concentrate on that ugly ass tattoo you refuse to get covered.... or at least finished.
Excuse me. I am lightly buzzed and my mind has wandered.
So anyways.
Even though I kinda like Greg, he ain't real smart sometimes and he can't blame the bike accident for that. He was wearing a helmet plus he was born ignorant.
Anyways, He hasn't quite figured out how to cut-n-paste or download or upload. Hell, I ain't even sure he knows how to open his cell phone.
So when he forwards something, he forwards the whole fucking thing.
So as I'm looking for something anything that might be interesting I see a message from Janie:

Blah blah blah, thought you'd get a kick blah blah.
Janie
(916) xxx-3495

So I kick a quickie back to Greg - as a "reply all":

Who's Janie? Does she take it up the ass? How old is she? Is she really a she or one of them he/shes or one of them he-wannabe-shes? Is she white? Is she rich? What about FFM action? While she films it? How about minor BDSM? Torture? Cuddling and holding hands? Can she skin a coyote? How about suckin' toes - mine, not the coyotes?
Must be clean and sober, can't handle drama.
-Ken

Fuck. After I thought about it, I remember that Greg has sisters and several firearms. I can outrun Greg any old day but maybe not a 30.06. And the 916 area code is just up the road. Is Janie (who's probably bisexual) his fucking sister? I mean, he probably gets most of his email from his family because I don't think he's got a lot of friends.....
So I fire off another one to cover my ass to let him know it was in jest.

Hey is Janie your fucking sister? Oh, man, I am so sorry. I didn't mean to talk shit about her but I was just wondering, you know.
Is she fat? Does she have big titties? Can she skin a coyote? How about teeth and facial tattoos? Either/or is fine.

So. It's like almost midnight here and I'm sure he's been blacked out for at least an hour now. This is good. He won't see this shit until tomorrow afternoon sometime when he recovers but before he goes under again for the evening. But when he does see it he'll be in a really foul mood so his answers will be vicious but predictable. He'll either talk shit about my mother, my sister, or me. Plus he'll tell me "Oh, it's on now, motherfucker."
I'll post his replies when I get 'em. Should be about Monday.

2 comments:

YOLO said...

LOL, you seriously need an agent kenny, your writing is fantastic ;)))) love it

Niki said...

I see you have quit asking if a girl has false teeth and if their mouth can fit over a door knob.