Monday, March 14, 2011

Mondays suck

CharlieGodammit barks once as is his habit so I get up and let him out.
He trots the perimeter of his yard to see if anything needs killing then heads back in to the house without pissing, shitting or anything.
2 minutes later he barks again. This time he pulls up short next to the camper shell and starts nosing around. He scoots into the shell and comes out with a kitten. Just about the time I start hollering "NO!" and run towards him, this pissed-off mama cat comes flying from behind the lemon tree, lands on his back and starts kicking the shit out of him.
My wolfdog is running full bore for the back door, freaked out with a wild motherfucking mama cat hanging on for dear life looking like a bull rider on the back of Little Yellow Jacket.
CGD hits the door, rounds the corner and heads for the breakfast nook trying to scrape that demon of his back.
No joy there. The table goes to pieces.
Then the motherfucker heads towards my bedroom with a cat on his back that is spraying cat piss everywhere. Luckily (I think) the door is closed. He bounces off that and heads for the reloading room. He pulls up short there (he ain't allowed in there), blows a U-turn, then hooks it back towards the back door.
Now, my Main Evil Cat decides to get involved. She also jumps on the back of CGD, not to kick his ass but to fight with the other cat. CGD now has two of the devils on his back fighting with each other. He's hauling ass. He heads for the garage with me hot on his heels so I can slam the door behind him. Now the only escape route he has is through his hole in the wall which is just big enough for him to squeeze through and I'm hoping he'll scrape both of them cats off his back on his way out.
No such luck.
The stupid motherfucker goes everywhere but out through his hole. I can hear shit clanging and banging over the dog/catfight everywhere as it's getting knocked over.
He finally pusses out and shoots out of the hole, runs for the house and cowers next to my chair.
My garage is fucking destroyed. I have welders, a welding table and my 30 gallon compressor on its' side. My chop saw is off the bench and on the floor. Shit that I had stored along the back wall is now stored all over the floor.
The kitten that started all this? It was busy getting it's butt licked by CharlieGodammit when I walked back into my house shaking my head in disbelief.
I can't believe he held onto it through all that shit.


Phillip said...

It's amazing the shit some guys will go through for a little pussy.

sonnyjdean said...


wirecutter said...

I know, Sonny. That was my first thought when I saw my garage. And all that took place within 45 seconds.

davecydell said...

Obama, MENA, Japan, I forgot all about them thanks to CGD.

steve tompkins said...

I close my eyes, I can actually see this, like watching a scene in a movie.

Hog Whitman said...

That's a great story. I hope the kitten is okay. Maybe him and CGD can become friends.

My kitten just decided today to sneak up behind me and paw my buttcrack while I was wiping my ass. I've never felt that exact sensation before.

Can't remember if I ever posted this before, butt this is my actual kitten and my actual dog. When they're not sleeping, they're constantly beating the shit out of each other.