Wednesday, October 10, 2012

I had a dog once.....

I had a dog once that the barn cat adopted and raised and he had the temperament of that damned cat too - every time I started petting him he'd growl. Took me a couple of years to figure out he wasn't growling, the motherfucker was purring. We got along fine after that.

I had a dog once that would hit a false point when we were hunting the fields around Castle AFB. I finally figured out she was pointing on the KC-135s taking off in the distance at the Air Base.

I had a dog once that climbed trees. I can't tell you how many times I had to rescue it from the cottonwood out back. I never did understand what was so interesting up there.

I had a dog once that loved to hunt so much he could understand when you spelled the word hunt out. We went through about 30 screen doors with that dog, blowing through them and jumping in the truck when he heard the word or even H-U...... he was gone. Same thing with picking up a gun. If a burglar ever broke into the house all he had to do was walk in with a gun and the fucking dog would be waiting for him in his truck.

I had a dog once, a chihuahua/terrier mix, that was so fucking mean that after she died, nothing grew on her grave. I loved that fat li'l yella dog. Her name was Hillary because what else are you going to name a yellow haired bitch?

I had a dog once that chewed my truck tire flat.

I had a dog once that had epilepsy. That was pretty entertaining.

I had a dog once that I never fed. He wouldn't eat dog food and I gave up trying. He lived entirely on what he could catch, squirrels and rabbits and such. Maybe the occasional cat.

I had a dog once that refused to be fenced. The fucking dogcatcher would just drop him by the house instead of taking him to doggie jail after the first 2 or 3 times. I'd hear his horn honk and go out, collect my dog and give the dogcatcher a cold coke or something. I think his name was Dave. Cap liked him well enough, Dave would just pull over and whistle and Cap would come running.

I had a dog once that would wait until somebody got behind us and then he'd take a shit in the bed of the truck, making the folks in the car behind us watch.


Okay, y'all want to carry this on in the comments?





22 comments:

Sarthurk said...

I had a dog once, that is responsible for numerous folks in numerous incidents arrested, just because he alerted me to something odd going on outside. Good Dog!

Anonymous said...

I had a junk yard dog once, beat me over the fence, or I would have been Axlerod's old man.

Anonymous said...

I had two dogs once that enjoyed playing tug-of-war with groundhogs. I tried breaking it up (groundhog makes good barbecue if you cook it right and the neighbor would have given me ten bucks for killing one out in his horse field), but the dogs weren't interested in capitalism. Lost one to a big old copperhead that bit him in the throat and the other in the ice storm in 94.

WIII

Peter B said...

I hear you about refusing to be fenced, though it wasn't my dog, it was my mom's dog... she got him after she separated from my father. We got the dog from the pound; the people who turned him in said "can't keep him. Little did we know. That dog was an escape artist. He'd up and leave home for weeks at a time. Had several other families who took him in. This was in Berkeley in the 60s. He loved people, loved crowds, which was why my mother wound up looking for him at ground zero of the protests, but that's another story.
Anyway, there was a big school board meeting over the left wing BS that wound up ruining the schools. It was at the Community Theater (3500 seats) about 2 1/2 miles from our house and was pretty packed. My mom hates crowds but was there with a friend being a good citizen.
Commotion in front, and then on stage with all the big shots, there was the dog who had been missing for a few days. She yells out "That's my dog" and has to go up on stage in front of the crowd to chase him down and grab his collar.
Applause. Cries of "we ought to run that dog for school board." My mother, mortified, goes back up the aisle dragging the dog and brings him home.

Glenn B said...

I had a dog once, but not for too long, that used to like to jump up in my bed and lick his balls. One night I woke up with him licking my balls. As I said - I had a dog once but not for too long...

tripseven said...

BO once had dog too...

WoodBurner said...

I once had a Beagle Hound that would fetch the rabbits back to me after I shot ‘em

TotC said...

I had a dog once that jumped up into the arms of the gas meter reader so the dog could be petted.

I had another dog once that bounced her head off a school bus tire. She was a hardheaded dog in more ways than one.

Glenn B said...

I had a dog once, roasted over hot coals. Mmmm mmmm good!

Chris said...

Had a dog once that kept trying to hip check me into the swimming pool. Herd me right into it, you could see him grinning the whole time.

hiswiserangel said...

I had a dog once, still have her, that would chase down rabbits and bring their limp, lifeless bodies back to lay at my feet. We got her when she was dumped in front of our house, pregnant, starving and scared to death. Took me 4 days of setting out food and water to get her trust. We've had her for 13 years and have no idea how old she was when we got her. I'm going to miss her so much when she's gone.

MSgt B said...

I had a dog once that chewed the bottom six inches off every leg on the picnic table in the backyard. Those table legs were 2X4's.

I went and got my circular saw and cut all the bench legs down to match.

I felt like a giant when we ate out there for cookouts.

Tango said...

I had a dog once that...

To hell with it, who am I kidding? I'm 34 as of today and never had a dog. I'm working to remedy that by this next Boomershoot.

Anonymous said...

Parents had a dog once, poodle/cocker mix. He got mad that they left him when they went on vacation. He ate half the metal venetian blinds in protest. Used to take on German Shepards twice his size and win.

rpm2day said...

I had a dog and a woman once. I was forced to make a choice between the two.
I still have a dog...

Joel said...

I had a dog once. Her name was Heidi. One day I came home and she was missing from our backyard and the gate was broken. Turns out Mike Vick and his friends let their pitt bulls chew her up (true story, I hate that big lipped motherfucker).

Anonymous said...

I had a dog once who could get a stubborn cow up faster than a cattle prod. She also had a memory, got tagged once. The next day she got her revenge, I was standing behiond the bovine. Near about cost me a knee cap

Anonymous said...

I had a dog once who found great sport in assisting the meter reader with his diving practice.
Head first through his window with her on his heels.

Deb said...

I had a dog once, a beagle named Bagel, that killed a rabbit while tied on his run.

I had a dog once, name of Schnapps, who had butt issues. Elizabethan collar was no match, so vet cut the bottom of a pail out, put it over Schnapps' head & tied it to his collar. We called him Pail Face. I then put the wasbund's briefs on the dog, tail through the crotch, to act as a diaper. Schnapps blew out the back door, (he did that routinely), heading for the hills, pail over his head, BVDs covering his butt, only to stop at a home under construction to sniff lunch boxes. Never seen a construction crew laugh that hard.

CountryRebel said...

I have a dog, Winchester, pure bred blue heeler. the ups, fedex and mail lady are petrified of him. ups threatened to kick him once. told him be the last thing he ever did. throwin treats at him are in vain. i dont give him treats. he slammed the front door on my sister in law. he protects the wife a lil too well. he loves my lil boy. probably best dog ill ever have.

Cheesy said...

I had a dog that kept getting out of the yard. We looked everywhere for a hole under the fence, area where he could squeeze through, found nothing.
One afternoon I came home a little early, to find the motherfucker climbing the 6 foot chain link fence by using the holes in the fence as a ladder, then jumping over when he got to the top.

Heroditus Huxley said...

I had a golden retriever/cocker spaniel mix once that had a recliner outside that he insisted on being fed in. Set the food bowl on the ground, and the dog would look at you, sigh, jump down, grab the dish, and carefully jump back up in the chair carrying it. Eventually got to where he didn't spill a bite.

Had another dog (Pomeranian/terrier/Chihuahua mix) that would dance circles in the dirt road outside our house and stop every funeral procession that happened to come by. Couple of funeral homes started going the long way 'round cause of that dog.

Last great dog story was the Chow mix that farted in his own face, once, then thereafter refused to fart in the house (under the open window when someone was on the computer was a different story--dog thought his people gagging from his stink was hilarious).

Current dog is too new and too young for good stories, yet.