Monday, September 17, 2012

Me and DMV survived each other

After coffee and the news this morning I climbed into the truck and headed down to Turlock to the DMV there where I had an appointment. I go south to Turlock because it's a smaller office, less crowded and they have a rule there that they have to use common sense. Modesto DMV is a fucking madhouse, to the point that when I lived a couple of blocks from it I would still drive the 30 miles to Turlock and be home quicker than if I had gone to the Modesto office.
I had a 10:20 appointment and showed up at 9:55 because I'm anal about being on time and was called to the window at 10:00, 20 minutes before my scheduled appointment. I filled out some paperwork and asked the DMV babe behind the counter "Am I gonna have to take a written test? Because if I do I want it in Inuit as is my Right according to state law." I smiled and drawled "On account of that being my native tongue and all."
"You're too white, too thin and you don't smell like seal meat. No written test for you, Namu. Window 11 for your vision test and license fee, then window 14 for your thumb print and picture have a nice day."
Window 11. I left my glasses out in the truck. Fuck it. I do the test and pass it without my glasses. "It says here that you must wear corrective lenses when you drive. Have you had corrective surgery since you were issued this license?" the DMV dude asks.
"Yeah, a few years ago." Surgery my ass, the reason I couldn't pass the vision test without my glasses last time was because I was so fucking stoned I couldn't see the eye chart much less line 3 without my glasses. As I recall, I also vomited in a trash can because I was so loaded. Good times, man.....
Window 14. Pitcher time. I looked in the little mirror to make sure I looked like I would when I get pulled over, checked for hanging boogers, scowled at the camera, farted, and was fucking done. My ass never hit a chair, in and out and only 31 bucks light. I should've done this months ago.