Wednesday, March 16, 2011

I was on a roll tonight

Today was Idiot Day at the Savemart. I know this because I was there while they were having the run-offs.

Idiot #1 was trying to tell a butcher that he wanted beef bacon. Beef bacon....... I wasn't going near that one. I didn't need an assault charge. Besides, he was in one of them electric scooters.

Idiot #2 was in the deli line and talking on his phone when I rounded the corner. The first thing I noticed was his apparel - Spiderman Tshirt, hat on backwards, cargo shorts to show off the tattoo (Oooh, he must be tough, he has a tattoo) on his leg and little bootie socks that babes wear. When I got close I could hear his conversation - "You better tell your brother to back off, Susan, before I go talk with him."
I started laughing.
He glares at me and yells "YOU! DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM?"
Me? ME??? Who in the fuck are you to be talking to me like that?
So I turned around and said "Yeah. You're a pussy. What are you gonna do about that? Call my fucking sister and whine? Be a man and go kick her brothers' ass."
Everybody within earshot cracked up and Tough Guy went somewhere else for his tofu sandwich.

And finally, Idiot #3. I'm in line and there's 2 women (I think) and a guy (again, I think) ahead of me. Between the 3 of them there are 8 different shades of hair color, approximately 27 piercings and maybe one job.
So I'm in line behind them listening to Mr. Cool talk shit to his 2 women (I think) and thanking God I don't have to wake up next to something like that.
They pay for their shit and stop by the door for lotto tickets, so by the time I get my business done I'm dead off on their heels. As I'm walking behind them towards my truck, the guy (I think) sees my Lanes' Predator Control sign on my tailgate, reads it aloud and suggests to his lady (I think) friends, "Hey, lets call this guy and fuck with him! We can do this all night long."
I tapped him on the shoulder and said "I got a better idea. I'm right here, motherfucker. Why don't you fuck with me face to face?"
The expression on his face was priceless......