Saturday, February 18, 2012

I'm putting your ass on notice

Okay, check this shit out.
If you make a common product and package it in a way that makes it impossible to open without tools, a lower back injury, and/or a healthy command of cusswords in 3 languages, I will not buy your fucking product.
I am referring to, specifically, those goddamned clamshell packages. Some of them, like the ones that are pressed shut, can be opened with only a little effort but those motherfucking heat-sealed ones can't be opened without completely destroying the packaging, like this cable package that I battled today. No shit, this took 5 minutes and a Buck 110 to open.

Now what in the fuck am I supposed to do after I got it opened and found out that the saleskid sold me the wrong shit?
So if you package your product in a manner that makes it impossible for anybody over 60 to open or in a way that makes it impossible to return in case of defect or mistake, you can kiss my White Trash Okie ass. I ain't buying it.

19 comments:

Swamprat said...

I concure completely. I'm one of thoses "old fucks". And ya know what? If ya ain't careful in openin those fuckin packages, you can seriously "cut" yourself. The only way to open em, safetly is with sissors. Just cut all around the "sealed shit'. Most of that shit is made in China anyway, and they don't give a fuck. Unfortunately....MANY products that Americans buy nowdays are packaged like that. "Old" people, simply buyin a new printer cartaige for their damn printer...are subject to this shit.
"Be careful out there"....

Loose your Buck 101 man. I use to do that...scared I was gonna slip and cut the shit out of myself. Use Sisiors dude.

rpm2day said...

The frustration factor with that type of packaging is pretty damn high!

Goldenrod said...

Oh yeah, I've been there, I just use my Stihl 24" chain saw. My 'little woman' has no problem taking anything back and getting in their face if it's necessary.
It's worked out quite well for me.....so far. It's a great source of entertainment.

Sarthurk said...

I would suggest a CRKT M16-14ZSF instead of a Buck 110. The real trick is to never buy anything that has already been opened. There's bound to be shit missing. EMT scissors work pretty good too!

But seriously, I feel your pain. I've actually cut my self with the plastic trying to get that shit opened.

wirecutter said...

I BROKE MY MOTHERFUCKING SCISSORS!!!
Not on this package but on one a month or so again. Heavy duty motherfuckers, too.

Mr. White, Reservoir Dog Groomer said...

Good on you!! Well said!

And yeah Sarthurk, I TOO have found those sharp edged, needle-pointy sunsabitches packing trim edges are more than enough to stab or slash the blood out of my hand, finger or forearm. This leads to spurts of red on clothing or furniture, and turning the air bright blue with every combination of curse and epithet known to Man or Marine.

I DO have two suggestions. One - use a full size box cutter ( I love my folding Stanley ) to cut a line just inside and parallel to the entire seal, and then the thing will 'lift out' from the frame.
Two -
If it doesn't fit or whatever, take it back and they will probably not give you any shit. Especially if you are still holding the blade to show them how you opened it.

ParaPacem said...

Oh, and BTW - for the scissors guys, try the real Medical Grade scissors, with the serrated jaw on one side. Countycomm dot com has 'em, and they are excellent.

DeNihilist said...

Funniest one I've seen is the "knife" made expressly to open these things. Guess what? The fucker comes in the heat sealed package!

Cheesy said...

Read a while back that there's a couple thousand emergency room visits per year of people that slice themselves open with those things.

Walter Zoomie said...

I agree with everything y'all have said, but y'all should shut the fuck up about this packaging shit for two reasons:

A- The packaging cuts down on shoplifting.

2- If even more people bitch about it, some government goon (with friends in the hermetically sealed plastic container lobby) will pass a law requiring it on everything.

Erinyes said...

I'd encase it in concrete and bring it back to the store.

Deb said...

Sometimes a can opener works. Sometimes.

I'm surprised these clam shell packages still exist since I put the Die A Thousand Deaths curse on those who create them a couple years back.

Deb said...

Sometimes a can opener works. Sometimes.

I'm surprised these clam shell packages still exist since I put a Die A Thousand Deaths curse on them a couple of years back.

Anonymous said...

Packaging to reduce pilfering by the lowlifes.

Another inconvenience created by deducting this society to it's lowest common denominator.

angrymike said...

I get pair of heavy duty scissors from china freight, they work great.

Spon said...

Weiss tin snips. LMAO

Edward Teach said...

I believe that the bastards who developed that packaging, should be sent to prison, stripped naked, have their fingernails and all their teeth pulled out, and everything, food, water, toiletries, etc should be given to them packaged in their evil creation.

Uriah said...

I've noticed the last few years that kids toys are packaged with this thin wire that's hell on knife blades, and even better more then a few toys are held down with little phillips screws. I guess that's the cheapest way to package something...

I bought a new cell phone charger awhile back in a clamshell and didn't have my knife on me so I tried to soften it up with a cigarette lighter. I had to buy yet another new charger...

Tom said...

Can't remember where I read it, but somebody suggested that when we buy a package in the plastic crap, we take it to the customer service desk and have THEM open it. If they refuse, demand a refund on the spot -- after all, you have a receipt and the packaging is unopened... Or the poor schmuck working the customer service desk wastes a lot of time getting the fucker opened. Either way, you've cost the store's profit margin money -- and if enough of us do it, the retailers will demand easier-to-open packaging!

Oh, wait. Nah, they'll just raise the prices to cover the costs of having to open the packaging. Sumbitches!

But it SOUNDS like a good idea!