Wednesday, May 04, 2011

I need some serious redneck help here, Boys.

I don't remember how much I've posted about the problems I've been having with the motherfuckers across the street, but it's been some serious shit - they party over there every weekend and late (usually after midnight) they get out in the street screaming and yelling and raising hell which pisses me the fuck off. My home is where I go to relax, not to listen to a bunch of drunks that can't handle their alcohol being assholes.
So my response usually is to go out on the porch (lights out, no target for them) hit them with my LED maglight and tell them to shut the fuck up. Their answer to that is to start screaming threats. That's when I call the cops.
Me and their landlord get along real well, as a matter of fact his wife is a Pharmacy Tech where I get my presciptions filled for my BP and Crazy Man meds, so we stay in pretty close contact and they're well aware of the problems and promised to take care of it.
Ben texted me at work today and let me know that true to his word, he served them today with an eviction notice, but also gave me a heads up that fuckhead had posted on his facebook page that I was the one responsible for them getting the boot. Typical fucking youngsters, it wasn't their fault they got a notice, it was mine.
And being typical fucking youngsters, they don't have the balls to face me, that I know. As a matter of fact, when I came in from work tonight, their place was deserted - not a car in sight and seeing as 4 adults live there, that's pretty unusual. So naturally, I checked CGD to see if he was still alive and what his attitude was before I went into my home. He seemed cool, so I went in (cautiously, as usual) and everything was okay.
Like I said, these are youngsters I'm dealing with, not men. So my main concern is that they'll try to retaliate, but not face to face - break into my home when I'm at work, ambush me in the morning when it's dark and I'm walking to my truck, do a drive-by shooting or even worse, harm CGD. They know how much I love that fucker and how much he hates them. I can deal with them trying to deal with me and take the proper precautions, but I have no way in hell to keep them from hurting or poisoning my best bud except one.
I need to train that motherfucker to not eat anything in his yard. That's hard to do, seeing as I feed him outside and on pleasant evenings when I'm drinking outside I give him all kinds of treats when he's with me.
So tonight when I came in, I laid a doggie treat on the step and when he went for it, I told him no. He was cool with that. Not happy you understand, but he dealt with it. Then I gave him a treat inside the house. A little while later I threw some cheese (which he dearly loves) on the lawn. He went for it and I told him no again. A couple of seconds later, he tried again and I kicked him in the ribs. That hurt me more than it did him, I have never struck that wolfdog before.
A few minutes later, I went into the house and watched him from a shaded window. He wanted that cheese BAD, but he left it alone. An hour later, the cheese is still out there. Every once in a while, I'll lead him to it and tell him no again.
So I guess tomorrow I'll stop by the BassPro and buy a shock collar, then start chucking meat out into the yard when he can't see me do it and shock the shit out of him when he gets close to it.
I hate to resort to that but I honestly can't think of any other way to keep him from eating something in the yard.
I figure I have up to 60 days to train him. I don't think the fucking pussies will do anything as long as they're living there and Kalifornia law gives them that long before they have to vacate.
Breaking into my house? I have insurance. Ambush me and beat the fuck out of me? I've had my ass beat before. Do a drive-by? I doubt it but it could happen - I take precautions and I'll deal with it when and if it happens.
But fuck with my guardian and best friend? I'll go the joint over that one, motherfuckers.
Does anybody have any suggestions (other than the ones I mentioned) to protect CGD?
I'll know I successful when my psycho neighbor next door starts complaining about the smell of rotting meat and will I please dump that corpse in the river or something.