Monday, August 06, 2012

Dealing with Doc

Man, my lower back has been giving me fits lately, most of it muscle pain running the from hip to hip, almost like when my sciatica starts to kick in but on both sides.
So I went to see Doc about it this morning wanting him to work his magic. "Hi Kenny, what's up with you?'
"My fucking back is kicking my ass again. Do something, man. But I don't have time for physical therapy, I don't want any painkillers and I ain't wearing a back brace. Fuck that."
"So just what in the hell do you want me to do?" he asks tossing my records in the trash can. He does that a lot.
"How the fuck do I know, man? You're the smart one in the room."
We glare at each other for a minute until he finally comes up with a solution. "You want some samples of hard-on pills?"
"Yeah, that might work."
So by the time it was all said and done I ended up with an injection in my hip, a fist full of flexoril, a prescription of anti-inflammatories for my git kit, a referral for PT and a back brace which I'll never use and a couple samples of happy pills. Not a bad haul, you know?
Let me tell you what, though. By the time I got home my back felt better but my left hip was fucking throbbing. It's almost like all that pain just moved over to one area.
So I mowed the yards - probably not the brightest idea now that I'm looking back on it. I'm laid up in my Camouflaged Bass Pro Easy Chair and can't hardly move.
Getting old is a bitch.

18 comments:

timbo said...

Sounds like the living hell I've gone through for the last 3 weeks. The wife says to go to a doc or pt, but I know from experience, that the doc can't do shit about it, and the pt is $100/hr! - so I won't be doing that. Handfuls of ibuprofen and a lot of bitching and moaning.

Getting old IS a bitch!

Erinyes said...

As long as the important part still works, I'm accepting of the rest breaking down at this point. Quit mowing the lawn. Jeez.

michigan doug said...

you aint old,you just need more fun.go shoot something.

hiswiserangel said...

Hard-on pills. Uh-huh. I'm sure there's grounds for malpractice there somewhere....

angrymike said...

Dude I'm so glad your back, your story's can make my eyes water from laughter. I got back problems to and know the feeling. I'm so hooked on happy pill it'll probably be my undoing.......
It really does suck to get old......

da_truth36 said...

Getting old does suck out loud. Had arthritis since my early twenties, doc gives me Nabumetone to prevent the pain and Tramadol to treat the pain once it comes. Neither helps, but what can ya do?

Bryn said...

See as we're talking about the Age of Creakiness, here's a happy thought; I was told today by my doctor that the acute hip pain I have is due to my different posture after losing 40 lbs.
Apparently I was overweight long enough for my joints to have worn their own pattern, like trucks on the highway. Now the new truck (me) is trying to drive on the edge of the ridges left by the old truck....... happy days.....

Anonymous said...

What you can do right now is put an ice pack on your low back and hip long enough to numb it down and decrease inflammation. Do that at the end of each day. Put a thin kitchen towel around an ice pack, not ice directly on the skin which will frostbite the skin. Hope this helps, and Glad to see you're back!

Anonymous said...

Hard on pills! Damn, thats like putting a new flag pole on a condemned building aint it.

Stinkwilly said...

My hips hurt from the time I get up to the time I lay back down. Doc says he can't help on account I'm already taking too much cardiovascular shit. The only satisfaction I get when I see him is we both hate that muslim fuck in the whitehouse, and when we get to trashing his ass it takes my mind off of my hips hurting, for awhile anyway.

myadventuresinselfreliance said...

Roll up a thick bath towel and lay it down on the floor with it under your hips. You should feel a comfortable stretch not pain. Get in a warm bath as hot as you can stand and get the muscles warm and then a rub down with rubbing alcohol, wrap with a towel or blanket to keep the heat in. The heat will soak all the way to the bone in about 20 minutes and may give you some relief. Sounds simple but it really does work.

Skip said...

'Bout eight fingers of Maker's Mark.
Won't help, but you won't give a shit.
That'll be $50, see the girl out front.

Neill said...

I'm older than two of you put together and can tell you it don't get better it just gets easier. I have replacement knees, shoulders and the hips are next if I live so long. My back is wired and screwed for about eight inches right where yours hurts and I still ask for hard-on pills at the doctors office.
BTW we've missed you.

Cheesy said...

Been plarued with sciatica for a couple years now; a friend turned me on to Tiger Balm Ultra-Strength. This shit is amazing-it has a penetrating heat that no other topical pain releiver comes close to. It has become a way of life in our household - it REALLY helps!

Dean Carder said...

Hey Kenny, beware the Flexorils! I take them twice a day along with various pain, anti inflamitories and hpb meds. Due to the pain pils and the Flexoril specifically I have what I call a daily coma. No shit knocks me OUT.

By the by, WELCOME BACK!

Anonymous said...

Get a foam roller and a theracane. It'll cost ya 50 bucks and 15 minutes a day. If you massage out the knots in your muscles, you'll be amazed at how much better your joints feel.

davecydell said...

I'm with Skip
I chase the pain in this old bag of bones with bourbon
Welcome back, Cut

Oldfart said...

There will come a time when all the pills, exercises, booze and balms won't do a bit of good. When that time finally gets to you, you just say "fuck it" and continue to do whatever you can for as long as you can and then load up on selected pills and booze until you just go to sleep. Then when you (hopefully) wake up, you do it again. Works for me.

Welcome back, I've only been reading here awhile but I really missed you.

Fuck Obama!!