Sunday, March 11, 2012

It's true, I'm Straight-up White Trash.

Today marked the 7th time in a row that I remembered to piss before settling into the jacuzzi tub. Well, maybe 6 1/2 because once I was in knee deep when I remembered, but I didn't want to get the floor sopping wet so I pissed from the tub to the toilet, a mere 18 inches.
I still ended up mopping the floor. I had forgotten about that nasty dribble that starts setting in at around age 50.

Once Miss Lisa tipped me off that the jacuzzi was actually intended for something besides testing the action on my fishing lures, I fell in love with it. I haven't taken an actual bath since I don't know when, but now I'm in that motherfucker at least 3 times a week, soaking and relaxing and blowing fart bubbles.
I tell you what, if I ever meet the motherfucker that came up with the idea of putting little boat engines in a bathtub, I'll hold his dick while he pisses. I mean it. That dude deserves the Obamessiah's Nobel Peace Prize, for whatever it's worth.

The damned thing has other uses too. Now, after about 3 days of snacking after Miss Lisa deserted me and went to take her grandkids to the Walmart in Tennesee, I had a stack of crusty dishes piled up with no dishwasher and a tiny kitchen sink.
Hmmm...... dish drainer, Calgon, jacuzzi tub. Sounds like a plan to me. I went out and cranked up the water heater to Holy-Fucking-Shit hot, put the dishes in the tub, filled it, threw in the Calgon and fired up the jets. Fucking A, instant Okie dishwasher.
I figured on at least a half hour for the scrubbing bubbles to do their scrubbing shit, so I jumped in the truck and did a few errands around town. When I got back and drained the tub, they were sparkling clean. A quick rinse with the shower and I was set.
That's some Straight-Up White Trash shit right there, ain't it?

17 comments:

DaddyBear said...

You. Are. A. Genius.

MadMarlin said...

That reminds me of the episode of Seinfeld where Kosmo Kramer puts a dispose-all in his shower and made the dinner salad while showering. I know if I'm ever invited to anyone's house that has a jacuzzi I'm bringing my own plates and silverware.

Stinkwilly said...

I thought maybe there for a minute when you said the pisser was "only"
18" away I was thinkin.....whoaaaaaa....then you mentioned "dribble". You know there is a solution to that, it's called, PVC pipe. It comes in 20' lenghts and 1/2" to 4" in diameter, can be cut to any length. It's the diameter you have to worry about. hahahaha

Swamprat said...

That's friggin funny! Great "Story", but I'm callin BS on that one.

Great Idea!! And it probably would work Great! BUT...Now drain the water, and refill?

I got a hot tub. I know the process. Besides, ya never EVEN mentioned cleanin the Filter, and the cost of fillin that puppy up again.

Still...A great Story. If It's true, yes. You are a bigger Red Neck than me.! :-)

davecydell said...

And no Fing invite to CGD ????

I think I could go to court and get custody.

Bella said...

Thanks for the laugh, that was great. Fart bubbles and dribbling and you're eating off those plates. Miss Lisa better get home before you and CGD decide to have swimming races in there.

Anonymous said...

well, you gone and done it...
you ruined the next several meals for all the lib-tards i 'cut and pasted' that to...
they won't speak to me for weeks now... thank you...

Glenn B said...

What - no video!!!

Oswald Bastable said...

Someone who has used an engine to heat food cannot criticize...

MSgt B said...

Would it work for laundry?

Bryn said...

Been there, done that, my way...
The dogs get 1st crack at the crockery after a party, then when they are "clean" they go to soak in a hot bath with some dishwasher powder mixed in. Leave to soak while out at work, then rinse under a hot shower, air dry, start planning the next party............
Why make it more work by being "conventional"....?

wirecutter said...

Sarge - No, laundry is out. The intake for the jacuzzis are pretty powerful. Get your dick to close and it'll suck the pubies clean off, so they'll get jammed up by a sock or grease rag or something.

Howie Honky said...

And all this time I thought the main indication what a man was classy and cultured was that he would move the dishes to one side before pissing in the sink.

Anonymous said...

If you wanna go from redneck to redneck with class you gotta take the dishes out of the kitchen sink before you piss in it.
Paul in Texas

MSgt B said...

Fuckin hell.

Now you got me wondering how the hell you know not to get your dick stuck in the suction intake on the jacuzzi.

Tell you what buddy. Don't ever answer that one. Okay?

MammaJude said...

That's about the funniest post I've read since you got the coyote piss in a can.

Uriah said...

Buddy used to wash his dishes in the shower. While he was taking one. After I learned that little factoid I quit eating there.