Wednesday, October 10, 2012

I had a dog once.....

I had a dog once that the barn cat adopted and raised and he had the temperament of that damned cat too - every time I started petting him he'd growl. Took me a couple of years to figure out he wasn't growling, the motherfucker was purring. We got along fine after that.

I had a dog once that would hit a false point when we were hunting the fields around Castle AFB. I finally figured out she was pointing on the KC-135s taking off in the distance at the Air Base.

I had a dog once that climbed trees. I can't tell you how many times I had to rescue it from the cottonwood out back. I never did understand what was so interesting up there.

I had a dog once that loved to hunt so much he could understand when you spelled the word hunt out. We went through about 30 screen doors with that dog, blowing through them and jumping in the truck when he heard the word or even H-U...... he was gone. Same thing with picking up a gun. If a burglar ever broke into the house all he had to do was walk in with a gun and the fucking dog would be waiting for him in his truck.

I had a dog once, a chihuahua/terrier mix, that was so fucking mean that after she died, nothing grew on her grave. I loved that fat li'l yella dog. Her name was Hillary because what else are you going to name a yellow haired bitch?

I had a dog once that chewed my truck tire flat.

I had a dog once that had epilepsy. That was pretty entertaining.

I had a dog once that I never fed. He wouldn't eat dog food and I gave up trying. He lived entirely on what he could catch, squirrels and rabbits and such. Maybe the occasional cat.

I had a dog once that refused to be fenced. The fucking dogcatcher would just drop him by the house instead of taking him to doggie jail after the first 2 or 3 times. I'd hear his horn honk and go out, collect my dog and give the dogcatcher a cold coke or something. I think his name was Dave. Cap liked him well enough, Dave would just pull over and whistle and Cap would come running.

I had a dog once that would wait until somebody got behind us and then he'd take a shit in the bed of the truck, making the folks in the car behind us watch.

Okay, y'all want to carry this on in the comments?