Monday, December 10, 2012

At least I wasn't abducted by aliens

I was walking down a crowded street last night in the dark, unarmed and feeling very uncomfortable with the circumstances - people bumping into me and putting their hands on me when suddenly somebody came up from behind and threw their arms my chest and tried to throw me to the ground. I planted both feet, leaned forward a bit then twisted and gave him an elbow shot to the ribs as hard as I could.
"OW!!!" hollered Lisa as I sat straight up in bed, jaw and fists clenched.

Lisa? Lisa!!! Oh no, I was having a bad dream and hammered Lisa right in the ribs. Oh, shit. Thank God I was bound up with the covers and didn't hit her as hard as I was trying to.
Man, I felt horrible. I've never hit a woman in my life and here I've gone and popped my wife over a nightmare. I apologized over and over again until she told me to shut the fuck up and go back to sleep.
This morning over breakfast I noticed she was rubbing her ribs and I apologized again.
"Honey, it's okay, really. It was a bad dream. Quit worrying, it's just a little sore." I was breathing a little easier when she said that and then she continued "I'll pay you back tonight, don't worry."
Oh man.......

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

Better head straight to the couch tonite, trust me, I know...lol

~Boarshide

MissK said...

So tomorrow we get part 2?... ;-)

Grog said...

You might want to get extra muscle cream for the bruises.

DaddyBear said...

You need a safehouse?

Sara said...

I used to get popped a lot by my old man in his sleep. He flails constantly, I don't know how he isn't always tired, it's not like he's actually resting in his sleep. Life is much better now having separate sleeping areas. We both have our own bed. He doesn't have me snoring in his ear, and I don't have random bruises every morning.

Anonymous said...

Oh shit Worecutter, I;ve done the same but 'Medusa' said 'You have to go back to sleep sometime'

Michael in Nelson

Chris said...

I did the same thing once. Once.

wirecutter said...

I know, I'm going to be exhausted by the weekend from sleeping with one eye open.

Devil Tongue said...

It was nice knowing you while it lasted, big guy. Sleep tight.

crankyjohn said...

Hmmm. Thanks for the idea.

Deb said...

Hopefully whatever "plans" she has for you will happen before the end of the year so you don't have to meet your medical insurance deductible all over again. Just remember, it's only pain.

Cavedogg said...

Man done the same thing to my first wife only it was a short jab to the face. Felt so bad. I would go sleep on the couch just to be safe tho.

Mr. Miracle said...

My Mrs. did that to me one night. She had her nails done that afternoon, and around 0230 or so, I was rudely awakened by the feeling of 5 sharp nails sinking into my left butt cheek. After a sudden elevation from the bed, several choice epithets, and finding myself wide awake and standing near the closet with my .45 in my hand searching for a target, I realized that it was my lovely wife having a bad dream. I yelled at her, and she mumbled something about going back to sleep. She then rolled over and was soon snoring away. I was finally able to re-enter the bed after about an hour, but to this day I still feel a shiver as I go to sleep. Found out later that she was wide awake as well, as she rolled over mumbling and faking it.