Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Rick can't even take a dump in peace

I was headed towards a bathroom to send my sweetie a quick text - we're not allowed to use cell phones in the warehouse - when I saw my partner Ricks' towmoter parked outside the bathroom.
Fuck, what timing.
I strolled on in, whipped out my phone, stuck my hand over the top of the stall and took a picture of Rick sitting on the toilet taking a shit and texting HIS sweetie.
"Hey.... What the.... MotherFUCKER!!!!!!"
It was hilarious imagining him trying to wipe his ass, pull up his pants and text all at the same time.  I was still laughing my ass off when he came out of the bathroom pissed as hell. "Who in the hell takes a picture of somebody taking a shit?"
I just shrugged and grinned. No sense in lying and denying, so I might as well cop to it and dare him to do something about it.
After several minutes of threats, I got far enough away from him to where I could check the picture and saw a blurry mess so I deleted it out, then went and told every English speaking motherfucker in the warehouse, all 12 of them, that I took a picture of Rick taking a shit just to fuck with him.
It worked. He got laughed at all day long and still hasn't spoken to me.

He was lucky today. Usually when I catch him on the toilet I sneak out and get a roll of 4-ply TP, then soak it in cold water to where it's just a soggy mess, walk back about 10 feet away and then throw it as hard as I can over the top of the stall so it slams into the wall about 2 feet over his head, splattering him with cold water and tiny bits of wet toilet paper.
What a way to start the day, huh?


Brian said...

That is some seriously funny shit. I giggled all the way thru.

Btw, love the new headline banner. sweet.

wirecutter said...

Yeah, Texas Fred made that banner and sent it to me last night.

Bella said...

Jeez Kenny, you've heard of Karma, right? If he's got 2 twinkies to rub together, he's gonna get you back.

Other than that...excellent. :)

The new banner is great, I really like it.

Brian in Florida said...

You evil bastard, LOL you owe me a beer. There was no "Spew" warning on this. Thanks for the laugh.

Paul, Dammit! said...

The TP idea is fantastic. If anyone oversleeps on my boat, I microwave a hot dog until it's lukewarm and sneak into the bunkroom and run it in and out of their mouth a few times. My guys are amazingly light sleepers.

wirecutter said...

That's fucking hilarious, Paul. Can't wait to try it out.