Thursday, January 31, 2013

The Great White Hunter

I hate those goddamned gophers. I don't know what it is about my front yard but I must have a colony of them living there. The neighbors on either side have no problem with them, but one morning I walked out and there were NINE fucking gopher mounds in mine. Looks like a fucking war zone with all those fucking mounds and gopher corpses out there.
Oh well, cheap entertainment......

12 comments:

Stretch said...

Tanerite?
Hose from exhaust pipe to holes?
Office-mate put ear-buds as far down as the wires would go and played rap on the MP3 player. Gophers were gone in hours ... either that or had popped a cap on one another.

Anonymous said...

Nice. My first bow kill was a gopher in my backyard many moons ago. Put it on a stick and fire up the Q!

Boarshide

Anonymous said...

I had the same problem down here in Torrance. Used a trap called the Black Hole. Put it in the tunnel where the mound is and cover it back up. I killed the whole colony of them that way. Ten years on and they haven't returned.
Chris C.

crankyjohn said...

Those are probably DHS gophers sent to spy on you. Fuck Obama.

timbo said...

I know an old dude that volunteers with fish and wildlife. They supply him with poison gas cartridges. Pull the tab and through it down the hole. I'm pretty sure he said they were cyanide canisters. Most efficient!

That thing looks more like a rat than a gopher!

Anonymous said...

Kenny,

You need to get rid of the gophers' food supply--BUGS. Get rid of them and they go to the neighbors. 'Bout any insecticide will do, just keep CGD off of the yard for a day.

BobP III

Bryn said...

Similar problems with moles here in the UK at my Grandfathers house, many years ago. Cheap solution - gardeners inflammable pellets, the type used to produce a sulphur dioxide cloud inside a greenhouse when clearing any sort of infestation (mice, bugs, whatever - dead).
More recently, a friend dealt with a mole problem by emptying the contents of a brewers CO2 bottle (about 40cu/ft)into the tunnel network - just stand on all the other mounds first to seal them.

wirecutter said...

For everybody that suggested smoke, chemicals, gas and all that other shit, you don't understand. I've got gopher holes every 5 feet. At least every five feet..... I'm surprised the house hasn't disappeared in a giant sinkhole.
I will try the insecticide though.

Bryn said...

I was going to suggest a fuel-air mix (old carburettor running rich, small pit-bike gas tank, garden blower, plenty of duct-tape - must send you the story some time.....) but with so many tunnels close to the house.... I do not want Miss Lisa displeased with me...

crankyjohn said...

Napalm?

Millwright said...

Wirecutter,
Watch Caddy Shack and then pull a Bill Murray on them

Lisa said...

I really do not understand the complaint honey....you get so excited out in the front yard with your shovel and boots...you run in the house and say "come look baby, I got another one"....lol and you want a way to end your fun...I am just a bit confused...LOL