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Sunday, March 03, 2013

I've been hanging out at the Walmart too much

Yeah man, I had to go into Modesto this morning so I got out of going to Walmart today. Thank God, I'm still a little unnerved about last week's excursion. But we still needed things from the store so as I was heading out, Lisa hands me a short list of 5 or 6 things.
So I take care of business and then go to an actual supermarket. I got a bad habit of getting just a handbasket instead of a cart and always get overloaded because I buy a bunch of extra shit that ain't on the list. Anyways, I've got my basket and I've picked up eggs, a gallon of milk, a great big pack of tortillas, 5 pounds of flour, raisins and few of my own things and the only thing left on the list is shitpaper. I get to the shitpaper aisle and I'm naturally looking for the biggest bang for my buck here and I spot a big ol' economy size pack of 24 rolls for something like 6 bucks so I snatch it up. It's too big to put in the basket which was full anyways so I'm walking out of the aisle tossing it up and down and this welled dressed uppity-ass woman about my age turns the corner and gives me a look of utter disgust. As I'm walking towards her she physically shifts her cart to the other side of the aisle - not rolls it but actually bounces it sideways. And then she stands and stares at me with her face all wrinkled up, the snotty fucking broad.
What the fuck? I'm clean, my clothes are clean, there ain't no dogshit on my boots and I shaved last night.
"Howdy, ma'am" I said, all smiling and friendly and shit. I held out the shitpaper. "Had to wipe my ass with a grease rag this morning."
Yeah, I know. No class at all.

6 comments:

hiswiserangel said...

God I love your uncouth ass. :-D

pdwalker said...

I got a bad habit of getting just a handbasket instead of a cart and always get overloaded because I buy a bunch of extra shit that ain't on the list.

That's what I call a triumph of optimism over experience.

"Had to wipe my ass with a grease rag this morning."

Some people ask for, and just need to be tweaked. Why disappoint them?

rpm2day said...

Biggest bang for your butt? What?

hiswiserangel said...

Okay, take 2, I love, in a purely platonic way, your uncouth derriere. Will that pass?

Sara said...

That was beautiful. Seriously. Some people just really really need that.

angrymike said...

Now that was nice of you, I would have said "what the fuck are you looking at, you wipe your ass as often as me, if not more"...............