Monday, March 05, 2012

Week One without Miss Lisa report

Well, Miss Lisa's been gone for an entire week today and I have to say that while I miss her mightily and can't wait for her to get back, I'm doing all right for myself.
I haven't been in a car wreck although I am long overdue for a vehicle totaling, I haven't gotten deathly ill, I haven't been shot stabbed raided or dogbit. I have not lost a dime rolling dice. I haven't tumbled down a hillside or into a lake (overdue on both of those, too) or slipped in the shower.

I've even done some good things too.
I cleaned the bathrooms, did the dishes every night, wired up some security lights for the backyard, vacuumed the floors, made the bed last week, watered the plants and my fucking bowel movements are regular and healthy. Plus, I even broke down and finally added a vegetable to my dinner of meat tonight. A potato - well, frozen steak fries - but still...... Great big thick motherfuckers too, with lots of ketchup which I should probably add as a vegetable too, huh?
Eating all of them veggies all of a sudden is probably going to fuck up my regular and healthy bowel movements, you watch.

Wiring those security lights was one of those 30 minute jobs that took me about 2 hours.
I had a really big spot between the drive through gate and the back of the house that was in deep shadows and I wanted to take care of that. Not a problem, the garage has a few outlets as well as light fixtures that I can tap into. Okay, I have never plugged anything in or put in any light bulbs anywhere in the garage great big storage shed so after I wire the fixture up I hook up into of the outlet boxes and....... nothing. What the fuck? I checked it and it was dead. Not only was it dead but so was every other socket except one in the entire garage and that looks like it was hooked into the one in the ol' lady's laundry room on the other side of the wall. I pulled the fuses again and then climb up on a stepladder to check the wiring and Oh My God I can see why it wasn't working. The fucking place was wired with scrap wire, I shit you not, there was 5 feet of 14 gauge spliced into 12 feet of knob and tube and even a motherfucking extension cord up there and this shit was running everywhere all over the rafters. You gotta be fucking kidding me.
And on top of that, there's a million black widows and their egg sacs up here with me. Motherfuckers were everywhere.
So I start crawling around with my flashlight, tracing this and that before I finally found a wire that looked lit it was the main wire and cut it and put wire caps on it, then checked the one live socket I found to make sure it was wired up right and just wired my lights right into there. Fuck the rest of that, I'll wire that garage next weekend. I'm not an electrician but I can run lights and sockets using new shit, you know?
But let me tell you what, those photo cell lights have that backyard lit up brighter than San Quentin, baby. Fucking grass weeds are going to go up in flames from the heat from the lamps.....

Hopefully next week's report will be just as good. She's due back next Monday evening and it'll be good to have her home again even though I know I'm going to catch hell for the dust and dog hair and dirty floors and skidmarks on the furniture and whatnot.