Saturday, January 21, 2012

Ah, domestic life.....

When I was single I had both a cell phone and a home phone. The cell was for motherfuckers that I wanted to give my number to and the home phone was for motherfuckers that demanded my phone number. I never checked the messages, hell, I think the machine was turned off for the past 6 months.
Anyways, when Lisa moved in, she started trimming unnecessary costs and the home line was at the top of the list.
So now when somebody calls from a strange number and says "Hello, Mr. Lane?" I have to say "You bet" instead of "Depends. Are you a cop?" or my favorite, "Who the fuck are you?"

The towels and washrags in the bathroom that I'm not allowed to use are in the regular towel closet now, but that's only because we're buying new towels and washrags that I won't be allowed to use. I'm still trying to figure that one out.

New dishes, too. We ain't buying one set, we're buying TWO sets. I got a feeling we're going be having a shitload of company.
The only friend that's ever eaten a meal in my house in 20 years is Rick and that's only because the rude bastard stopped by during my supper and wouldn't quit staring at my food until I offered him some so yeah, having dinner guests is going to take some getting used to.

17 comments:

MSgt B said...

You're fucked.

But it feels good.

Admit it.

Ruth said...

Donno, I still respond with "who're you?" if I don't recognize the number. Friends and family have learned to start with "Ruth, this is so'n'so" as their greeting......

wirecutter said...

Sarge, I will freely admit that I can tolerate that shit for the rewards.

Ruth, I have so few friends that actually want or need to talk to me right away that my cell phone usage was 10, maybe 15 minutes a month. Now it's closer to 400.

davecydell said...

My third wife......sweet....yep.... yeah..... sure......no doubt...yep.....sure.....no doubt.............................................................................................................................................................................................................

cato said...

If you're using 400 minutes a month, it's time to change your number and start over. Nobody has that many friends. Do they?

OR

You may want to ask Lisa not to call you that much, you'll talk with her after work. (Think real hard before you approach this subject with her, you may be eating that other set of china.)

Paul, Dammit! said...

I feel your pain. My Alamo is the shitter off of the master bedroom- it's nice, and fairly foofoo, but there are no guest soaps. I made a point of using them and taking them to work. There are no guests who I let use my Fortress of Solitude, anyhow. Inappropriately Hot Foreign Wife gave ground this one time, but I had to buy a new livingroom set to replace the old one, which was apparently not made of the right material.

Chris Mallory said...

Pick up a Magicjack. $20 a year for a phone line. And you can change the number when too many assholes have it.

Anonymous said...

Sounds like you finally got a woman I've had for 40 years. A woman that would..."politely" instruct me in the ways that I was an asshole, and "refine" me. It sure helps if they are good lookin, and Good in Bed! Post a picture of your new "Dishes" and I'll post a picture of mine. :-)

Tattoo Jim said...

This sounds to me like the total domestication of that rare, wild and once free creature that we knew as the "Wirecutter".

But it does feel kind of good, don't it?

AlanD said...

Oh hell next you'll be tellin us about CGD's new Wedgewood water bowl!

Gotta love a good woman who can ease you into this crap though!

PatriotUSA said...

This ain't all bad at all, Kenny.

Been hitched three times and the third time was the right one. Been 21 years now and I have few regrets.

I am still BANNED from doin' laundry and she understands that some things about me will never change and the stuff that needed some fine tuning works both ways, it has to or it will not work.

I am partial to old Winfield China Green Bamboo pattern when we can find it.

Ramon said...

Soon enough you will be getting curtains on your windows, too.

c w swanson said...

Patriot USA: Third time's the charm, baby!

Wirecutter: Domestic life definitely has it's advantages. My better half surprises me every now and then with stuff like this:

http://www.dailytimewaster.blogspot.com/2012/01/i-came-home-from-work-this-evening-to.html

I never ate anything like that when I was single.

Stretch said...

Five words:
I love you.
Yes, Dear.

I've gone from dating 4 women to 20 years of monogamy. Oh yay, she also give me gifts like this: http://larrycorreia.files.wordpress.com/2009/10/sw_625_mhi004.jpg?w=300&h=200

steve tompkins said...

so married!!

Skip said...

Shit happens Bro, roll with it.
You and CGD know whos's runnin' the squad now.
Just put your foot down if she bitches about the smell of Hopps#9.

nyjets427 said...

So that's it huh? I just got engaged, now my whole world will be fucked up. Well thanks for the heads up.