Saturday, December 15, 2012

I have discovered the cause of gayness

It's grandmothers.
Me and Lisa went Christmas shopping for her 3 year old grandson back in Tennessee and while we in the area I went ahead to the Big 5 Sporting Goods to pick up some 5.56, telling her I'd meet up with her inside the store. When I got in there I didn't see her so I went over to the toy section and picked up a package of little green soldiers (all you men know which ones I'm talking about), some tanks, a little Nerf gun to shoot his sister with and a toy tractor/lowboy trailer and then went looking for Lisa. I found her holding up a little fabric doll. "Look" she says "he can color it and then you can wash it out so he can use it again."
I was appalled. "What the fuck? We're buying for Jay, not Jessie, am I right?"
"Well..... yeah......"
"Then leave the goddamned boy shopping to me, Woman. You trying to gay him up or what? He gets guns, soldiers and cars, man."
She drew the line when I started to get him some handcuffs though, saying we'd never find his sister again if we got those. No biggie, I've got some heavy duty wire ties - I'll make him some flex cuffs and slip those into the package when she ain't looking.
Babes, I swear.