Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Hey, I need to know. Quick.

I was fucked up and bored which is a bad combination where I'm concerned.
I remember having a question about my pension, so I called the Western Conference of Teamsters for a snappy answer.
The woman that answered the phone was cheery and polite and wanted to know how she could help me.
"Yeah, hey. This here's Kenny Lane, Local 439, SSN is xxx-xx-xxxx and I gotta question about my pension."
"Well, go ahead Mr. Lane. I'll try to help you as best as I can."
"First off, it ain't mister. I answer to Kenny or Chico the Slot. But I'm fixin' to retire in about 3-4 years and I was wondering if I can collect my pension in the penitentiary?"
"Beg your pardon, Sir?"
"Kenny or Chico the Slot. Not sir or mister. Can I collect my pension in the joint?" I was trying to be patient.
"I'm sorry, are you wondering if you can collect your pension while incarcerated? In custody? Is that correct, Mr. - I mean Kenny?"
"Yeah. State or Federal pen, I ain't sure yet but my luck's bound to run out sooner or later and I'm gonna need bucks for commissary shit."
L-o-n-g motherfucking silence.
"Kenny? I have to say this is the first time anybody has ever asked us that. I'll have to check. Can I call you back?"
"You bet" I said and gave her my number then hung up, giggling..
I'm still waiting on that call and it's been 5 days now. Wait until Friday and I call her back......