Monday, July 04, 2011

I'm hers. It's true.

So I was on vacation last week which was a bit of a surprise to me - I thought I was off the week after the 4th, not the week before which really fucked up my plans - I caught the 1st Quarter moon instead of the Full moon on the 14th. Don't ask me why I scheduled my vacation that way, I must've been hungover or something that day.
But it really threw a wrench in my coyote hunting.

No big deal. I've got a new sweetie in my life and it turned out to be the best mistake of my life (the vacation, not Lisa).
She came over on that Friday and stayed until this past Sunday and it was great. We got a chance to get to know each other r-e-a-l good. I mean, we met and then had a few hours here and there and a couple of weekends, but nothing to where we seriously got to know each others' ways and habits, you know?
I'm the kind of person that if we're around each other more than about an hour, you're gonna get on my fucking nerves (Mile Hi can attest to that, we used to commute together) but with Lisa, every minute was a pleasure and no, I'm not saying that just because she'll read this.
Okay, I'm at an age where intimacy is not the deciding factor in a relationship. A big part,  yes, but not a killer. What I'm more interested in are things like sense of humor, compatibility, intelligence, is she high maintenance, does my wolfdog like her, can I keep a Justice shed in the backyard, and can she fucking cook.
She passed on everything the first 2 dates we had except the cooking. Sure, she made her brags but now she had her chance.
I asked her if she could make cream gravy. If she fucked up a simple thing like that, it was done, fini, over. She told me that her cream gravy was "orgasmic." Yeah, right. We'll see.
She wasn't lying.
Let me say that I have had cream gravy (country gravy for you non-okies) all my life. I am a connoisseur of fine cream gravy at the finest truck stops everywhere. But as I was relaxing in my BassPro Camouflage Easy Chair one morning last week, she came into the living room with a spoonful of her gravy and I almost busted a fucking nut on the spot. Oh. My. God. It was fucking great.
And not only was her gravy outrageous, so was everything else she cooked. I swear, I gained another 10 pounds this past week.
And she has other great qualities as well - she gives me my alone time, she cleans house when she's bored (really!) she wants to learn to shoot, CGD loves her to pieces, she finally let me beat her ass at backgammon and last but absolutely not least, she wasn't on my ass about a day in San Francisco the whole time I was on vacation.
Oh yeah, I almost forgot - when we went to Bridgeport (150 miles away over Sonora Pass) for lunch I was harassing her and said something about dumping her there and throwing her her clothes on her front lawn. You know what she objected to about that? Me putting our business on the street. Seriously. How fucking cool is that?

So yeah, my vacation was a mistake - I didn't kill a single coyote but I wouldn't trade it off for the world.

20 comments:

TexasFred said...

Dude, DON'T FUCK THIS UP!!!

If CGD likes her, it's REAL, dogs know these things!!

wirecutter said...

I'm trying not to, Brother.
But the skeery part is, I don't have to try. She likes me the way I am.
She may be a Fed trying to gain my confidence, huh?

kevin said...

Don't over think this! CGD likes her AND she makes good cream gravy!

PISSED said...

She may be a Fed

LMAO..Ok Im drunk and thats fuckin funny!!!

wirecutter said...

Kevin, Yeah, she's got a few points in her favor on that.

wirecutter said...

Irish, you might think it's funny....

Lisa said...

Oh Dick....I do like you the way you are...with or without the nail polish...LOL
Gravy was a given bubba!
I totally enjoyed myself with you and
Charliedgoddammit, this weekend. You took really good care of me.
The Justice Shed was a little rough, I only have a few blisters and callouses...but, I will survive...: P
I think you are a keeper as well! A truly gentle man.
Because....sometimes you feel like anut..
..sometimes you don't!
Oh I wish I was an OMW, that is what I'd truly like to bee...ee.ee...LOL
I am not a FED....but....I know this game....HAHAHA....

wirecutter said...

You'll get used to the Justice Shed thing after a while and you PROMISED to not mention the pink nail polish......
And really, you don't have to call me Dick outside the house. Only inside.

drjim said...

Are those bells I hear in the distance??

wirecutter said...

drjim - Bells? It's firecrackers, man. 4th of July, remember?

drjim said...

yuk-yuk!

And my dawgs are going nuts with the noise.

Lisa said...

Yes Dick....I mean Sir!

Deb said...

Hopefully this won't get me banned from here forever, but I have no clue what a justice shed is, and have never heard of cream/country gravy.

I'm thinking both of those things might scare the crap out of me.

CGD is awesome. Due to fog, our fireworks are tonight. The dog will be curled up around the toilet, eyes like saucers, shaking with a puddle of drool under her. Not much different than you after a weekend bender (pre-Lisa, of course)!

wirecutter said...

Never heard of cream gravy????
Deb, Deb, Deb........

Go to the search thingie in my sidebar and enter Justice Shed.

YOLO said...

Awwww, i like this love story being played out for us, finally kenny with stars in his eyes. I sincerely wish you happiness with each other for a long long time.

Tattoo Jim said...

Anybody, man, woman or child, who doesn't know how to made even passable country gravy is kind of suspect in my book... you may call it something different up North Deb, but I bet you know what it is now and you've had it before!! Breakfast, lunch or dinner, there's not much better in this world than some cat-head biscuits with ANY kind of country gravy!!!
And I like your list of attributes Kenny...sense of humor, compatibility, intelligence, is she high maintenance.... this lady sounds like a REAL keeper!! Could this be a "and they lived happily ever after" moment?????????????? It's never too late brother!!!

Lisa said...

Deb, the interesting part....he wants the gravy served to him in the justice shed...LOL

Deb said...

OK, I just looked up "justice shed" and "cream gravy".

Thanks for telling me about Wirecutter wanting his cream gravy served in a justice shed, Lisa. Like my nightmares aren't bad enough already?

TexasFred said...

You can't have chicken fried steak without cream gravy... Even I know that... And cream gravy with sausage in it is the BOMB on some good biscuits...

wirecutter said...

Wait, the cream gravy is served by LISA in the Justice Shed.....