Saturday, December 15, 2012

I have discovered the cause of gayness

It's grandmothers.
Me and Lisa went Christmas shopping for her 3 year old grandson back in Tennessee and while we in the area I went ahead to the Big 5 Sporting Goods to pick up some 5.56, telling her I'd meet up with her inside the store. When I got in there I didn't see her so I went over to the toy section and picked up a package of little green soldiers (all you men know which ones I'm talking about), some tanks, a little Nerf gun to shoot his sister with and a toy tractor/lowboy trailer and then went looking for Lisa. I found her holding up a little fabric doll. "Look" she says "he can color it and then you can wash it out so he can use it again."
I was appalled. "What the fuck? We're buying for Jay, not Jessie, am I right?"
"Well..... yeah......"
"Then leave the goddamned boy shopping to me, Woman. You trying to gay him up or what? He gets guns, soldiers and cars, man."
She drew the line when I started to get him some handcuffs though, saying we'd never find his sister again if we got those. No biggie, I've got some heavy duty wire ties - I'll make him some flex cuffs and slip those into the package when she ain't looking.
Babes, I swear.

11 comments:

steve tompkins said...

i remember the little green army men. had a ball with them when i was little. and i have no problem with handcuffs

crankyjohn said...

Sounds like my fucking sister with my nephew.

rpm2day said...

What's left of us men need keep defining the line. Fuck p.c. or metrosexual or coexist or any of that crap.

hiswiserangel said...

I trashed my brother's little green army men in my Betty Crocker Easy Bake oven in retaliation for what GI Joe did to Barbie. I love little green army men.

drjim said...

My buddies and I used to set up all the Little Green Army men down in my basement, and BLAST away at them with our BB guns.

The only thing that made my Mom mad was when we didn't pick up ALL the BB's, and she'd step on them!

I learned that if I stuck a bucnh of magnets on an old broom, I could "sweep" them all up, to be used again.

Who ever said shootin' BB guns in the basement never taught us anything was wrong!

Grand said...

And tools. Teach him how to use tools.

Robert Fowler said...

I loved the green army men. My youngest son loved them too, he like setting them on fire. So,,,one day I took him out to the shop with a fresh bag of soldiers and taught him about oxy/acetelene torches. He was 11. When we went home he told mom that I had the "big fire" and it was cool.

I did get a dirty look.

RegT said...

For hiswiserangel:

Little girl sits in Santa's lap. "What do you want for Christmas?", Santa asked.

"I want a Barbie doll and a GI Joe doll", she replied.

"I thought Barbie came with Ken', said Santa.

"Oh, no", said the little girl. "Barbie comes with GI Joe. She only fakes it with Ken."

Sorry, Kenny ;-)

hiswiserangel said...

For RegT (((hugs)))

Sorry, wirecutter, ;-D

dhanna59 said...

@ RegT: Hilarious shit dude! LMAO!!

steve tompkins said...

yeah, Reg T. funny.