Thursday, April 21, 2011

Fucking asshole......

I just now walked out on my front porch and noticed something was a little different.
Some sorry motherfucker stole my dead grandmothers' plant.
Grandma Audrey gave that plant to me and my ex years and years ago and I don't even know what kind it was and yes, I've taken cuttings from it, but that was the original fucking plant.
It was probably stolen last night - I leave for work an hour before coyote dawn so I wouldn't have noticed it then - because my pscho neighbor would've called me at work asking what I wanted done with the corpse if it been stolen during the day.
So now my pickup is parked in the backyard and me and my wolfdog are hoping they'll come back tonight for the other ones while we're sitting here with the lights off.
And I'm hitting the Modesto Flea Market on Monday looking for it. If I find it, the motherfucker will give it back or I'm gonna cause more damage than he could ever hope to get for the plant. And yes, I'm willing to go to jail for it. That was the only thing I got from her besides tons of love.
Fuck, that put me in a foul mood - just how I wanted to spend my vacation, trying to ambush a thief.

16 comments:

Bushwack said...

Okay bro, here's the plan... Go buy a new plant. Some POS took it and I doubt seriously he's going to be selling it at a swap meet. You may want to ride around your hood and check to see if someone is doing some landscaping. Other than that man, kick back relax drink a few beers and hope the Fucker that took dies from an anal infection...

Most likely the fucker wont come back to the scene for a day or two anyway.

wirecutter said...

Naw, I'm pissed. I ain't letting this go.
You should've seen what happened when I found my welder at the swap meet after my garage was broken into. It was ugly.
The plant was transplanted into a large spittoon, so they won't be able to re-pot it. I'll recognize it.
Fucking tweekers......

dhanna59 said...

Feel Good Story of the Day; I read in the Lamestream Media today that Modesto, CA is in the Top 20 "Most Miserable Cities in the US To Live". If you don't want your car stolen, don't park it on the streets of Modesto...Also, if you own a house there, you could never in your lifetime sell it for what it's worth(or what you paid)...I shit you not, I read it from a link on DRUDGE REPORT this morning.
Happy Trails, WIRECUTTER!

Deb said...

Some one took a...plant?? Who the hell steals plants? Maybe a pot plant, but not a potted plant. Maybe they wanted the spittoon and threw the plant out, which is a class A felony.

How does CGD do as a sniffer dog?

My money is on Rick. I bet he stole it.

wirecutter said...

Tell me about, D.
My house is worth exactly what I paid for it 15 years ago, unfortunately I had to refinance it to buy my ex out and less than 3 months later the housing market crashed. So now I owe $150,000 on a house worth $87,000.
And yeah, Modesto is the car theft capital of the United States. We can owe that to the Liberal Justice system we have - 6 months PROBATION for car theft. But luckily, it's mostly jap crap that gets ripped off. More reason to buy American.
Oh yeah. FUCK YOU!!!!
Hug your girls for me, Brother.

wirecutter said...

Tweekers, Deb. Probably from Barstow.

dhanna59 said...

America, America
Stand beside her,
And guide her,
With the light
that shines from above....

That light must've a crappy CFL that busted and contanimated the groundwater and got you a $5,000 fine...California EPA.

You keep tellin me to get fukked Ken, how many times I gotta tell you I'm trin' to quit?...

dhanna59 said...

PS- the top miseable city was BAKERSFIELD.

wirecutter said...

Luckily I laid in a goodly supply of 100 watt bulbs when I could.
Lady Liberty still shines on the Lane house.

dhanna59 said...

Yeah Ken, I know it does, and I Love You as a Band of Brothers... you are a fightin, killin, bodyslammin machine that i would love to see you in KILL MODE and the bodies hittin the flo'!!! With me of course, standin guard with my little stun gun and P-64!!!LMAO!

Foodstamps said...

When I was a little kid, jimmy carter opened up a section 8 housing development at the end of our street, and those fuckers used to steal our potted plants (and bikes, skateboards, etc.) all the time. It was pretty much common knowledge that fuckers like this DO very frequently sell them at flea markets and swap meets.

I'm a huge plant geek, Ken, and a lot of people like you and I get really attached to plants for lots of good reasons. Such a shitty thing to have happen. If you have other plants like it, email me a pic and I'll see if I can't tell you what it is!

Mr. Miracle said...

Tell you what...hook up the hot side of a 110 line to a metal screen, and put another plant in a metal pot in the same spot, with the neutral hooked to the pot. Put the screen in the appropriate spot, run the line inside and plug in to the same circuit your stereo is on. Put on your favorite Waylon cds, and play it loud. Go about your business, and when the music stops, run out and beat the shit out of the stunned thief lying on the ground smoking slightly from their ears. Afterward, pull the wires off, roll up screen, walk back inside, grab a beer and reset the breaker, and continue your vacation.

wirecutter said...

Right on, Stevie. I'll kick you a picture tomorrow after me and CGD wake up from our all-nighter.
I still can't believe somebody stole my grannys' plant, the motherfucker.

wirecutter said...

Quit putting ideas into my head, Mr Miracle.
The music stops, the shorty booms, Wirecutter gets life....
Maybe I should use a 22, huh? Not as loud.....

dhanna59 said...

Ruger Mk II target model, bull barrel, .22 cal. At one time was in SF inventory. I've had off-hand hits on a running rabbit at 30 yds. I've got two of them, one in a hidey-hole, one in my garage where the door is usually up when I'm home. If I can hit a runnin rabbit, I can damm sure hit a runnin coon!

wirecutter said...

I've owned one of those Rugers for years and is the most accurate handgun I have owned.